In The Beginning

Little Rock Travel Blog

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What exactly is it that I want out of life? Money? Stability? Perhaps a large home filled with expensive things? For years, these are the things I’ve lived for. I’ve defined myself by the things I could afford, the car I drive, the house I live in, and the toys I had to play with. But looking back over the course of the past 5 years, it seems that happiness has eluded me. Oh there have been many great days, and many nights with stories that will never be repeated. I have friendships that some people dream of their entire lifetime, and what’s more, I have several of them. I have lived in apartments, lofts, houses, townhouses and even mansions. I have been able go an entire year without working, and spent years working, making and spending more dollars that I really want to account for. But each night, while on the brink of sleep, the same feeling has washed over me, and the same questions always come to mind. What now? What’s next? I’ve planned out countless answers to these questions; better jobs, a new place, another city, maybe back to school, a career in photography, a new car, a new girl, new friends, maybe back to playing music. Some I’ve tried, many I’ve failed at, many I’ve succeeded at, but in the end, none have left me truly content. I have always wanted… more. My friends from way back when and even now can tell you that I have always talked of traveling, of leaving and living one day at a time, constantly experiencing something new. But for as long as I can remember, I’ve been afraid. I am afraid. I am not one to fail, and I am not one to not have a backup plan. I’m not good at not planning out the next step, because I have always lived in fear of missing that step and falling on my face. I have realized something about people though, through my various interactions with them, either in a business setting, or in a personal setting. People adapt. We are hardwired to fail, to learn, and to press forward with renewed hope. We have inhabited places that the history books told us we never would and we have succeeded where it was deemed impossible. It wasn’t until several weeks ago that I really began to see what had been right in front of my face all along; anything really is possible if you are willing to make the mistakes and learn to adapt from them.
For those of you who haven’t heard, it is my plan to leave my job, home, and the vast majority of my things on Nov 1, 2010. My first stop is Thailand for 3 months. It is my plan to go alone, to leave behind the life that I have formed and step whole heartedly into the fear that I have run from for far too long. I am taking one bag, 4 changes of clothes, flip-flops, walking shoes, a jacket, a camera, an iphone, a first aid kit, and my wallet. I’m going to get on a plane and 33ish hours later touchdown in Bangkok, Thailand alone, confused and quite probably scared out of my mind. Sounds appealing, huh?
Now for those of you thinking that I’ve totally lost it, I have to tell you, you’re right… and you’re wrong. Because while I can assure you that I haven’t lost my mind, I have lost my desire to live the life planned out for me from birth. I have lost the will to conform to the ‘American Dream’ of becoming rich, famous, driving an imported sports car, living in a house with 12 rooms I’ll never use, and working a job doing the same thing day in and day out to support it all. Well since I’ve lost all that, I have also found something to replace it with, ‘My Dream’. I want to see the world and the people in it. I want to learn to farm rice in china, and to care for elephants and tigers in Thailand, to surf in Hawaii, and see the Australian outback, to make it as high as I can on Everest, and volunteer on a game reserve in Africa, to float down the Amazon, and to have a picnic in the shadow of the pyramids. I want to go cliff diving in Greece, drink wine in Italy, drive on the autobahn, ski in the Swiss Alps, and drive down Route 66 in an old convertible with the top down. I don’t want to wait until I’m old and rich to do it all; I want this to be my life’s story. I want this to be my legacy. I want to learn things from the people of the world, not the halls of an academy. I want to work to feed myself and help someone else, not to amass wealth that benefits no one. It turns out, that’s what I’ve been looking for all along, I’ve just lost sight of it because of the big pile of shiny things set in front of me. So I’m leaving all of that behind me and moving ahead toward my childhood dream of traveling the planet. I’m excited, nervous, elated and terrified. I have no idea how long it will take me, and I can guarantee that it will not always be easy, but these are my dreams. My days are numbered and I don’t want to waste the ones I have left in an office missing the chance to see the world around me and meeting the people in it.
In closing, I plan on keeping a log of everything from decision to the day I finally ‘settle down’ again just in case one of you decides I’m not crazy and wants to join me. Most places in the world will allow me to keep in touch via faceboook, email, text message and occasionally phone. I intend to keep a journal online as well with pictures to go along, so keep an eye out for more info!
DaniYost says:
Thats awesome i dont think your the only one who feels this way, best of luck on your journey ! Maybe cross paths at one point, let your story begin and dont be scared you'll do just fine !!! :)
Posted on: Oct 19, 2010
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photo by: electricapples