Better to regret the things you've done, than the ones you didn't do...

Bangkok Travel Blog

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7th February it is. Exactly one month before I will start my journey. It's coming so close now, but I think I don't fully realize it yet. I still have so much to look up and so much to prepare... There is so much I expect from this trip, and yet, I don't know what to expect at all.

It all started the 29th October, when I issued my ticket. Well no, it started some years before that. The dreaming of this trip and the thoughts about making a solo journey aren't new at all. But October is when it became no longer a possibility but a very fact. Ever since I've been swinging back and forth between excitement and despair. Can I really do this? Or am I crazy? I'll let the future decide.

I would be lying if I told you that I am not scared for this trip. I am scared as hell, and it's getting worse. By the time the plane takes of I will be officially terrified. But what can one do? I'm looking so forward to it as well. If I could, I'd pack my bag right now and leave. I've read "The Beach" about six times. It is my favorite book of all times. If you read it to you might recognize this quote, that has became my motto for this voyage. It says: "And as for traveling alone, fuck it, if that's the way it's got to be than that's the way it is".  That's the way it is indeed.

But actually there is more to this trip than just the fact that I couldn't find anyone to come with me. It is a part of me that doesn't often shows: the brave part. It is me wanting to travel all by myself, for various reasons. Maybe because I'm curious to see if I can do it. And to know how it would feel. Maybe because I think it is confronting, and it tells you more about who you are and gives you time to think. And maybe because I wanted to do this my way, and my way alone.

I'm sure I will miss my family a lot, and my best friend Chiara, who I already miss when I haven't spoken to her for 2 days... And at night when I'm in bed (the time I get most of my little panic attacks) I know that I will miss my home to. My own room with my own stuff and my own bed... is irreplaceable. A month away from home is long, but a month out for travel is short. It is all just how you look at it.

So for now I can just hope for the best and even though I don't always sound that way, I'm counting down the days! I'm so excited! When I think positive I know this journey can't be anything but amazing and memorable. That I will meet wonderful people, learn more about these beautiful countries I'll visit, and will learn more about me. And this feeling that I have for years now, this hunger inside of me, will be silenced. This trip is not only something that I want to do, in a way it is something that I need to to as well. And if I don't do it now, it might never happen. So step aside y'all, here I come!
  • 29th October: Bought my ticket. Aw, there is no way back now. Time to start planning!
  • 6th December: Started booking accommodation.
  • 16th December: Finally got all guesthouse bookings confirmed, at least, I will know where to sleep now.
  • 21th December: Bought my ticket from Bangkok to Siem Reap.
  • 1th January: Family reunions. People talk to me like I am crazy and will never return from this trip alive. Can't there be anyone to be enthusiastic? They got me all scared, so I'm starting the denial period now. For a month, I pretend that the Vietnam trip is not going to happen.
  • 1th February: Fuck them all. About time to get myself back on track. March is coming closer and I still have much to do!
  • 2th February: Send my visa application to the Vietnam Embassy. I should have done this earlier... I hope I will get it back in time.
  • 7th February: Only one month left before departure. From this day on, the weekends are for planning and for planning only. Yes, you are right: I am a planning freak. I'm trying out lenses too, I thought it might be easier as I can't combine my normal glasses with sunglasses... It took me over an hour to get these things into my eyes properly and now they itch!
  • 11th February: Yes! I got my visa back from the embassy! I didn't expect it to arrive so soon, such a relief :)
  • 3th March: Wooohooo! Less than a week from departure. I've finally got all things sorted out and everything is falling in to place. I'm not so worried anymore, all I want to do now is board the plane and get this thing started. I can't wait to leave!
Pearl510 says:
Haha yes on my first solo trip I was very nervous... And my surroundings didn't help because all my friends and family acted like I was going to die and never come back (they still do sometimes). Ugh... But this journey turned out so great, I became addicted to travelling by myself (and travelling in general) :) So in the end it's definitely a positive story. You know, back in the day I wanted to write that blog, because so many people forget what it's like to go on that first trip and they boast to others that "they shouldn't be worried" and give all this "good advise" about "how you shouldn't do things blablabla," while really I think there is nothing wrong with doing things your way, the way that if feels comfortable no matter how that is, and to be scared or nervous sometimes. It just seems travellers don't like to admit or talk about that, sadly :) And maybe it makes first time travellers even more insecure or worried because they feel they are the only ones to ever question themselves or get nervous, and maybe they conclude that they might just not be this "perfect traveller" and stay home after all. While I don't believe that. I don't believe that the people who were nervous or worried once, are a minority. It's just that it's probably not the great big story we like to tell to others... While very likely it's the story that some people like to hear to feel more confident. At least I was like that. I would have felt more confident if more people shared their honest story with me instead of judging me for what I was doing "wrong".
Wow, so far for the rant hahaha. I'm sorry :)
Posted on: Jul 16, 2014
hannah-123 says:
Im going for longer than a month but this reassures me its natural to be scared! From a wimp, well done for being brave and thinking fuck it!
Posted on: Jul 15, 2014
hannah-123 says:
Im going for longer than a month but this reassures me its natural to be scared! From a wimp, well done for being brave and thinking fuck it!
Posted on: Jul 15, 2014
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