Spain: Barcelona and La Tomatina 2006
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Category: Travel and Places
Those of you whoâ€™ve been arsed to read my profile knows then I went over to Spain to pelt some local Spaniard with a tomato, preferably a hard one, but that stories going to be in another blog. This blog is going to be about
Thereâ€™s also this big fuck off cathedral called Sagrada Familiar in the centre of the town built by this really really famous sculptor, whose name I forget. Apparently heâ€™s spent something daft like 100 million years trying to complete the thing but didnâ€™t get the opportunity to finish the thing cos he never looked left and right when crossing the road one day. So now we have modern day builders aiming to finish his masterpiece but after taking a look inside at the progress Iâ€™m off to make a bet with the bookies that Jesus returns to earth and wins Pop Idol before that thing is finished. But to give the man his due it is worth a visit. After wondering around inside for a while I notice this long, lame queue of people who look half dead trying to squeeze into a lift. The queue was 45 minutes long and I couldnâ€™t see where it led to, so I couldnâ€™t be arsed with the wait even if we British did invent the whole queuing thing. When I got back to the gaff I was crashing at I was told it went up to near the roof and the queue is worth the wait. So to save my embarrassment brings me to tell you guys this forthcoming big fat lie: I queued 45 minutes and went up to the top and it was brilliant, so good that Im now ready to get married, have kids and ruin my life.
At night an army of prossieâ€™s come out looking to mug me of my semen. I tell them to get back or Ill find a big stick to hit them with and without giving them any money for it either. That soon scared the brasses off, though I think it was more to do with not getting paid rather than getting spanked with the big stick.
The variety of bars to go to is pretty good too. One in particular was decked out with a load of equipment and attractions from a funfair that had closed some years earlier. As you enter the door thereâ€™s a corridor of funny mirrors that make you fat / thin / weird / normal - which was nice, etc etc, you get the idea. So after half an hour of amusing myself, as well as amusing the locals who were looking at me, I finally got to the bar to order my beer. Inside was decked out with dodgems, hanging chairs and all sorts of things you expect to find in a funfair, but without the pikieâ€™s.
So it was a busy holiday, with no troubles whatsoever. All I had to do now was get home. No problem right? At the train station to get to the airport the woman at the desk told me the train I wanted will arrive at platform 5. What the silly chicken nugget didnâ€™t tell me was that multiple trains arrive at platform 5. So the train comes, I get on with a load of other people with suitcases and Iâ€™m thinking Forwards and onwards boys! Whilst pointing in a random direction. But these people with suitcases have just arrived into
Note to Thomas Cook: Iâ€™ve copy written this, so donâ€™t even think about using this review in your next Short City Breaks brochure for
Current mood: Red
Category: Travel and Places
Right then, The La Tomatina Festival ï¿½ï¿½" here's what happened. After a bloody long coach journey we finally arrived in Bunol, a small boring town just outside of
We steamed off the bus anyway like a bunch of Millwall football hooligans off to watch a friendly with Chelsea and made our way into the town centre where they're were a shit load of people. Loads and loads of people, and I'm thinking 'I'm going to get you, I'm going to get you, you too, especially you'. You get the idea. In the centre we were crammed in like sardines in a can, only less smelly bar the odd exception, and the locals living in the high rise buildings above us throwing down water and spraying us with their hoses (and no, I don't mean they were pissing on us) So I'm standing around waiting for the banger to signal the beginning of the fight when right then a tomato caught me square in the eye and me with no goggles on. I wouldn't have minded but the fight hadn't even started yet. And it was a full on hard tomato, probably still green too for added impact. â€˜Who threw that?â€™ I wondered but I couldn't pick out the culprit within the crowd. Right then, I thought. Iâ€™ll just have to have the bloody lot of you!
Finally the tomato trucks made there way and, er, that was it really. We all steamed in like Fathers 4 Justice on another field trip to
After the tomato fight had ended I unwittingly found myself in a t-shirt fight against 50 or so other people. Actually, that's a lie. I saw the fight and said 'Fuck me, I'm having some of that!' Sides were drawn and for the next 30 minutes I was in a group of about 20 trying to spank and whip the hell out of a group of 50. We're going absolutely ape for ages with some Aussies randomly shouting 'Artillery!' and 'Reinforcements!' before steaming forward and coming out with some whip scars to impress an American soldier caught by Charlie's during the Vietnam war.
By the end of it I was covered head to toe in tomatoes, it was coming out of my eyes nose and I now have a tomato plant growing out of my left ear. They're top quality tomatoes and all and I'm selling them Â£1 per kilo if anyone's interested. And that was it really, went to