Masculinity, By definition, is me.

Berlin Travel Blog

 › entry 13 of 14 › view all entries

So i left Aloha hostel fairly early, and by early i probably mean 11. Thats early to me, shut up, i dont even know what day it is. I was made to have a photo taken by the owners with the mascot of the hostel, as apparently, everyone does. The only people who wouldn't do it were some girls from Paris. Im starting to for an understandable grudge against Parisians. (Not persions, theyre completely different)

It took only about 10 minutes to walk to the circus hostel, where i was staying for the remainder of my time in Berlin. It seemed nice but i couldn't check in until 2pm. I left my bags in a huge locker downstairs, and headed out. I hit up a train to the east side galery because thats where the largest remaining section of the Berli nwall stands. It looked further then it was on the map, everyone said berlin was Huge but in all honesty they lied. I strolled along the wall which if it wasn't for all the artwork, would have been fucking boring, because if you take away the paint, Even with its history, lets face it, its just a fucking wall. It was crazy to think about though, how many people were segregated by it and were killed trying to get to their loved ones. It made me think of some of the mad stories i read at checkpoint charlie. By the time i had got to the end of the wall, it would have been exceptionally lazy of me to get a train, so i walked back to Alexander platz and chilled out until check in.

Sat here now, i do not remember what i did from 2 until like 5... not a clue. Maybe i went and sat in an internet cafe because it seems to be the cheapest way to kill time. i went back to the dorm about 5.30 after a Latte, the worlds most manly coffee, neh, drink. see there is a point to what i named this blog, a theme even and it will show as i continue. It all begins with a Latte anyway, and the fact i have long hair and if i shave look like a 13 year old tomboy girl with abnormally hairy arms. Luckily i have a slightly croaky voice from being ill so the mediocre but pleasant looking australian girls i were to meet later would be able to distinguish my gender.

Anyway, i digress. Upon arriving in the room theyre are two lads in the bunk beds next to my single and we spark up a conversation. They were both english and more like support characters, so immediately i took up centre stage and became the centre of attention. Yummy attention. After a while a couple of girls came in and we said hi and i used my new foudn expertice to determine they were from melbourne. We didnt really talk to them until later anyway.

The two guys were going down to watch the football, which i suppose is the defining factor makign most english boys, men automatically because they enjoy watching lots of other sweaty, short wearing men kicked a ball around a field. Manly indeed. While they did this, i spent the first half of the match dying my hair. The definition of Masculinity. Im sure i felt something shrink, and further push me into the world of being a woman.

After the football, not soccer were in europe not america, me and the lads, Josh and Freddie, went out in search for food. While they wasted 27euro between them on food they didnt even finish, i sat in anticipation of the noodles i was going to buy for 2.50. On the way back to the hostel we seperated so i could go grab some quick, trechorous food and agreed to meet them either in the bar or the room, where ever i found them. Upon my return to the hostel i went to the bar, naturally, and even though they werent there, which caused the breaking of the english spirit of drinking by missing the last ten minutes of happy hour. They basically killed it. I had a beer anyway, im not going to miss out on cheap beer. I found them in my room making feeble attempts to talk to the Girls from the wonderful land of Oz. Poor things like two baby deer in headlights, the guys not the girls, they were the tons of metal behind the headlights about to violently kill the baby deer.

They gave up i believe and said they were going to the bar, where they had managed, by soem stroek of magic or luck, to get the girls to go later too. I said i was goign to have a sit down for a minute and would meet them down there. I was left alone with the two girls from oz and proceeded to undo my... of course not.  Once again i forced myself into the centre of their attention, even if they had no intention of even meeting me. Spinning my web of deceet and marvolous humour until they were dazzled by my wit. Honestly im like a magician. i had planted the seed (not literally, i mean the seed of acquantance which would grow into the tree of friendship) and proceeded to meet my fellow englishman in the bar. Once again i found them hunced together, but this time at least with beer. After a couple of wheat beers, which arent the best i must say, i noticed you could by beer in siyes of 1litre and 2 litre glasses. I didnt have enough money for 2 litres, which is kind of sad because it was only 10 euros. I bought a litre and it was awesome. Strolling around with this huge beer, i felt as if i was regaining some of the masculinity I've lost over the course of my life.

We sat in that bar makign friends, talking to the oz girls from our room until midnight. there were old school game consoles and me and freddie had set ourselves in front of mario. I dont know if it was the beer or the euphoria of talking to girls who couldnt potentially eat me whole even if they wanted to for once, but we were terrible. At midnight the parties began. It was joshes 20th birthday and we lined up the sambuka, which i chased with what was left of my litre beer.

Me, the two english lads, the two oz girls from our room, two other oz girls (probably from fuckign melbourne) and the worlds most misserable australian man headed off to a club someone had reccomended earlier. I used my wit and charm to get one of the girls to pay for my entry since i only had enough money for like one more beer :P luckily im quite attractive too and can get away with that kind of thing. Once we had been there not long, Katy knocked over her long island ice tea i had snuck out of the hostel bar for her, Nice one Katy. It also didnt take long to realise it was a pretty crap bar? club? with a really bad live band. The revolution came when we realised the reccomendation from earlier came from the bands pianist. We drank up and headed out again which meant we would soon need to pay for another bar. I smartly positioned myself near a different girl this time and did the whole routine meanign once again entry was not 6euro, it was free. Down some steps and round a corner and we were in one of the coolest undergroudn clubs in berlin. I scored a free beer, and started to party. We partied for a good few hours and i ended up gettign fresh air harrassing soem german girls. I left at half 3 i nthe AM with the two oz girls from my room and we went and got money out and then on to the worlds worst kebab shop. Thats not fair it was better then the one in Bruges, but then that was in bruges, it had an excuse for being shit. Im jesting, i love bruges.

Then it was on to bed and to wake up the entire room at 4am because Katty insisted on askign Josh and Freddie how they beat us home when we left before them. It wouldnt have been a problem but she was still using her club voice, in other words, shouting over the ringing in her ears that none of the poor sods sleeping in the room could hear.

Today i have just taken it easy, but last night was one of the best times i have had in a logn time, i played mario for fuck sake that would have been enough in itself.

All my love, i didnt think anyone was reading these but apparently you are. Yay :) x

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photo by: CFD