Apparently it was compulsary before entering - or at least that's what Mands told me
6th July 2007
Tallinn, Estonia (euro trip part 2)
Current Mood: Busy
Category: Travel and Places
We blasted our way across the water and into Estonia so quick it was like the film Speed, except instead of being on a bus we were in a boat.
First stop was the hostel which we discovered had a big DVD cinema screen that we can use, but unfortunately I couldn't manage to find an Estonian porno in the local shops so it was to be that we had to go sight seeing instead. And so to Tallinn. Now I'm not sure who tipped off the authorities on Mands, Lorna and my getting here but we've only managed to turn up in the middle of a week long beer festival to what I can only imagine is to celebrate our arrival. A quick bunk on the bus out of town and suddenly we're surrounded by hundreds of people all with beer in scorching weather. The beer festival had all these great local beers but one beer in particular was very disturbing, a beer called Le Coq. Now, me being a bloke and all I'm a little apprehensive about putting anything near my mouth with the word 'cock' in it, but surprisingly this beer was nice – if a tad salty.
Miss Liberty had fallen off the wagon again
Before I left for the whole euro travels thing I sort of challenged myself to break the British trend and do my very best not to get sunburned. You could say I failed. After I greased myself up with sun lotion, Mands made the most ridiculous suggestion that I should put sun cream into my new grade 4 barnet. At the time I thought it was the daftest thing I'd heard for a long time, so daft I didn't even think I acknowledged her suggestion.
I mean come on, who rubs sun cream into their hair like it's a bottle of shampoo? Several beers later and a lot of sun I'm becoming aware of a tingling sensation at the top of my bonce. You could say it was a proper 'told you so' moment – absolutely fried my scalp I did, it felt like it had been pressed against a Black & Decker electric sander. And although it was a bit late by now, I started rubbing sun cream into my hair anyroad and found myself moaning and groaning just like that Herbal Essence advert, only I was crying out in pain rather than feeling any soothing fragrance. It fucking hurt it did. And to make matters worse for the next week or so I looked like I had a massive outbreak of dandruff as my scalp began to flake and peel.
Del's attempt to start a mosh pitt was going slow
On the money side of things, Estonia was cheap. Or more specifically we found we were rich, which meant we headed to an upper class restaurant and had a meal which included caviar for only 8 pounds. Then we became really upper class by moaning about the service and not leaving a tip. Then there were beers which were really cheap too. One bar in particular we went to was called The Depeche Mode bar and all they played 24 / 7 was Depeche Mode songs. It would absolutely do your nut in working there listening constantly to the same songs. Fortunately we were the better side of the bar and drank lots of beer instead. Due to being in Estonia at the time, I was unfortunate enough to be missing the Tour De France stage that was happening in London. Before I planned my trip to Europe I had been in training to enter the cycle race, blitz through it on my motorcycle, come in first and win the coconut. Instead it was to be that we done our own Tour De Estonia by hiring a couple of pansy bicycles and setting off on a 12km tour of the city. It wasn't long before we were tearing through the city just like the cycling professionals minus the illegal performance enhancing drugs they're all on, but our tour guide Laurel did put us on to some dealers if we were looking to score some goodies later. What a top tour guide! He also told us of a story when he done a tour with a load of Aussies on tow. When they stopped off at a point of interest to have a chinwag, he wound up getting into a fight with some local Russians who were hanging around at the time, and was relying on the Aussies to help him out. They didn't. Instead, after waking up from unconsciousness the Aussies took great delight in showing him pictures on their digital camera's of him scrapping and ultimately getting his arse kicked. Poor fella eh! On the tour we went to a pub called The Woodstock next to a disused prison, where I went up a tower and pretended to be a guard. We was told the story about Roland, a really big strong guy who first bent the bars on the walls to escape, then climbed two barbed wire fences before swimming out to sea only to be caught two weeks later in a brothel. In my book he sounds like a top bloke! Then we saw another submarine that was bloody massive with loads of room to swing a prosthetic leg if you managed to yank one off a poor bastard. In comparison it made Finland's submarine look absolutely crap. Makes you wonder if Finland's tanks are wheelbarrows with a hand gun duck taped to the front.
On the whole Estonia was the cow's titties and part of me really wanted to stay but more of me wanted to leave. And that's because I had Latvia to see to.