Day 26: Rubberized Roller Coaster Ride

Amsterdam Travel Blog

 › entry 26 of 60 › view all entries

The Irish boys awoke me at 10am, and I was feeling groggy as all hell.  I got some toast breakfast sweating the fact that I was supposed to be at a family friend´s place in Oegstgeest (30 min outside Amsterdam) that day.  After packing my shit, I found out on my first time to the internet in 2 days that they weren´t home from a golfing vacation to Marbella, Spain till tomorrow.  Shit.  That means I´m stuck in Amsterdam another day.  Coupled with the fact that it was a high-season Saturday with absolutely all hostels booked up.  Oh shit

Haarlem, the other town I wanted to visit, also was booked.  As I started trudging around with my rucksack craving a place to set it down, I found a place that let me sleep in their front lobby couch for 15€.  Done, deal.

Had a delicious ham, cheese, tomato, and onion baguette to celebrate.  Oh hell yes.  Interrupted only slightly by the wafts of smoke coming from the other patrons of the coffeeshop. 

My first stop was the Sex Museum today.  (Let it be said that first off, I´m what you´d call museumed out, and it was lauded as pretty tame compared to the other shit going on around here if you think about it).  My only real reason going to the Sex Museum was to see how the act of making love has changed through culture and over time, charting the art of sex through the ages.  Also, it had a fascinating history of brothers in Amsterdam.  Did you know Denmark was the first country to put out pornography?   There were life-sized robotic mannequins performing lewd actus such as a trenchcoat guy creeping forward and exposing himself,  a fat lady from a red light window rushing to grab you, and a couple engaged in a little secret alley handjob.  Overall, pretty informative ;)

I proceeded to chill out on the canal at the edge of the red light district and watch the sun settle over all the little boats humming their way slowly around the city´s concentric canals. It was very relaxing, and I secretly envied all the guys who were throwing little picnics with their wives and neighbors on their little boats.  So cute.

That got me all ready to go visit some sex shops.  You know, they´re really not that much different than any of the ones you find in the States; it´s basically two stores in one:  you have "Pleasure Boutique" combined with "ADULT 19 ONLY SEX SHOP".  It was in one of these that I saw my first "solo cabin", which is obviously not the name but I feel it fits quite well.  You can imagine what goes on in there, as I did when I witnessed the floor with a bunch of stucky crunched up kleenex on the floor.  Hmm, I wonder what that could be.  Then I saw it was €11.50 to watch ONE DVD!  Sheesh!  People are getting robbed over here. 

(There was this foreign couple poring over a dildo, and they were opening the box and the owner told them if they opened it, they bought it.  They got all firm and said something to the tune of, "well, we´re not buying it if we can´t open it and check it out".  How quaint.)

Finally, I made my way to the actual red light district brother windows amongst the throng of Saturday night tourists.  All the same girls were there from two days earlier, much to my surprise.  There were a LOT of people milling about up and down the canals, and I had a better time watching the faces of the guys (and their girlfriends) than the windows themselves.   There are also a lot of sex shows (also spoken of as pretty tame compared to the Thai way of doing things.  Can you say "ping pong show?") and the most prominent was one called Casa Rosso, which has the most well-known (and costliest) show for €30.  That´s pretty damn steep, but it apparently didn´t faze the lineup of tourists outside the door. 

It was around this time that I saw two separate dudes come out of their respective rooms roughly 3 doors away from each other.  They had these stupid shit-eating grins on their faces like they had just spent 20 minutes spying on girls in the shower at camp.  Giddy as all hell to tell their buddies how it went.  I heard something to the tune of "it was a rubberized 20-minute rollercoaster ride.  With boobs!"

Got back to the hostel in time to find out all the couches were taken by other walk-in dudes, so I got a hard bench with some blankets on top.  Slept like ass.  Now I know, right?

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photo by: pearcetoyou