When Nursery Rhymes Go Bad

London Travel Blog

 › entry 12 of 23 › view all entries
The boat-cum-bus loved to prove the adage “Jack of all trades, master of none” and today was no exception.  Dave tested the new clutch as the Duck sloshed into the Thames nigh on Vauxhall Bridge.  The clutch still felt a little stiff, but would come around like it always did.  Without those screaming brats onboard, Dave’s mind could think clearly.

“Anyone’d think they hadn’t seen a fucking river before. Why do I ferry those obnoxious little shits hither and thither. Even them boasting squaddies were better than the daily battery of the same bloody questions.  No, I don’t know which is the Prime Minister’s office; yes, of course it is real gold inlayed on Westminster Bridge; no I haven’t been in the bloody Eye �" I see enough of this poxy shithole of a town as it is…”

Each of these landmarks passed as Dave checked all of the mechanics and electrics on the wartime landing craft.  This thing should really be decommissioned.  The clutch was still stiff, so he rammed it to the floor with his left foot as the DUKW slipped under Southwark Bridge.  He saw the concrete off-ramp and turned the wheel. Nothing happened. He slammed the rudder changer a couple of times.  Still, nothing. Dave roared “for fucks sake”, but still, nothing.  The tide was moving out now, adding to the current of the freshwater coursing out of Middle England.  Dave’s Duck began to pick up speed midstream, sliding dangerously close to one of the pillars supporting the railway bridge that fed trains into Cannon Street. Man and machine shot out of the other side, clipping a wing mirror on something. Dave watched glass and metal get swallowed up by the churning, turgid water and then looked up.  “Fuck it”, he muttered, “London Bridge is looming now…”

Inspired by the London Duck Tours.

Saladin79 says:
There's one of these in Singapore too; I saw it today. If Dave was driving, he was doing so in a conscientious Singaporean fashion.
Posted on: Apr 22, 2008
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