Miami - Suncream is for Gays.

Miami Travel Blog

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Steve, Patrick, Tommy (the aforementioned Dutchman) and Swedish Viktor.

After nearly a day and half on the bus, and having consumed more fast food than Rick Waller, at 3am on the morning of the 18th July 2010, we arrived at the greyhound bus station in Southern Miami. The most arduous journey of the entire three months was over, we could begin partying and celebrate...or perhaps not, because our place of residence had neglected to inform us that their hostel was still at 50 minute taxi ride away. After paying $40 for a cab, arguing over whether Deadmau5 or Bruce Springsteen is more popular in Miami, and being greeted by a stoned and drunk Dutch receptionist, we finally got some sleep. Although that was not before a middle-aged lady had made her presence felt by saying hello to Kev, and winking at me.

Me and Kev before a night out.
Apparently we had got off lightly; we were later told she generally introduces herself to new young, white and European male guests by offering a chance to interlock pubic hair with her.

The first day in Jazz on South Beach hostel was particularly memorable for Kevin Pope for two reasons. The first was laying atop the bunk bed directly opposite him, sleeping peacefully with no clue as to what lay in wait for her. The second was a response to a simple question, whilst I was applying a substance to protect me from the environment; ‘Sun-cream is for gays mate’. Needless to say, we came back from the beach after an exhausting 8 hour sunbathing session (I hasten to add it was interjected with various excursions into the sea), and the Kev’s brash approach to UV had had a spectacular affect on his skin.

The Aussie girls. Emma, Amy, Tarah, Hayley and Tanya.
This was beyond t-shirt lines, Mr Pope’s skin was so burnt, he could barely put his shirt on. The Australians we’d befriended at the beach gave Kev a roasting; however, in their defence his skin was a deeper shade of red than the face of the Director of Recruitment at the Catholic Church when he was informed that he’d just appointed a member of the Nazi Youth as Pope.

That night we became acquainted with 2 Australian guys, 5 Aussie girls, 1 German, the dutchman (Tommy) that had let us in to the hostel, and Swedish Viktor who informed me that he had grown up with Sebastian Ingrosso. I was introduced to a drinking game by the name of 'Ride the Bus' which essentially revolved around pot-luck in negotiating the cards from one end of the table to the other.

Swedish Viktor - who grew up with Sebastian Ingrosso.
Despite the fact he remained on the top-deck for almost 2 hours, which lead to Kev questioning whether he had brought a day-rider pass, Steve was still able to consistently remind Tommy that Holland were only the 2nd best team in world football. After a drunken lambasting of American's for thinking he was from Austria, Steve decided he was ready to go, and Patrick (the German) directed us to Nikki Beach.  

Nikki Beach Miami is an architectural masterpiece. The DJ booth, dancefloor and interior are visually stimulating enough, however it is outside where the club excels. Strewn across the beach are tens of double beds, all spaced far enough apart to afford privacy, but simultaneously close enough to allow you to watch, should there be a fitter girl than the company you have, within ear and eyeshot.

Jazz on South Beach Hostel.
This privilege is enjoyed by both sexes, as one member of our group discovered when she turned to find another girl watching her getting with a guy. Little matter that Hayley Blair followed up this achievement by chewing the face off what appeared to be a 12 year old boy in a blatant violation of his human rights, at the end of the evening.

Now you may be thinking that Kev hadn’t popped up anywhere as yet, but fear not; he had been busy in the background. The main reason Kev’s first day had been so memorable had come out with us that evening, taking the form of a Danish blonde who was 23, a dentist, and hailed from Denmark. It had not gone un-noticed that these two were getting on very well, especially by her travelling partner who had invited himself along despite his shyness, and his hair, which about as socially acceptable as Luke Cullen singing hymns from the top of churchtowers in Tossa Del Mar.

Nikki Beach Night Club by day.
Male psychology stipulates that it is generally considered justifiable to spend an hour or two laying foundations with a potential ladyfriend. On this basis, Kev had built the whole house, knocked it down, liaised with the contractors and appointed himself project manager for the rebuilding. The 35 hours spent talking aside, things appeared to be heading in the right erection as they sauntered off toward the beach, under the false impression that they were hidden in the darkness. On their return Kev bore the type of frown that suggests things hadn’t gone to plan, or that he was hungry. Against her better interests, Denmark had informed our man that nothing could happen because they wouldn’t be able to have a relationship. Slight unhappy, but more importantly, wiser for the experience, Kev joined us on the walk home, where I considered discussing whether ‘commitment’ rhymes ‘meaningless sex on a beach now’. Upon entering the dorm I was treated to Hayley Blair’s ‘little boy’ impression, which essentially was her running around the topless with her breasts between her underarms, being cheered on by her comrades.

Stigen says:
Sounds like a pretty crazy place ! Double beds on the beach !? Talk about Gomorrah , hehe
Posted on: Feb 19, 2011
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Steve, Patrick, Tommy (the aforeme…
Steve, Patrick, Tommy (the aforem…
Me and Kev before a night out.
Me and Kev before a night out.
The Aussie girls. Emma, Amy, Tarah…
The Aussie girls. Emma, Amy, Tara…
Swedish Viktor - who grew up with …
Swedish Viktor - who grew up with…
Jazz on South Beach Hostel.
Jazz on South Beach Hostel.
Nikki Beach Night Club by day.
Nikki Beach Night Club by day.
photo by: ellieperla