Casino Bums & Barflies make this the Greatest Country in the World

Middletown Travel Blog

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Well, America is looking like a great place, I'm having a class time so far. Well with the exception of the 2 hour wait in customs while they tried to get a hold of my mate to find out his address..turns out you cant just enter the states without an address at which they can get hold of you. I should've just lied I would've got away with it.


I went to the biggest casino in the world the other day, Foxwoods in Connecticut. It was surreal, this huge complex right in the middle of a massive forest, with 6 hotels, over 50 restaurants, and 100,000 parking spaces. I spent about 5 hours in the poker room taking dumb peoples money. Some of them were so full of sh1t, talking about all the tournaments they have played and the tours they had done. Yeah, if thats the case what the f*ck you doing on the $2 tables? you should be up there with the high fliers mate. I ended up taking most of one of these guys money as well. Cant have done that well in the tournaments then. After playing we went for an all you can eat buffet for $15. All you can eat buffets man. No wonder there are so many fat americans. They seem to hover round places like that like flies round sh1t. I have never seen so many shopmobility carts in one place. Its just wrong. They should be melted down and used as an oil replacement. Should be able to provide a couple of million barrels of blubber from every single fat person in the States.


So last night we went to this little bar in Middletown, Connecticut (Im actually staying about 2 hours out of Boston with Laurie) called The Gatekeeper bar. It was a classic wee American bar with a pool table and country music on the jukebox. The barman was this class biker dude called Peter. He was a vietnam vet and looked like someone out of Easyrider. He fed us a couple of drinks on the house including this bizarre shot of 'Gatekeeper liquor', a secret recipe specially designed to f**k you up- Peter's words. I attracted the affections of a pretty minging barfly, she was after a good rooting and she had her sights set on me. She was horrible man, she was about 45, twice as wide as she was tall, and with tattoos across her tits which she kept thrusting in my face.  Laurie's girlfriend eventually arrived with one of her friends who rescued me. I spent most of the rest of the night talking to her and ended up going home with her. I tell ya, the Irish accent is a lethal weapon over here with the women, as soon as they hear it they melt. I could've said anything to her last night and I would've got away with it.


Were heading up to Boston tonight for another evening of debauchery and Im still feeling rough (thanks to the Gatekeeper shots Im sure of it) so I think a hair of the dog cure is called for. In fact right now.

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