The 370km BACK to Puerto Princesa!

El Nido Travel Blog

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Waterbuffalo

So today was the day we would all head back to Puerto Princesa. Needless to say that as usual we ended up getting hammered. I would've included mentioning it in the last paragraph of the last entry, but I didn't want to ruin the sentimental mood I was trying to describe. Nothing sentimental about getting shitfaced ok? We all woke up early to make sure GB would board the AC-van back to Puerto Princesa so that she could go see an ear-specialist. At the AC-van, there was a couple either from France or Canada who were acting like complete imbeciles. He was almost 6'3 and complained about the inferior AC-van not meeting his superior 1st-world developed body-size. As much a dick he was, she was an even larger cunt, harassing the driver about things she need not worry about.

Spider-vs-spider!
Belligerent moments like these I feel ashamed of my First-World development and wish the driver would just drop them off in the middle of the jungle somewhere for acting like complete idiots with their stupid Lonely Planet in hand.

While GB took the AC-van, the 370km journey back to Puerto Princesa on motorbike awaits me and BK. God, I did not look forward to this! The night before my Red Horse had a flat tire but was resolutely fixed along with re-threading my front shocks by Albert's connections. Loaded up on hydration, did some last minute shopping, mainly band-aids for all my mosquito-bites, and we were off. Our flight back to Manila was scheduled at 9AM the following day so we had to make it back in one piece, no excuses!

The front shocks on the Red Horse felt a little stiff probably because sand had mixed with the hydraulic fluid, whatever was left of it.

xXx-rated doggy show
Riding on bumpy dirtroad was a terror on my wrists and .. you guessed it.. my testicles. I got a little nervous around the 232km marker where the incident took place, but after passing the marker, I took on full-speed with a renewed vigor and confidence in the Red Horse. Along that same stretch, we saw two skinny dogs in the middle of the road unabashedly making love to eachother. It looked like they were gay dogs because they weren't in the usual doggy-style position, rather they were ass-2-ass with each dog's genitalia inside eachother's bootyhole. This is the 3rd time I've seen this unusual spectacle, twice in the PI and once in Honduras, and I am still baffled by the sight of this. The dogs seemed not to care about our approach but a third dog did! Out of nowhere runs this dog towards us and gets in between the two gay-lovers and us taking pictures and laughing histerically.
Ganja mon
That dog seemed to be really protective and I thought about various infectious diseases I could come down with if this dog were to bite, so we got the hell outta there.

BK and I were in full concentration mode. Blazing through the dirtroad like dirtbike professionals with the precision handling of swerving around potholes. It felt good. It felt like a videogame to me: every pothole successfully swerved at full speed got me points, every set of potholes I mistakenly rode over at full speed meant blunt force trauma on my nuts. Somewhere along the way, we stopped at a marijuana field we noticed when we first rode by. I was surprised it wasn't guarded by men with assault rifles, but from the weed I smoked in the PI, there really is no reason to guard that kind of swag.

Red Horse under repair!
BK and I switched bikes bcuz of too much negative points (blunt force trauma on the nuts) and off we went again pushing these racehorses to the limit. 

The limit soon came when BK ran over a series of rocks and punctured Red Horse's front tire. We were 12km out, luckily or not, from the nearest almost-city. We didnt want to backtrack 12kms so we tried to see if one of these isolated village homes along the way has some form of relief: cold beer, ganja, food, airpump, anything! We got to this house on the side of the road who saw us sputtering along and kindly asked them for an airpump which they were happy to provide. Man, luck was with us! So after a half-hour of taking turns pumping in the smoldering heat, the front tire seemed to be almost inflated enough to carry us further along the trail.

Huffin and puffin
We just wanted to make it to the next city (Roxas) instead of backtracking to the last city (TayTay). Apparently the old man who lent us the airpump felt sympathetic to us for pumping nonstop in the heat for over 30mins, sweat dripping and glowing red from exertion, that he came down and offered his help. Since he was an elderly local I was hoping he would give us valuable insight as to the condition of the tire and perhaps give us some advice. Well instead of evaluating the situation, he impressed himself onto the airpump (still connected to the tire) and pulled out the T-handle which released all the air from the tire. He then grabbed the tire and in perfect English said "Tire no good". 30+ minutes of laborious sweating almost on the brink of collapsing of heat exhaustion and the old man just let all the air out.
Mechanicman
We thanked the good man for his kind help and infinite wisdom and decided to head back 12km to TayTay where we hoped to find a new tire. Riding a dirtroad filled with potholes with stiff shocks and a flat tire at 5kmph wasnt the most enjoyable experience, but I kept reminding myself that these situations are character-building opportunities. On the other hand, BK was just flatout pissed.

We get to TayTay and stopped at the first tireshop we seen, otherwise known as a Vulcanizing shop. Vulcanizing is a the process by which punctured inner tubes are patched up by way of melting rubber pieces onto the punctured opening. To my astounding discovery, this front tire had over 5 vulcanizing jobs under its belt which made me think that the people we rented these motorbikes from were almost expecting this to happen.

Spider-vs-spider game
We paid the guy to buy a new inner tube rather than vulcanize once more and as he worked on the bike I enjoyed a local game of spider-vs-spider on a stick played by the local kids. After the repairman finished we gave the good man more money than he obviously gets for that sorta job so it was delightful to see his eyes light up in gratitude. New tire on the Red Horse meant renewed vigor and confidence in our ability to make it home on time and more importantly, safely.

8 hours later we were back in Puerto Princesa. More things have happened along the way which include seeing a truck completely demolished after colliding into a bulldozer and BK bailing off the bike. Nothing major. But the important thing is that we made it back and GB was waiting for us in the hotel. She could actually hear now since the specialist had special tools to get rid of the dirty cheese that was still lingering in her ear.

Slicing up some tuna
All in all a good day. We are alive and well and made it through another adventure.

Oh, when we dropped off the bikes we pretended that nothing happened since they might charge us for damages to the bike. Therefore we just dropped them off and tried to get the hell away quickly from the street. Apparently we werent fast enough because the guy came back on the bike looking for us up and down the street as he pointed out that the front shocks bolts were not the same. Actually he was right because the bolts that Albert's friends put on back in El Nido were completely circular and had to way for any regular wrench to turn them. There goes another 150 peso to make the guy happy. Well, 150 peso is a small price to pay for the wealth of experience and character-building moments so we gladly paid with no remorse or complaint.

Mechanicman
Boarded the plane on time the next day and off we flew to Boracay.

 

 

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Waterbuffalo
Waterbuffalo
Spider-vs-spider!
Spider-vs-spider!
xXx-rated doggy show
xXx-rated doggy show
Ganja mon
Ganja mon
Red Horse under repair!
Red Horse under repair!
Huffin and puffin
Huffin and puffin
Mechanicman
Mechanicman
Spider-vs-spider game
Spider-vs-spider game
Slicing up some tuna
Slicing up some tuna
Mechanicman
Mechanicman
El Nido
photo by: tj1777