The Chicago Trials

Chicago Travel Blog

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Thursday, 2:00 PM EST
-Board our flight, and my first flight. It was fantastic, except for when my ears popped that hurt really bad for some reason. Upon arrival to Midway Airport in Chicago the Captain comes over the intercom saying there is a storm below us and we can't land yet, so we will continue a holding pattern.
-The pilot comes over the intercom again saying we are going to detour to Indianapolis, IN for more fuel. Exactly what I wanted to hear on my first flight.
-We finally arrive at Midway to a wet, rainy, windy ass city. Oh boy, can't wait. *sarcasm*
-We have to take the orange line subway to red line subway and then walk three blocks to our hotel. I am still not sure what the red/orange lines really do. While on the subway a large man appeared before the train with a wanted poster. First thing I notice, that mugshot looks like him. So of course it was him, this was his speech. "My name is ----------------------, and I was released from a federal prison two days ago and am now looking for work." [Around this time he flipped his wanted poster over] "I have 27 resume's here and need money for a 7-day subway pass to look for a job." Welcome to Chicago.
-After we checked into our hotel we went to get some eats and drinks and do some bar crawling. At this point I was introduced to most of Beard-o's crew. Each person was awesome in their own way. We had Mr. and Mrs. Zivy (We called Zivy, Zivy, and his wife is actually named Lisa). They are some good people let me tell you. Then there was Marcy, I don't want to get into it, she sucked). That was the people in our room. In the room across the hall was Nate (dedicated Marine and country serviceman) and his beautiful girlfriend Kristen. Nate loves to drink and smoke fine cigars, I could like this guy. In the room down the hall was Bruno (the only other weed smoker), and two other people I can't remember. Bruno is a pimp though. Upstairs was Alex and his again beautiful girlfriend/wife, I can't remember her name. Also in their room was Damon (who is by far the funniest fucking guy I ever met) and Adam who is equally as funny. There were other people who were father's of some of the guys here, and Torre. She is funny as hell too, but I didn't get to talk to her as much. Also was Beard-o's roomate Steve-O who is a funny guy, but strict about his schedule. Maybe later in this blog I will remember more people and fill you in on people who arrived late.

Thursday, 8:00 PM CST
-We hit the bar, honestly can't remember the name, but it had beer pong tables. Now I don't want to sound like a bitch, but compared to my cousin Beard-O and his friends, I am kind of a lightweight when it comes to drinking. I am 21, they are late 20s, early 30s. I start the night of double fisting Vodka/Red Bull's (my drink of choice). This is followed up by a lackluster Chicago grilled cheese. All 20 of us or so are at this bar just pounding drinks, talking, and creating havoc. It was around this time Beard-O and Damon decided my nickname was Paulie Walnuts, after the Soprano's badass. Boom, now I have a nickname, I feel accepted ha. The bartender was awesome she ordered all of us a shot of grape vodka, like $50 worth of shots. After a round or two of beer pong I am feeling excellent, as is everyone else. We move on to the next bar around 10:30 PM. This was my turn for the worst. We hit the next bar and by 11, I am in the bathroom puking in a non-bagged garbage can whilst sitting on the john. It was probably my lowest moment in Chicago ha. Beard-O comes in and checks on me a few times, I am still puking. After being in the bathroom for 30 minutes Beard-O called me a cab. I hug and say night to everyone and then I am off to the hotel alone. About 8 minutes into the ride I asked the cabbie to pull over so I can puke. Well I guess he pulled too close to the curb, when I busted my door open it busted off the guard rail. Sorry cab drivers of Chicago. I asked him to pull over again so I can puke a few minutes later and the same thing happened. Sorry again. I make it to the hotel and tip the guy $20 for fucking his door up. I make it to the room and pass out on my bed.Around 4:00 AM everyone rolls back from the bars and bangs the fuck out of the hotel door, here is the dialog.
*Cop styled knock on the hotel door* "WALNUTS! NUTS LET US IN! WALNUTS!!!!!!!!!" Scared the shit out of me. What an eventful night in Chicago. I promise myself to be a better drinker.

Friday, 10 AMish CST
-Most of this morning consisted of me, Beard-o, Nate, and Nate's girlfriend Kristen. We took a cab to a cigar shop around us and we sit down to enjoy a beer and a fine cigar around 11:30. It was just us in the cigar room except for the guy who owned the place. Sarcastic and old, the perfect old man. He was funny as fuck and gave me a cigar that isn't in production anymore I was excited, it was damn tasty.
-We met up with most of our group and go eat some Chicago deep dish. It wasn't bad, but for the price ($27/large) I would much rather eat some thin crust. Sorry Chicago, 0 for 2 with me for meals so far. After the pizzaria we again went to a random bar to drink until the Penguin game at 7:30. I took it easy this day, I only had 4 beers between then and the game. Around 5:30 I headed back to the hotel because I was tired. I took a 45 minutes nap or so then took a cab to the United Center, home of the Chicago Blackhawks. It is a beautiful arena, some 22,000 capacity and its still partially unfinished.
-The game was tight, the only gay Chicagans were two rows behind us. I give it up for them though we had 3 full rows of Penguin fans in front of them cheering for the Pens lol. It wasn't the best night for hockey, for them. Penguins win 5-4 in OT if I remember. Toews from Blackhawks is just beautiful to watch. One of the most graceful hockey players I have seen. There was a surprisingly large number of Penguin fans there. After the game we headed a block or two down to the Billy Goat Bar, converted to the Penguins bar for the night. Tons of Pens fans and tons of awesome Blackhawk fans. We drank here until like 10. Then when we leave we try to get cabs for like 30 people. Nate spots a limo, best thing to do? Ask them for a ride. We got it too. About 15 of us in the limo head to this dueling piano bar which was hopping. So many people there. It was a good time. My count for this night was two beers and 5 or 6 vodka/redbulls. Also they brought us two buckets of cherry vodka mixed with cherry koolaid and about 30 straws. Didn't take long for them to cease existence. Around 1 AM I headed back to the hotel (because I know trying to not throw up when I drink like the night before. I pass out and again I am woken up by people pounding on the door requesting entrance. The next morning and our final day in Chicago proved to be my proudest moment in Chicago. It was explained to me the final day everyone drinks all day. Okay, lets do it.

Saturday, Noon.
-We are about to drink, it is about the time I meet Devlin and his buddy Khalal I think (both hardcore Marines). We hang out for an hour or so then go up to Damon/Alex/Adam's room to see whats taking them so long. Turns out we couldn't leave to drink yet. Why? The Karate Kid Part II was on. LIVE OR DIE? DIE! NO. HONK! If you don't know, you weren't there and/or weren't born in the late 70s. After the old men watched the end of Karate kid we went to a three story bar shaped like pirate ship on the inside. It was badass. We drank there for a few hours, until like 4:30 or 5:00. Then we headed over to the English. A very nice bar. Looked expensive, but it wasn't. We again drank there for a few hours until around 7 PM or so. We headed over to another bar (O'Callahan's I believe) and drank there until 9 or 10. I was feeling good at this time, 8 hours of drinking and I am barely buzzed after like 10 redbull/vodka's. After this third bar everyone was heading to the bar Mother Hubbards. I went to the hotel to freshen up. This turned out to be a mistake. After I leave the hotel at like 11 I walked to 2 blocks to Mother Hubbards. On the way I was approached by a crackhead looking mother fucker who asked if I needed any weed or cocaine. I don't mess with the powder so I told him I'd take $50 of weed. Well, my less than sober ass did the world's dumbest thing. Trusted a crackhead. I am not going through the story because it would make me seriously mad. Either way, I lost $100 to this mother fucker and didn't get any weed. After being somber for an hour or two I headed to Mother Hubbard's with a lighter wallet. I only stayed for a beer or two because I was so sad/upset at what I just went through. I went back to the hotel and watched the waterboy which kind of made me happy again. Everyone ended up coming in at 5:30 AM and Zivy cuddled next to me, that drunk bastard. Everyone went to bed around 6 AM even though we had to wake up at 8:30 AM to catch our flight. Well these people woke up. We left for the airport and made our way back to Pittsburgh.

It's good to be home people. I hope you enjoyed my travels to Chicago. In all I feel I met a lot of really cool people and hope to continue partying with them. Chicago is a good city, but I probably won't come back, sorry. Too busy for me.


Plane Trip: B
Hotel: A
Bars: A+
Food: C
People: B-

Thanks Chicago!
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photo by: mahoney