9 tales from Lima

Lima Travel Blog

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The fatboys about to begin their quest for fatness...

No i didnt go into hibination, get shot or have been on some epic trek for the past month away from a computer I have been stuck in LIMA! Stuck not because im totally besotted by the area more simply my credit card got swallowed and consequently I have spent the last three weeks working in a hostel bar while awaiting and new card (which never came)! Much has happened in this time as Lima is a vibrant in your face city with a new experince around every corner! So here are 9 not so short tales from my time in LIMA!

LUSTY LOVERS

On my first foot excursion around Lima I typically ended up at the ocean and was shocked to realise that Lima isnt built on a beachy coastline but a rugged cliff-line instead! At first i was a little gutted at the prospect of no sand between my toes having spent the last month inland but the view and granduer of the surrounding area soon soothed the soul and i was skipping along the cliff like only an Aussie lad could bubbling with glee! Now there were plenty of surfers in the water but the waves were far from desirable but what caught my eye was this funny looking statue on the cliff! On closer inspection I realised it was the famous "lovers/kissing" statue I have seen on tourism doco's! It was hilarious scattered all around were random couples of all ages and creed just getting it on, YEAWWT! Tonsil hockey with the occasional wandering hand it was like an open theatre soft core porn at first i felt like a perv but honestly it is hard not to look when EVERYONE is doing it! So while i was getting freaked out by this 70 odd year old couple swapping their dentures with each other in a rather passionate embrace i notice this peruvian lad dragging (against her will it seemed) a fine lass towards the statue! Once within 20 metres WHAM BAM his tongue was darting everywhere and the chick just submitted! After the 5min ordeal they just walked off and i was like that was weird but then like 10 minutes later he returned with a different girl and it was like de ja vu, the statue has power ppl! So when people are near the statue it sends some a little crazy, and if your alone, man or woman your likely to get mauled so becareful!!!

Calorie Challenge

We stayed at the Loki Hostel which is centred in the nicest part of Lima, Miraflores but is also surrounded by the notorious fast food chains.

Brendo the barman
Within a 5 min walk you could get Macca's, Burger King, KFC and Pizza Hut (I call them the big four) amongst all the peruvian stlye chains as well like BeBos!! So stemming purely from boredom the boys devised the CALORIE CHALLENGE for some entertainment! Maintaining a well balanced diet and plenty of exercise over the past 2 months (bangers and duggo have lost over 10kgs between them) the lads bright idea for some fun was somewhat puzzling but who was i to ruin their plight to join the BIGGEST LOSER show! The challenge required each participant to eat a burger or meal from each of the Big4 chains for dinner whilst wearing fatmen outfits! I was the photography and refused to participant but though amusing and utterly hilarious at times, it was quite disturbing watching the boys eat all this crap! All the boys were sick afterwards, some chuddered others had unpleasent toilet visits while others just felt sorry for themselves! The only real positive from this challenge were some funny pics and the fact that the boys refuse to eat the Big4, I have tested them and they would rather cooking themselves or street meat, LESSON LEARNT!!!

The Best Seafood Buffet, EVER

Now I can not recommend more highly peruvian cuisiue it is exceptional, by far the best in Sth America when it comes to taste and identifying a region for it's food!! Working in a kitchen for 8 or more years i have developed a taste for good food and Corina (our local mate) knew this so decided to treat us to a seafood buffet that she claimed was better than any she had in OZ when she lived there! Now i was skeptical as buffets no matter where you are in the world are always full of little kids who for some bizarre reason have snotty running noses and smell like nappies circling around the food bays! Not to mention the parusing buffet enthusiasts (who tend to look like cows) who starve themselves all day just to feast for 3 to 5 hours until the buffet is closed or management kicks them out!! I am pleased to announce this was the best Seafood buffet ever!!! No grotty kids, food sloths or long lines principly because all the food, each dish was prepared on the spot in front of your eyes by an exceptional chef, this buffet blew my expectations! It was like having your own personal cook who would make you anything from fried octupus, cerviche, sushi to oven roasted snapper this place is amazing! I left with my button on my jeans undone, a smile on my face and this amazing lingering taste! Now if your not an ocean muncher their are awesome traditional salads, meat, chicken, desserts on offer all unique to Peru but you must try, please people, peruvian cerviche it is finger licking good as the Colonel would say!!!!

The Miraflores Flowerman

Meeting a bunch of Danish boys at the hostel i never thought id meet people with the same passion for randomly dressing up in costumes and just taking the piss mainly out of themselves! For four days straight the Viking Boys (my nickname for them) wore full length furry animal costumes (a frog, tigger, chicken and dog) for no particular reason but to have some fun! So drawing on their enthusiasm for a good laugh, I decided to take dressing up to a new level and become a flowerman at their going away party.

Getting amped for a seafood buffet
As the irish would say it was some good CRAIC!! Now dressing up is one thing but when you lose the entire group (approx 15 ppl) whilst out on the town then finding yourself walking the streets of Lima alone at 530am and only wearing a bright pink and green flowersuit, you begin to turn heads!!! Some alert street kids notice this flower walking around, lost, and saw an opportunity to have some fun! At first they wanted money but i had none so then they wanted to play which involved whizzy dizzies (where you grab the child and hurl them around in circles until YOU nearly fall over) and i thought what the hell might as well have some fun!! At 630am my mates found me swinging kids around in the park, dressed in a flowersuit with several onlooking policeman keeping a close eye on me and they were like "BRENDAN, what the f#%k are you doing, you realise your spinning little children dressed like a flower, they probably think your some type of kiddie perv"!?! Looking back on the situation it was rather funny and i recall the odd policeman warning the children to stay away from me, when i got back to the hostel i passed out fully dressed only to awake to some dutch girl taking photos of me! She was laughing her tits off and nicknamed me the Flowerman of Miraflores!

Teachers Gone Mad!

At schhol it was always the children misbehaving and the teacherstrying to restore order and teach the children the right way to act! Well last week this classroom philosphy went out the window in Peru, as a nation of teachers striked and went rioting throughout the country.

Abit to eager for food Dougo decides to help out.
Within days they had miners and other under-payed departments supporting their caused, attacking Govt. buildings, tourism sectors (the bus companies), military and police personal and even killing 20 people in the riots (Govt. officials etc). it has been a tense time for many travellers who have been caught in the violence. Bus services have been attacked or cancelled, rocks put on train tracks to stop ppl getting too and from MacchuPicchu whole border crossings shut down (Puno) just general choas! A day after the killings I awoke to find Miraflores covered in riot police, every corner, every street absolutely everywhere riot police with shields and battons were bracing themselves for some heavy clashes! That day hardly anyone ventured from the hostel for fear of violence! But all the hype fizzled out as nothing happened, the crazy teachers never came to protest like they promised they went elsewhere were there were no riot police and caused mayhem there instead (smart people teachers are.
Tim tuning workers before he gets to fat...
..) So the riots continue (though subsiding as the Govt. negotiates) but Miraflores thus far has been spared, many bus companies are still not operating and consquently backpackers are stuck or buying expensive flights to get out off there, BLOODY TEACHERS!!

Brendo the BAR-BOY...

No credit card, low on funds, tax return still weeks away it was time for Brendo to get a job! WOW, not working for nearly 5 months has been unreal but starting again and real bummer! however, after my first shift as a barmen it was not bad at all. The job, the people, everthing was chilled, you work alone with noone to boss ya around and getting people plastered is kind of fun! After the first week i was known too many as the "continous happy hour specialist" pouring lethal amounts of drinks all the time (50/50 is good but i normally dealt up 60/40)!! Now being a good drunk on the otherside of the bar i was always getting people to dance on chairs, the bar generally doing crazy stuff like sucide shots, singing loudly we had a blast and I meet a lot of really cool people! Probably the highlight for me was training up Will my Aussie compodre behind the bar, together we run a muck, every night was a big party and instead of closing the bar at one we would always be open till 4 or 5 in the morning and also learning more spanish as many tend to order stuff in spanish it was great! My only downer, smokers at the bar, YOU GUYS SHOULD BE SHOT no arguments!!! So my little three week stint at the bar kept me afloat monetarily and gave me a new experience which is always good!!

Night Out @ Gotica

Obviously Lima has a pumping nightlife like all major cities in Sth America but what stands out the most was the night I went to Gotica with my best peruvian mate, Manuel!!! Walking down the stairs with electronic beats blaring in the background, insane light show darting everywhere, 2000 crazed individuals with mammoth smiles this discotek was like none I had been to whilst travelling.

In struggle town still two more eateries to go!
Doof doof as i like to call it, is not my taste in music as it is hard to dance to and it all sounds the same "doof doof doof"! However, Manuel promised me that tonight would be different as a famous DJ/MC whatever they are called SEB FONTAINE was playing and would send the crowd into a frenzy! No shit, everyone in this place went nuts when he came on stage it was like being at a futbal game when someone scores a goal it was mind-blowing! With all the energy everywhere I soon found my rythme and had a ball with all Manuels mates who didnt speak much english at all and nicknamed me Aussie! It was hilarious I'd be dancing away and then suddenly hear a scream Oi, Aussie Vamos amigo, Vamos!! Foam, ballons, glitter amongst other things dropped from the ceiling all night the atmosphere was awesome and lads this is the best cloak room I have ever seen! Being a bit chilly outside all the dames rock up fully decked out in coats and stuff then inside they take them all off and reveal stunning beauties, i was well impressed!! Now if in Lima Gotica is a must just for the specticle but if you like the electronic scene then you'd be a fool to miss it!!

STAIRS AND dRUGS dONT mIX

Finishing a shift at the bar one night i was retiring to bed only to find one of the backpackers who was early on in the evening getting plastered at my bar making funny horse noises on the stairs outside my room! At first i thought he was just drunk and flipping out so I got his friend to help me put him to bed! Returning we found him trying to get into my room, dribbling all this random nonesense and covered in a warm liquid.

The love is in his eyes..
When we got him to his room and turn on the light it was abruptly made clear that he was covered in blood which would happen when you have a 6 inch gash on the side of one's head. It was that deep that it seemed half his face was falling off so it was off to hospital @ 4 in the morning! Now it didnt take me long to realise that he was buzzing from the white marching powder "charlie"! For an hour he argued with me, cried in my arms, hugged me, fitted a little, called me the devil and even accussed me of hitting him and causing the cut1 At the first hospital noone was willing to treat him because he was to wired and threating so it was off to the puble hospital where anything and anyone goes! This i promise you is the last place you want to end up in when you have an emergency, using the same syringe is common practice and most of the workers are volunteers going through med school including the doctors! It was lucky we had money to afford new needles from the pharmacy across the road! The action didnt stop here just before the english geezer went under the knife he did a runner and it took us 2 hours of wandering the streets to find him at a coffee shop! He was smoking a cigarette, having a coffee and asking random strangers to take him home! For the first time that morning i had a chuckle to myself because the scene was just so bizarre only in STH America would it be the norm and bloodied man on the side of the road begging people to take him home! After some convincing we managed to get him back to the hospital where he got 25 stitches and began coming out of his drug state! After nearly 5 hours of dramatics we finally got back to the hostel where he recalled his story of tumbling down the stairs to anyone who wanted to listen.
Simon wanting a bigger mouth.
Personally, i didnt care it was 9.00am and i had to go book a flight, I NEED SLEEP!

Lima Tubes

Ill keep this tale short and sharp! Central Lima near the city is not great for waves unless a massive swell appears! Thus everytime i went surfing it was 50km or so South where the waves are great! Along the 20-30km stretch of coastline there you can find a wave everyday that will test your abilities in the water and the locals are friendly! However the adventure is getting there and home again in one piece the drivers are lunatics, you have to bury your belongings in the sand so they dont get stolen, watch for pickpockets on the minibuses and for a great feed check out the markets near Punta Hermosa best juices so far on tour! This you may say is not worth all the fuss but it is the South is vastly different to the big city and it actually gets sun and nice big sandy beaches!

 

Well they are my tales of Lima, if you have read this far you must be bored but I appreciate it if you what names of places or cool stuff to do whilst in Lima let me know hope your all well travel safe and ill catch you somewhere in this amazing place, peace!!!

 

wolfrelic says:
Man, reading this made me miss Lima/Peru so intensely.
Posted on: Feb 25, 2012
lizforliving says:
Hahaha, nice one brendo!! swinging little kids round in a flower suit, taking photos of Fat-people wannabes and helping a druggy that makes horse noises THATS MY BOY!!! Love you lots, peace xxxxx
Posted on: Jul 27, 2007
fredbobsurfing says:
more photos coming soon but need to go eat for now mmmm MACAS NOT!!!
Posted on: Jul 26, 2007
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The fatboys about to begin their q…
The fatboys about to begin their …
Brendo the barman
Brendo the barman
Getting amped for a seafood buffet
Getting amped for a seafood buffet
Abit to eager for food Dougo decid…
Abit to eager for food Dougo deci…
Tim tuning workers before he gets …
Tim tuning workers before he gets…
In struggle town still two more ea…
In struggle town still two more e…
The love is in his eyes..
The love is in his eyes..
Simon wanting a bigger mouth.
Simon wanting a bigger mouth.
Bloody pigs, your mums would be as…
Bloody pigs, your mums would be a…
The last line for the night...
The last line for the night...
Recovery session on the play gym!!!
Recovery session on the play gym!!!
Leaning tower of whoopers now that…
Leaning tower of whoopers now tha…
My Spanish teacher getting a littl…
My Spanish teacher getting a litt…
Dennis fell in love with my spanis…
Dennis fell in love with my spani…
Manuel A(hemping)mping up before a…
Manuel A(hemping)mping up before …
The Aussie barmen, YEAWWT
The Aussie barmen, YEAWWT
Will rocking out!!
Will rocking out!!
Where´s Wally (Ivonna) rocking ou…
Where´s Wally (Ivonna) rocking o…
Fabiola (right) rocking out with t…
Fabiola (right) rocking out with …
Will and Fabiola such a cute coupl…
Will and Fabiola such a cute coup…
Carlassssa AKA MonkeyBoy took me o…
Carlassssa AKA MonkeyBoy took me …
Im not even angry....
Im not even angry....
Going away dinner with my Fav Lima…
Going away dinner with my Fav Lim…
They threw me a surprise B´day th…
They threw me a surprise B´day t…
My B´day cake got demolished
My B´day cake got demolished
Manuel and Myself
Manuel and Myself
Willy and I
Willy and I
Spanish Teacher, myself and dennis…
Spanish Teacher, myself and denni…
Lima
photo by: rsvpme