The Quest for the Brazilian Model: Part 1

Rio de Janeiro Travel Blog

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Kev significantly happier after touching down in Rio
Greetings from sunny Rio De Janeiro, where despite it being Winter, it is 25 degrees over here.

Picking up from where from we left off, we got to Atlanta airport and after Kev got checked at customs for approximately the 20th time, we mulled over whether we had seen a girl in the queue who had the most perfect breasts in history. After a lot of deliberation and plenty of scientific reasoning we came to the conclusion that she was probably too young. After I argued that love knows no boundaries, Kev couldn´t believe there were 13 years between my parents.

The flight was largely uneventful until we got to baggage reclaim and found that our bags had not arrived. We were sectioned into a queue and a lady came out and said our bags had already arrived on a previous flight and we had to go upstairs to collect them.
Just after getting off the Bus in Ipanema.
My bag was fine, but it appeared that somebody had decided they were going to try all Kev´s clothes on and see how much his sleeping bag could stretch before ripping. Perfect.

Please excuse the homosexuality of this next comment, but nothing can prepare you for how beautiful Rio is, it is without doubt the best city I have ever been to - so much better than Barcelona. We got to see it whilst tearing through the streets on a bus being driven by the Brazilian equivalent of Robert Wilson. We checked into Che Lagarto hostel in the heart of Ipanema and just when everything seemed to be going well, we went to the bank and Kev couldn´t get any money out. For those of you that are aware of how un-organised I am, Kev´s chaotic approach to life makes me look like an accountant.
Our dorm in Che Legarto Hostel.

Back to the hostel, we set about introducing ourselves to everyone, with my basic spanish and Kev´s one line of German that he knows. After Kev had expended ´Wo ist die Clown´ We went to a pub to watch the england game, and witnessed the moment that will surely lead to Robert Green´s knighting in next year´s additions to the british empire. Kev would also like to know why Nick Griffin is the manager of Serbia at this World Cup.

Later that night the party began and I introduced myself to some German girls who we spent most of the evening talking to. When I say most of the evening, I mean until 9:30 because that is when I had to retire to bed due to sleep depravation. Now I am aware I am going to get lambasted for this, but at precisely the time I went for a quick nap, Kev was talking to some english girls who wanted to go out.
The bar where we were on national TV after Rob Green's howler.
I was completely unaware of the ramifications of my actions because next morning at breakfast, it became apparent that each one of those english girls that had gone out had got laid. For probably the 10th time in my career I had fallen asleep when sex was on the table. Kev was absolutely furious and I can only apologise to the rest of the male population. In my defense I would like to say that didn´t come 10,000 miles to get on Sharon and Cheryl from Leeds.

After breakfast that morning we jammed about and went to the beach to take on some german guys at football - naturally it was Joga Bonito on mine and Kev´s behalves and we destroyed them at Heads and Volleys which had absolutely nothing to do with them not knowing the rules. Later on we went to the FIFA viewing stage for World Cup games to watch Germany V Australia.
The German who told me my mum was shit at football.
Kevin Pope and Alistair Sim would both like to apologise to HRH the Queen of England for donning german colours for the event, but we did so in good name and we met more very attractive german ladies at the game who insisted that we support Allemagne. Wo ist die clown inevitably made another appearance.

After one of the German´s telling me my mum was shit at football, we bowled back to the hostel ready to tear it up in Rio. Kev decided he was going to skip dinner, informing some new girls that eating was in fact cheating. I had some food and was then introduced to the Capriniha (I think) which is the most aggressive drink ever invented and whilst it was ruining me, it was obliterating Kev who had about 8 in a row (Brits abroad?). We got ready to go after playing F*** the Dealer during which Kev spent most of the time being violated.
The wealthy side of Rio at its finest.
After nearly falling over trying to kiss some girl goodbye, waking up a gorgeous Chilean girl who didn´t speak a word of english in our dorm by peering into her bunk and going HOLLLLLLLAAAAA, and taking 10 minutes to put shoes on, Kev arrived at the taxi ready to go. Unfortunately over the course of the journey Kev realised that standing up was becoming a challenege for him and when we arrived at the club we sent him back to the hostel in the same cab.

Unfortunately for Kev this club was unbelievable - a perfect little small sweatbox situated on the top of a hill with lots of drunk brazilian females grinding as if there lives depended on it. After having a dance with and frankly being violated by one of said girls I realised I was too drunk to fully operate and decided to get another beer. Because it was Sunday night the place closed at 2 but Finding Nemo said he had met a Brazilian (called Raphael) who knew where the party was so we sent the girls home and jumped in Raphaels Nissan Sunny and were cruising around Rio at about 400mph in the wrong lane. It became apparent the Raphael was so drunk he didn´t know where the party was and definitely shouldn´t have been driving. We managed to get ourselves out and returned to the hostel for sleep.

At the time of writing Kev says hello and I am still trying to erase the image waking up to find him asleep with no covers on with his hand down his boxers in our dorm, farting when he felt like it.


Gossip Girl
Stigen says:
Sounds like you guys are having some heavy fun !
Posted on: Feb 19, 2011
shanestratford says:
ali, as much as these blogs r funny, something is telling me ur spending waaaayyy too much time thinking them up!
Posted on: Jun 15, 2010
schtacey says:
This actually made me LOL.
Hi Ally, im Kev's ex-room mate/non-biological sister that you stole from me. Now you have to put up with his farting muahahaha.
Nice to know he still cant get access to any money even after getting his credit card.

Message to kev:
ive had an amazing two weeks without any COD/zombies.
but right now, Ed is Playing, whilst giving Brett step by step instructions on how to kill each zombie as it comes at him......GOOD.

Look forward to hearing more from your trip guys :)
Posted on: Jun 14, 2010
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Kev significantly happier after to…
Kev significantly happier after t…
Just after getting off the Bus in …
Just after getting off the Bus in…
Our dorm in Che Legarto Hostel.
Our dorm in Che Legarto Hostel.
The bar where we were on national …
The bar where we were on national…
The German who told me my mum was …
The German who told me my mum was…
The wealthy side of Rio at its fin…
The wealthy side of Rio at its fi…