Patong Beach, Phuket - Is this the seediest place in Thailand?

Phuket Travel Blog

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Patong Beach, Phuket

I remember coming to Patong Beach about 8 years ago.  So when the opportunity came to meet up again with some Americans and Aussies friends I made, I was like sure why not, down south is always fun!  Soon upon arriving in the Patong Beach area, I realized why I haven’t visited this place again in the many times I‘ve been to Thailand since.  I think I must have blocked out the memory of this place.  This place is disgusting!

Men with Thai women EVERYWHERE
Men with Thai men EVERYWHERE
Men with Thai ladyboys EVERYWHERE

Massages
Suits
Tuk tuks

No I don’t want a f-cking massage or a suit or a tuk tuk! This place is like a cornucopia of Asian ass for old greasy white men, brown men, Arabic men, young men, you name it, that dude is here somewhere with a Thai woman, Thai man or Thai ladyboy on his arm, walking the streets like this place is some “I got yellow fever and I want to flaunt it” theme park! Sawadee kaaaaaaa, sir, do you want a massage (all said in unison from at least 4-5 Thai women)? F-ck NO!

If its not a massage, then you got some scrawny little Indian man saying “hey my friend, you want a suit, Armani? Yaar, come take a look”  No bhenchod, I don’t want to take a look!

Funny I never realized how many “friends” I had in Thailand till I came to Patong!  Everybody was my “friend”.

Go-go bars, bar alley
  Most of the local Indians couldn’t figure out where I was from, so they would try to talk to me in Hindi or Arabic.  When they ask “my friend, where you from?” I would throw them totally off by saying Japan or Mongolia or something.  Usually with a big smile and we’d laugh and they would leave me alone. Well leave me alone most of the time that is!

Ladyboy?! I know you’re asking, what’s that?! Well I remember the first time I came to Thailand years back, I was greeted at the front desk of my hotel by one, his name was Boonchu and he/she was the most feminine man I’d ever seen (to that point).  He was full-out in a pink pantsuit and had the highest voice I’d heard (to that point).  He was definitely a ladyboy.  A ladyboy is a transvestite.

Thai HipHop Gangsta boy playing some variation of Jenga
  You see them in varying degrees across Thailand, before, during and after surgeries.  Funny enough, in this land of Buddhism, ladyboys are tolerated and accepted, homosexuality is accepted.  Ladyboys are the third gender here in Thailand, sometimes you will even see a third washroom for them!  Since that first meeting at that hotel, all ladyboys are known as “Boonchus” to me.

Outside of Thailand transvestites are usually very masculine looking and you can tell they are/were guys, but in Thailand, I honestly can say you would never know if a ladyboy or a woman just walked in front of you.  Some of the most beautiful Asian girls I’ve seen, in full-out bikinis sometimes, were actually ladyboys! NO JOKE. DEAD SERIOUS.  I think it’s the slim Asian bodies that allows for the usual distinctions between man and women, women and transvestite to blur.

Nevertheless, ladyboys and Thailand go hand in hand.

Wow this place sounds nuts doesn’t it! Well it is! J But even in all this craziness, I did have fun strolling the beaches, shopping, and especially had fun on my last night in town.  One of the Aussies, Mel, had her 29th birthday (again) that day.  So me, Joey and her went out for a nice seafood dinner and then after dinner ended up on one of the bar alleys off Bangla road, the main area in town. 

That first stop had us playing big Jenga with a Thai gansta covered in tattoos and at least 2 ladyboys, I think! What’s “big” jenga? Well it’s the same as your favourite game of Jenga back home, but with mega blocks! Next game we played was what I can only call “hammering nail into piece of wood”.

Boonchu teaching us about playing "Nail into wood"
  What’s that? Its standing around a cut log, putting 2 or 3 nails into the cut wood and then passing around a hammer and trying to slam the nail down into the wood.  That’s its! Who would think hammering nails into wood would  this much fun! Except that I sucked at it! I got beat on every occasion by ladyboys and girls!

Next stop was the Coyote Bar, run by a Norwegian guy named Freddie. Freddie had a Mohawk. As the night went on, I learnt about what Patong really was and how it worked.  I asked him why do you see so many foreigners here with Thai woman?  Simple he said, cheap p-ssy! Where else could an ugly, old white guy get a young lady of his choice to sleep with him? Thailand of course!  Not only do these girls sleep with them, they act like they are their girlfriends for as long as the guy will pay for.

Mel, Ladyboy and Me
  Usually this means most of their vacation, all expenses paid too. Its common to see elsewhere in Thailand, Thai “girlfriends” in the airport, at fancy restaurants, in the morning at breakfast with their “boyfriends”.   

So why is prostitution so prevalent here? Mainly because minimum wage is about 160 bhat a day (about $5 CDN).  What does a Thai lady, ladyboy, or gay man charge, well Freddie said the price varies, but I’ve heard about 1500 bhat an hour and I‘m sure varies with the amount of time you spend with them.  Considering that’s at least 10x the minimum wage, you can see why the sex trade is such big business here in Thailand. 

Anyways, that rest of that night was full of people watching.  We watched how guys would walk down the street (most thinking they were the sh-t) as beautiful Thai women approached them from every angle, asking them what they wanted, trying to get drinks bought for them, trying to draw up business.

Being beat by Joey and Waitress
  I have to say that night was interesting and eye opening for sure.  When you start to party it up with ladyboys, Thai prostitutes, white man with mohwaks, topless fat men with marker written all over their bodies, and Thai gangsters you start to see why this place is like a fantasyland! 

So back to the title of my blog.  So is Patong Beach the seediest place in Thailand? Well actually NO it isn’t! Pattaya is the sex capital of Thailand.  Patong Beach is one road, Bangla Road, with a few alleyways with bars and go-go bars.  Pattaya on the other hand, I’ve been told, is multiple roads and crossroads, all with bars, go-go bars, ping-pong shows, foreign men, ladyboys, prostitutes, massage spots and I’m sure scrawny Indian dudes asking to make you a suit! WTF! And here I thought Patong was seediest place in Thailand J

Ru

P.

Da Local Ladies
S. I’m here in low/monsoon season and don’t even want to know what high season is like!

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Patong Beach, Phuket
Patong Beach, Phuket
Go-go bars, bar alley
Go-go bars, bar alley
Thai HipHop Gangsta boy playing so…
Thai HipHop Gangsta boy playing s…
Boonchu teaching us about playing …
Boonchu teaching us about playing…
Mel, Ladyboy and Me
Mel, Ladyboy and Me
Being beat by Joey and Waitress
Being beat by Joey and Waitress
Da Local Ladies
Da Local Ladies
I dont know what to say here!
I don't know what to say here!
Playing Big Jenga!
Playing Big Jenga!
Phuket
photo by: Aclay01