You know you have been on a plane too long when...
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(This is my own original work which I wrote while flying from London to Brisbane 2000. Please respect copyright).
You know you've been on a plane too long when...
1. you crosscheck and arm the doors of your house before you leave home.
2. the pilots voice is more familiar than your husbands.
3. the crew recognises you.
4. the stewards say 'welcome home' when you board the plane.
5. you know the in-flight menu selection for each airline.
6. you enjoy airline food.
7. you ask for the recipe.
8. you have a complete set of stolen airline cutlery.
9. you design a new safety procedure card - just for fun.
10. you coordinate your travel wardrobe to match the stewards.
11. you can accurately predict when turbulence will occur on each route.
12. you enjoy turbulence.
13. your passport photo looks better than you do.
14. the captain asks you for directions.
15. you lose a complete set of luggage one piece at a time.
16. you cant sleep at home without wearing an eye-mask and socks to bed.
17. you actually use the airline toothpaste.
18. you have a reserved seat in the transit lounge.
19. first class passengers don’t bother you anymore because you have saved enough money to buy a house with the difference in ticket prices.
20. you actually know how to fold out the tray table in business class.
22. you spell check the in-flight magazine.
23. you've already read the articles in the inflight magazine.
24. you have already done the crossword in the inflight magazine.
25. you have memorised your passport number.
26. you have more than one current passport.
27. you know all the numbers for all your passports.
28. you know what altitude you're flying at just by looking out the window.
30. your address is c/- QANTAS.
31. you have a copy of the flight information video at home.
32. the stewards ask you for advice on how to deal with difficult passengers.
33. you can give them advice on how to deal with difficult passengers.
34. you know the difficult passenger.
35. you are the difficult passenger.
36. you install a tray table in your car.
38. when driving a car you call speed bumps turbulence.
39. you wake up and cant remember which airline you're flying with.
40. you wait for the final boarding call before going to the departure lounge.
41. you find your luggage you lost on a previous trip.
42. the pilot offers you free membership to the Mile high club.
43. you earn frequent flyer points in the Mile high club.
44. you don't care how you look when you’re sleeping.
46. you've reached the duty free limit for the year.
47. the Customs Officer is nice to you.
48. you look worse than your passport photo.
49. you wake up the next morning and cant remember which country you're in.
50. the only time you meet up with your old friends is in the airport lounge.
51. you write a book on the plane, instead of reading one.