The City Beautiful 1

Orlando Travel Blog

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Black-Hole Ride in Wet 'n Wild.

It was a real shame to leave Jazz on the Beach as it had been very good to us in terms of new friends, location and nights out, but leave we did, boarding another Greyhound to Orlando. Since we had left South America, Kev had been very excited about our arrival in this particular city due to the recently opened Harry Potter ride at Universal Studios. The intelligent amongst you will realise from the previous sentence that Kev is a huge Harry Potter fan, but unfortunately I didn’t share his enthusiasm in deciding whether I would be in the house of Rimjobsniff or Battypoof. As much as I wanted to debate how many times Dumbledore had blown his nose in The Pensioner of Turkmenistan, I was looking forward to staying in a hotel for the first time in America.

This was the first time Kev had been instilled with the responsibility for reserving accommodation on our travels, and I was left remarkably impressed with his organisational skills.

One of many Best Westerns in Orlando.
Shortly after debarking the bus, we pulled a cab over, resulting in the driver asking us for a destination. Not only had my accomplice not written down the name, address or location of the Hotel, he had done it deliberately. ‘Best Western please mate’ was Kev’s response. For those of you not from America, that is the equivalent of arriving in London, and asking to go to the Travelodge. Content and a very pleased with himself and his answer, Kev got into the cab as I passed my final bag to the driver to put in the trunk. ‘Which one?’, the driver responded as he returned to the driving seat. We spent the next hour driving around Orlando as Kev wandered into foyers checking for a reservation under the name Pope. It culminated in none of the Best Western Hotel’s within a million mile radius having a booking under that name, and us spending $80 on a double-room.
Brainwash at Wet 'n Wild.
Lucky Kev had received his money back from HSBC. Oh hang on.....

Recording a jump that Jonathan Edwards would have been proud of, Kev was victorious at the inaugural Bedroom Olympics in our hotel room that night. Speaking after a leaping a distance spanning one double-bed, two 80 litre travelling bags and a bedside table, the Orlando 2010 gold-medallist expressed his excitement at the prospect of defending his title at The Copacabana Palace Hotel in 2014. Simultaneously, he was quick to acknowledge the fight I had put up, but attributed his achievement to the superior diet and exercise routine he had stringently adhered to in the build up to the competition.  

 Bouncing out of bed the next morning, Kev dragged me to breakfast whilst wondering out loud whether a giraffe would make a good pet.

Dumbledore.
Aside from male giraffe being native to the Sub-Sahara, and Kev’s abode not having thirty-foot ceilings, the main concern was naming him, as Kev didn’t want him to be bullied by the pet population of the neighbourhood in which he resided. We finished breakfast, but not before a large group of yellow t-shirt wearing, european looking, adolescent females turned up. Smelling suspiciously of red-onion, the CIA detective inside both of us concluded they had to be French. Racist and jumping to conclusions? It can’t be long until we’ll be employed by the world’s favourite intelligence agency then.

We ventured into the Film Studio part of the theme park on arrival, making sure we experienced the Jurassic Park, Men in Black, Spiderman and Jaws rides.

Kev's pet giraffe.
Then came, what I will refer to on my Wikipedia page in future years as, my ‘big-break’. The premise of the Disaster Movie attraction is to create a 1 minute long film using members of the audience as cast. There were various typecast roles such as ‘the pretty girl’, ‘the funny side-kick’, and ‘the bad-guy’. But then it came to the ‘Hunky/Leading guy’. The selection process was the same as for the others; the director would choose the audience member most suited to the role and bring them on stage. Needless to say, from a group of approximately 60/70 people I was picked, with my humiliation being completed by having to flex my muscles to prove how hunky and manly I was. Don’t think I missed one of the junior members of the audience talking to his mum comparing my arms to the Cheesestring he was eating either.
Orlando.
D***head. After completing my action scene, I attempted to make light conversation with the assistant who had been appointed to look after me due to my responsibility in playing the lead. If she wasn’t already turned on by the fact I couldn’t dress myself, me going bright red whilst trying to say hello definitely have made sure she was lubricated.

We continued on our charm offensive, heading to Wet ‘n Wild water park, which was every bit as action-packed as the title insinuated. Having worked so hard on bronzing our skin tone at South Beach to nullify risk of being perceived as tourists, the terrible swimming trunks we adorned ensured the locals wouldn’t be left prevaricating about us being foreign. Inevitably it wasn’t long before we were receiving a warning about our conduct and remonstrating with officials. Apparently you can’t try and pile three rings on top of each other and try to surf them round the Lazy Love River. Immediately after this a very attractive girl then approached us (whilst I was underwater) inquiring into our sexuality, taking particular umbrage to us sharing one ring. From what I gather, Kev’s response was less than amicable and, deciding that we weren’t making many friends in this area of the park, we headed in the direction of Black Hole: Next Generation, Bomb Bay and Mach 5.

Harry Potter ride next then....

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Black-Hole Ride in Wet n Wild.
Black-Hole Ride in Wet 'n Wild.
One of many Best Westerns in Orlan…
One of many Best Westerns in Orla…
Brainwash at Wet n Wild.
Brainwash at Wet 'n Wild.
Dumbledore.
Dumbledore.
Kevs pet giraffe.
Kev's pet giraffe.
Orlando.
Orlando.
Orlando
photo by: Reephboy