Lima beans

Lima Travel Blog

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A lot of people had said don’t stay in Lima too long - it’s shit. In the few days I was there, I would have to concur.

The hostel was good, and had a rooftop bar. Twinned with this there were a number of bars and clubs nearby so I didn’t get round to seeing the main sights of Lima.

I had a stroll down to the beach, which was a bit of a let down after Miami, and somehow managed to trip over a one foot high wall near the cliff edge. Luckily it was the away from the cliff edge so I suffered only a bruised ego and a gashed shin - which disturbingly bled through my jeans.

Another highlight was that by chance I found out that the officially voted best current coffee in the world was 'Tunki', made in Peru, and served just around the corner from the hostel.

Fact: Flowers won't grow in the shape of a letter 'o'. They just won't do it.
I sampled the best coffee in the world; it tasted ok. Quite coffee-ish.

Other things to not do include the Museo del’Oro, which houses some interesting Inca gold. It’s just not laid out in any pattern you can follow, so in essence you pay a fair amount just to look at a pile of gold someone has thrown in a room.

One thing people keep saying is that if you are a gringo then you’ll end up fighting off women with a shitty stick. I’d been there a few days and had no need whatsoever for a piece of wood dipped in faeces, until the last night.

I was walking back from a bar when suddenly a small woman appeared next to me. We exchanged small talk as she spoke English, then the conversation changed to the subject of how we happened to be quite close to her house, then how beautiful my eyes apparently were.

Arty stick
I turned to have a look at her so I could return an appropriate compliment, however the overbearing thought was ‘you are totally a dude, less than five foot tall and wearing a dress, but a dude nonetheless’.

I was convinced enough that I took the risk of asking a question that would sink my chances if it was an unfortunate looking woman;

‘Erm, are you a transvestite? Tranquilo’ (I’m cool)

‘Si - soy travesti’ (Yep, I have some penis)

‘Adios!’ (I’m not that cool)

I’m now starting to wonder whether I'll be offered hombre-actione in every country I go to, or whether I’ve just been unfathomably lucky thus far.

During the course of my stay I met a girl who was both spiritual and spirited, spoke Spanish, was interesting company and was heading to Iquitos to do Ayahuasca, so I thought this would be a good opportunity to sample the herb/drug with an accompanying friendly face and booked a ticket.

Surf's up

Unfortunately at the last minute the girl’s first choice shamen got in touch, so she changed course to Pucallpa. Ayahuasca is apparently a feminine spirit, and she was going to indulge in it for seven days with a group of (relatively rare) female shamen.

I fancied trying Ayahuasca, but not tripping my tits off for a solid week. Plus I had a suspicion that my balls might ruin the spiritual feminine experience for all involved - particularly in their ‘fit to burst’ state. Fuck it, I thought, I’ll go to Iquitos - I’m sure I’ll be fine by myself…

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Lima crew
Lima crew
Fact: Flowers wont grow in the sh…
Fact: Flowers won't grow in the s…
Arty stick
Arty stick
Surfs up
Surf's up
photo by: rsvpme