I will never forget...

Amsterdam Travel Blog

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Every trip has moments which just seem to stand out. Moments that you hope never to forget; they might be major events or just little occurences but it's these moments that when you're an old bed ridden woman (or man), you will want to be able to look back on and smile about...Well, I personally don't trust myself to remember all these little moments 50 years down the road, so I have made both for myself and for those I travelled with... and I guess whoever else wishes to read this... a list of some of the especially memorable, hilarious, or strange moments of the trip. So please, enjoy and reminisce!

-         The canal cruise with Eddie on my first day in Amsterdam. It was a perfect day with a vast blue sky, the cruise was so relaxing and everything was so new and beautiful. I really think that this is a must on your first trip to Amsterdam.

-         Walking around the red light district with Eddie and making him rate all the ladies…. He was a VERY tough critic though, I defiantly would not want to be rated by his rating system… but it was still very entertaining for me :)

-         How I had some sort of internal tracking device on Eddie and if he was ever lost from the group or I was lost I would ALWAYS just somehow run into him and we would all be reunited again.

-         On my second night I lost Eddie and sadly did not have my Eddie Doppler on. I didn’t really feel like just being lame and going back to my hostel so early, so I decided to just go for a short wander through the red light district and maybe find Eddie/ just to kill some time. Anyways, I’m just walking around and some man walking beside me starts up a casual conversation by saying, “Well, this sure is a strange part of Amsterdam” He seems harmless so I reply and we end up walking around the district for a while, he tells me that there is a section of cross dressing prostitutes and asks if I want to go see them, I’m fine with this and am curious to see them so we go look at them share some laughs about them. He tells me that if you stare at them long enough they will lift up their skirts and show the bulges of their penises…so I stand there and surely they do, I am very amused by the bizarreness of it all. After witnessing the bulge we continue on our way, checking out other hookers. Now at first, as I said this man seemed very normal, but it was when he kept on wanting to take me back over to look at the men I got a bit apprehensive. My apprehension was spot on, he began asking me questions like if I thought the men were erotic and if I was getting turned on, I gave an abrupt no, hoping he would drop the topic and we could return to just making jokes about the hookers. However, he instead then proceeded to tell me about how much it turned him on, and some other shit about how he liked to be a bit of an exhibitionist. We walked around some more, me desperately trying to figure out a way to get rid of this man without being rude. And then he started asking me if I wanted to go into one of the windows and watch him have sex with a hooker… What. The. Fuck. I needed to get out of there, I started muttering some excuse why I had to leave but he just ignored me and kept telling me I need to open my mind and how liberating it would be and some other wierd creepy man bullshit. At this point I no longer cared about being rude, I told him he was a creep and to go lurk somewhere else and  I began to walk away as fast as possible, not looking back in fear that he would take it as an invitation for him to follow. He luckily did not follow; at least he was a creeper who could take a hint. At the time I was really wierded out, but in reality looking back it was pretty funny because he was just SO creepy and I was surrounded by a lot of other people so I didn’t feel in any real danger, just a little bit violated.

-         The fucking weird night that I somehow ending up spending the night in some 60’s style sex den somewhere in the suburbs of Amsterdam. This place was ridiculous, we’re talking STRAIGHT out of Austin Powers, it had a big round bed that spins, shag carpet on not only the floors but also the walls, mirrors on the ceiling, mood lighting…straight up sex den….hahaha, sometimes my life rules.

-         Getting completely lost from the rest of the group and just aimlessly wandering around the canals at night with Justin.

-         My first peep show experience shared with Justin in one dark little booth, what a wonderfully strange thing… I’m still a bit choked that we JUST missed the two person show though… maybe for the best since I was just a first timer.

-         Three men all riding on one tiny Vespa, crammed together and just looking like at that moment they were the happiest human beings on earth.

-         Smoking from the volcano.

-         Hanging out at the beautiful cherub adorn coffee shop, Rookies.

-         Our private jail cell at the bull dog.

-     The asian guy with a scottish accent that Justin and I met in the chill out room of the smoking pig who was so knowlegable about EVERYTHING. I was just completely mesmerized by him.

-          James falling asleep in his stolen wheel chair at the Van Gough museum. This was especially hilarious because he was lined up directly in front of a painting and his head was sort of tilted and pointed towards the painting as though he was contemplatively looking up at it…. But in reality his eyes were closed and he was snoozing. HAHAHAHA.

-         Justin desperately scurrying for his dropped towel as he jumps off the bunk bed and nearly flashes our room mate… woops.

-         James’ enthusiastic truffle shuffle in nothing but a towel, some random man exits the elevator and this is what he first sees. Pure shock and fear distort this mans face as he averts his wide eyes and quickly scurries away. Justin and I are left practically rolling around on the floor laughing.

-         Old Texan Man: While walking in the museum district James somehow meets some old Southern man, they exchange greetings both obviously very pleased to hear each others southern accents. He asks James where he’s from and James tells him about his Texas roots and the old man replies with the most typical southern, “Well mmm’kay,” I have ever heard, of course with an added thoughtful rub of his protruding belly; at this point he is without a doubt thinking how he must tell ALL the folks back home about him meeting a fellow southerner in Amsterdam of all places. The conversation ends and we begin to walk away until we hear the old man calling out, “JAMES!” as though he had something incredibly important that he had to tell him, naturally we all turn around to see what this old man wants, “Yes, sir.” James replies like he is some sort of military man. The old man gives a dramatic pause and then shouts back, “What’s your Ma’s maiden name?” James replies and the old man gives him a “well okay,” possibly with a thumbs up, and without a doubt with another belly rub to indicate his satisfaction with the situation……. Alright so, I really tried to give this story detail so that even for those who weren’t there this could be funny, but I sadly realize that this story really doesn’t really sound that funny all when typed out, but in the reality of the moment….fucking hilarious. Yay, southern USA!

-         The fucking weird horse/ slurping sounds Justin would often make while he was sleeping… what does that boy dream about?

 

So that is that. I am sure that I am missing a million other wonderful moments which is a shame, but at least now I will always remember these ones!

99seconds says:
amazing amazing amazing! Thanks for sharing!
Posted on: Nov 04, 2012
mslellen says:
Ha! This is so funny! I know what you mean about having weird things happen and they're so hilarious - but when you try and tell someone that wasn't there, the stories seem so pointless. We still laugh between ourselves when we remember. Thanks for telling!
Posted on: Feb 10, 2010
asthmaticKitty says:
hahaha, your sleep slurping is funny stuff. Alarming and curious stuff, but none the less funny stuff.
Posted on: May 04, 2009
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