Washington - What's Abraham Lincoln famous for?

Washington Travel Blog

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Hostelling International.

I did find myself, during the afternoon of our departure from Orlando, pondering whether Harry Potter would be significantly improved if Hermione developed some sort of lesbian tendency. Blaming such a chain of thought on extreme tiredness due to Kev’s snoring we boarded our Greyhound to Washington.

As luck would have it, on our second night bus in a row, a mother had deemed it appropriate to bring a child not exceeding a year in age with her for the journey. Unsurprisingly the creature balled its eyes out for eleven straight hours, ensuring that not one person on the coach slept a single wink, let alone forty. We arrived in Washington at 7:30pm local time, and I was immediately struck by how European the city’s architecture was.

Reflecting Pool.
With its low skyline and historic buildings, it could easily be nestled somewhere in the former Soviet Bloc. Somewhat surprisingly, Barack was unavailable to greet us personally upon us reaching our destination; reports suggested that he was busy revealing that Ireland is his ancestral home.

If you ever stumble into a hostel and see the company name ‘Hostelling International’ emblazoned across the reception, you better make sure you have your Nike Air Jerusalem’s with you. Not only did it appear that you had to look like Jesus to stay there, but if you couldn’t quote every line of the bible, there was no room available at the inn.

If the appearance of the city was continental, the populace of the hostel we eventually stayed in was certainly oriental.

Barack's Gaff.
It is with regret that I inform you that the name of the establishment escapes me, however, you best hope that you are a dab-hand with chop-sticks if you have any intention of staying there during your visit to the District of Columbia. Kev wasted no time in introducing himself to What Went Wong and One Hung Low, but his warmth and kindness went unreciprocated. There is a vast cultural chasm between how western and eastern civilisation interact, and it’s probably fair to conclude that these fellow tourists wouldn’t be adding Kev on adultfriendfinder anytime soon.

Eventually we found ourselves in a trendy nightspot in the centre of town, complete with a raised stage and pole for females to dance on should the mood take them. Kev found his cigarette addiction getting the better of him, and we made our way to terrace rooftop where the old ‘do you have a lighter’ line initiated a conversation with two women of German descent.

Malivai Washington.
‘I vod say you look about twinty it (28) years olt’ was the response from the prettier of the two, when Kev posed the obvious question. Visually affected by this, and after hearing that the girls enjoyed European electronic music, Kev’s riposte was ‘I like Swedish House Mafia as well!’ I.....WAS... SHOCKED; dumbstruck in fact. After all the hours spent bickering over Springsteen and Swedish House Mafia, and Kev’s level of hatred for anything with a sub-woofer and keyboard, I couldn’t believe my ears; Was he twisting the truth to impress a girl he found attractive? SURELY NOT.

Almost immediately though, I remembered the rule, adopted almost universally, by boys when talking to ladies; you say anything you think they want to hear.

Pose Ultra Lounge in Washington.
Therefore, nothing was awry in this situation, Kev was merely following protocol. You would, of course, never catch me saying anything of such ilk. ‘Actually, I live in France and was born in Kenya, Ally’, ‘oh really, that’s such a coincidence because I was raised in Nairobi and used to have bad breath....’

Kev came away from the conversation believing he had secured a rendez-vous in New York, but I had my doubts as to whether this would materialise. 

 We took a walk around central Washington the next day visiting the Reflecting Pool, The Whitehouse and the Lincoln Memorial, which for me was the most impressive of the three. Financial reasons dictated that we stay in that night despite our reluctance. Kev’s mood was further soured by the revelation that Deadmau5 has more total hits on Youtube than his hero Springsteen. I basked in my glee whilst watching the Cubs play the Cardinals before Mr ‘I’ll have to sit there’ came and dethroned me. ‘I’ll have to sit there’ was the owner of the hostel, but quite how he ran a successful business puzzled me, as he seemed more intent on stroking the receptionist than meeting demands of customers.

For reasons unknown, one of the inhabitants of our dormitory repeatedly fell off the top bunk of their bunk bed for the majority of our final night in Tiananmen Square. Not being a gymnast himself, a disgruntled Kev chose to exact his revenge by baring both cheeks in the direction of who he thought was the culprit the following morning. That’s right, both barrels; and those of you are avid readers will know this treatment is not reserved for just anyone, no continent had seen the whole moon during the trip. Until now.

After checking out, we veered back to NikeAirJerusalemTown for internet access to book hostels in Niagara Falls. This task, I thought, is one in I can leave to Kev, I will scour the internet for things to do in Niagara besides the obvious. Thirty minutes later, I looked across at my accomplice and noticed that he appeared very pleased with himself, even more than usual, if that is possible. Inquisitive as to the reason for his broad smile, I ventured over to his computer and found him on Facebook discussing cunnilingus with Jessica Bredbury. I can assure you that Ms Bredbury must have achieved exceptional marks in her creative writing classes at school, but I won’t repeat the conversation, though I can confirm that nowhere did it say ‘Hostel, Booked, Niagara, Price, Payment or Confirmation’.

Kev explained that he was allowed to do this because his stolen money had been repaid back by HSBC.

We eventually got chased out for spending too much time on the internet, but that was that, Washington was complete. 

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Hostelling International.
Hostelling International.
Reflecting Pool.
Reflecting Pool.
Baracks Gaff.
Barack's Gaff.
Malivai Washington.
Malivai Washington.
Pose Ultra Lounge in Washington.
Pose Ultra Lounge in Washington.
Washington
photo by: b93sp