Did we Really Go There?

Bangkok Travel Blog

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Overall the V.I.P bus was a great way to get around.  I think I slept better there than on the train; in fact the only quarrel I’ve really got is with the steward.  Not only had the prat woke me up for crackers the night before, he now woke me for a wet wipe!  Go to sleep you knob head – it’s far too early!!!  Anyway once that daft lad buggered off, I dozed off again only for the radio to be put on ridiculously loud whilst we were still an hour away from Bangkok!  I wouldn’t mind, but it was still only 6am and I am not a morning person!


Moaning aside, we arrived in Bangkok and piled into a tuk tuk and went straight to Khao Sarn Road.  We found a cheap place where we could all stay and slept a little before dinner time.  We had some time to play with and so thought it would be most productive to book our train tickets to Laos and get to the Vietnamese embassy to sort out a visa.  As it turned out, we couldn’t get our visa through until the Monday (it was a Friday).  This was fine for me and Colin as we wanted to watch the FA Cup semi-final between Everton (my team) and Manchester United (his team) anyway, and now the others had little choice but to keep us company and brave our emotions during the football.  For some stupid reason unbeknown to mankind, we chose the masochistic 3rd class sleeper to save a few pounds and so we could experience something a bit alien to ourselves.  I was up for getting out of the comfort zone on this trip as I’ve always had it quite easy in life so far. 


After sorting the bits and bobs, we returned to Khao Sarn Road to meet up with Khriz and Mark.  There was some enthusiasm for going to Patpong (mainly because some people wanted to see the goings on and I was gross enough to tell tales about my last visit) and so we all went there to check out the infamous Bangkok scene.  We found a bar (none seedy) at one end of the market and met up with Chris and Eiko (Gloria).  A few beer Changs later and we all had he false confidence that only alcohol gives, and went to see a show.  Some people, to their credit, decided not to go, but an unnatural intrigue got the better of the vast majority of the group, and in we went. 


Oh my god, I’m disgusting!  I can’t believe I’m writing this, but I was grossed out last time I went with my mates I’d know for years, this time was just as bad!  I’ll leave this to the imagination, probably the safest place, but balloons and pins, pens and papers, ping pongs (obviously), and ribbons were all used and abused props!  Oh no!!!  A bottle of water was used as well and with the gushing jet, I hit me in the face!  I didn’t know what to do.

  Do I sit there like everything is normal?  Do I run out repulsed?  Do I go to the toilets STAT and clean up?  Well, sheer shock took control and I sat in disbelief at what had just happened (I’ve just regurgitated a little whilst writing!).  Finally, I did come round to my senses and washed up, but pretended to be totally relaxed with it all.  Not at all cool!  Not at all!


We all (ed: erm.... all?? Are you sure?) left after a short time vowing never to go back and this time I believe that statement for myself.  I came away with a shamefully accurate portrait which I’ve kept as a reminded not to go!


No, one of the greatest stories I have from Thailand comes from Patpong, but not a seedy story.  This was when we (first visit with friends in 2003) found a bar and went to the loo only to find a bog troll there.  I was so keen to find this bar again and repeat the experience if possible.  It turned out he was there, still waiting!  What happens is you go in as normal, pick a urinal, and go about your business.  The bog troll, who arguably has the worst job in the world) approaches you from behind and surprise!!  Oh no, not that!  He being by massaging you neck and shoulders and then clicks every joint out of the socket and then back in.  It’s so strange, but I’ve got no intention of how h learnt his techniques.  My best guess says trial and error has left him and wanted felon in several neighbouring countries.  He even goes to work on every joint in the spine!  It’s just incredible, but worryingly, all of this takes place mid-stream. I wish I could talk metaphorically sometimes, but that deserves a full description. You come out feeling completely flexible, if not a little violated, but you make sure you tip generously, out of fear if nothing else!  All the guys had the experience, and then in the eleventh hour, I dragged Lori into the gents so she could have the experience as well.  Everyone has got to find this bar and you will understand everything written and laugh so much in a knowing way.

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photo by: Deats