Tigers, The Beach and Thierry Henry

Phuket Travel Blog

 › entry 18 of 20 › view all entries
After pancakes and falling about the market shopping but buying nothing, we headed back to ladyboy hotel by said tuktuk watched the news about the india crisis and then pottered on to bed and got some shut eye. Next day I woke up early and headed for the shower in a tired daze before going for breakfast downstairs then crawling back into bed next to the lindmeister and watching ratatouille on tv. We flew out of bed at 12 and headed for our chauffeur-mr. leo beer, the manchester united supporting tuktuk driver that we'd come accustomed to the night before. He drove us to a 7/11 for drinks and then onto tiger temple.

I scuttled into tiger temple like a school kid in a sweet shop-spoilt for choice and didn't know what to see first-3-4 month old cubs or new borns. We opted for 3-4 month olds as it was cheaper and so made our way into the cage, leaving our belongings outside under the watchful eye of a guard and spent 20 minutes cuddling, tickling and playing with the cubs until we were ushered out but not having had my fill i opted to play with the new borns too and so sat feeding or letting them nuzzle on my fingers for the next 20 minutes. It was mint!! I tried to steal one but they heard the feeble purring from my pocket and clearly didn't believe it was me!

After that, our driver took us to the long neck tribe village a few miles up the road but it was so expensive we gave it a miss and instead he took us to a lake on the hillside hidden away from the road-it was so beautiful and the sun was beaming down from above. Normal people would've relaxed or wandered around the lake but we decided to take a pedalo for a spin with me driving it. Enough said. I took us round in circles for about 5 minutes but in all fairness, the steering didn't work and so it technically wasn't my fault! After spinning around for ages-lindsay took over the ropes but we didn't get very far so we just spun around and drank a beer in the midday sun melting away our troubles before attempting to get back to the miniature pier to drop said pedalo off. That took us longer than we'd hoped and our tuktuk driver eventually gave in and pulled us ashore. So we got him a beer his trouble and sat down in a beach hut chatting about randomness in the blistering heat.

The tuktuk driver bought some baby butterfly to eat-they looked like maggots but inside you could see the head, legs and antennae-yack!! Then he covered them in salt and offered them around but only lindsay was brave enough to try the little beggars and a whinced as I heard her teeth pierce the skin. I though I was going to be sick. After faffing around with yucky food we tumbled back intot the car and sped back to base only stopping once to watch a bungee jumper too afraid to do his jump slowly float back down to earth still in the crane-even me and gaz did a bungee-FEEBLE!!

After changing into some clean clothes we hit the town for tea and then shopped til we dropped (or rather lindsay did and I just wandered around checking out the merchandise counting my pennies). We then ended up in the bar area where the thai boxing was to be played out and so we sat for 2 hours glancing over at the boxing and then back to the england/new zealand rugby match for about 2 hours until the cabaret started. The guys next to us moved at the speed of light, not realising they were in a ladyboy bar and getting an impromptu dance. They gyrated around them in their skimpy dresses until they ran for cover and it was just us and one other couple sat laughing our heads off at their misfortune and balatant blindness as to not realise they were men!

After the floor show we headed to find a tuktuk and made our way back to the hotel for sleep. Next day, I got up first as usual and headed to get ready before dragging linz up and making our way downstairs then we headed to town for breakfast at a local cafe but lindsay didn't like her food and so left it meaning we had to go to another cafe and mush for a while. After that we wandered around town only stopping to check a few emails and try to find some decenet reading material for the long bus journey back to bangkok-yawn!! 12 hours on the bus passed quickly but it was the same bus as before and the same driver and so we knew it was going to be an annoying sleepless night but alas, he only stopped once and so i got a fair few hours sleep. At 5am we found ourselves strutting round basngkok with no roof over outr heads and nowhere to lay our heads and after several failed attempts of getting a room, we settled on rainbow cafe-basic, crap and cold but they let you have the room from whenever you arrive and don't charge you extra so right up our street.

After another 8 hours sleep, I got dressed, showered and went out for a wander but linz was still in bed til about 3pm and so i uploaded some photos to pass the time and then as we walked back to get some food, we spotted a tattoo parlour and flicked through some booklets looking at pictures but while i admired the pictures, Lindsay went ahead and got the gemini symbol etched into her skin on her ankle and scrambled around on the chair while he drilled it in. Happy with her new found artwork, we hit the town for lunch and then went for a few beers, then a few cocktails-mine was called cumdrop (sick) but you gotta try everything-classy girly but the drink was nice though... pictures will follow as to why it was called that. We got caught up in gullivers tavern doing some pretty funky dance moves (breakdancing to bhangra nights). Hmmmm... enough said. Then some African dude came up to me and asked if I enjoyed dancing... I was like yeah. He went good, lets move and grabbed me twirling me around like a rag doll. Then whispered sweet nothings in my ear as I looked on like a frightened rabbit and pushed him aside as I bolted. He told me he liked my bhangra dancing-hmmmm... clearly wasn't watching me properly-legs and arms were flying everywhere. We were taking the mick. I managed to break free anyway and hid behind a column until lindsay reappeared from the toilet and we carried on until the wee hours and the bar eventually closed-boooooooo!!!

We got up next morning feeling tender and weary and ate a small meal before going to upload some more pictures to facebook so that you lot can keep up to date with my exploits, we then posted some cards home and then went shopping for a bit but town is not good for shopping at the mo so we just spent the rest of the day uploading or eating ice cream. We were eventually collected for our night bus to phuket about 6.30 but then we were dumped at the roadside and had to wait a nother 45 minutes til the plush bus rocked up and took us aboard. We got to sit downstairs right by the television on spacious reclining bed seats and so we mushed and inbetween watching films slept and munched the night away until pip pip sounded out that we were in suratthani to change buses for phuket.

We sat in a grotty cafe area waiting and wishing that our bus would come for nigh on an hour and by this point we were bitten to shreds and I'd fed all my crisps to the fleabag dog tailing me across the forecourt. We were then emptied onto a minivan but I didn't have a proper seat and so I was sat right on top of the gearstick and was worried I'd slide onto the drivers lap so I clung onto the dashboard for dear life when we swung round corners. About 20 minutes later we were at the bus station and were thrown onto a rickety old local bus and so we sped off into the distance on our way to phuket town but the bus took 8 very long, very sleepless, very sweaty hours. Hmmmm... 20 hours, thought you said 12-naughty tourist agencies!!

We arrived just after 2pm and met a few other lowly travellers and so we all sandwiched onto a tuktuk-van thing and sped off to patong beach, home of the tanned backpacker. And to be fair... my colour was fading fast! When we arrived we all went our separate ways and we found a rom on the 5th floor of the boomerang inn with a swimming pool, air con and tv so we handed over our pennies and set sail for the beach and meandered along stopping for food at a tacky thai bride's restaurant. We soon met the sand and dug our feet in like it was home taking in the beautiful sunset and spending the night taking a beer or 2 in beachside restaurants whispering away the sandy nights before steadying away home for some rest. Next day we had pots of cereal for brekky then bolted to the beach where we lay in blazing hot sun for the next 3 hours untl I was burnt to a cinder and so I tottered around buying every aftersun under the sun and cooling down my crispy fried body.

Later that night we went for food at our hotel but it was average so we grabbed a sarnie down on the beach and a few beers to wash it down with-well... it'd be rude not to, right?? But then we met Prick 1 and Prick 2. One of the guys looked like thierry henry (again, photos will follow) but I wasn't sure of them as one of them was making lewd comments and insinuating stuff. He was hitting on me and I was having none of it so faked a phonecall and wandered away from him, talking to myself as if I was on the phone but Lindsay and Thierry seemed to be getting on well so I thought nothing of it but after a game of pool and a 5 minute walk to bangla road-the bar street, he became weird and expected me to buy him drinks-not a chance mate. I think the term I used was, "JOG ON!" Then he said, how about you two come back to my hotel and I'll keep you in drinks all night. No to that as well but we ended up walking part way as lindsay needed the toilet but he didn't know where his hotel was so I was like, "enough is enough, you either come back with me, mrs or stay with this cretin" Then he started getting abusive and so I picked her up and dragged her away. On stomping off, I walked across some glass and cut my toe and so was dripping blood all the way home-nice.

We got home about 1am and fell into bed and fast asleep but as we were burnt we were tossing and turning all night, I felt like the sun was on my shoulders. Next day we got up leisurely and watched a random film about diving before rolling out of bed and heading for the beach and sunning ourselves once more with a coconut and a fruitshake. We walked the length of the beach stalking dirty old men in thongs with our cameras for a good laugh-we even saw one old geezer in a thong, how wrong is that!? but... that's phuket for you and especially typical of the patong beach area as the night before we walked down Bangla Road and saw a Pete Burns lookalike tapping away to the music-BLATANTLY pimping himself out (her)-what do you call a ladyboy?? her or him? or shim??

We watched the King's Birthday celebrations on the beachfront-bands playing, children tinkling cute harmonies off a xylophone and then we went to get some munch but they served me a curry instead and I thought I was going to vomit. After the Chicken Amok curry in Siem Reap that I figure may have made me ill, anything that smells of curry makes me wretch. Eventually the waitress rectified her mistake and I sat comfortably eating my dinner. We then trailed the supermarket to get some juice and some alcohol so we could have a nice relaxed night in but on the way we saw psycho boys again and so we legged it behind a lamppost just to avoid them. No alcohol was to be served on the king's birthday unless disguised as a cocktaila nd in a mug but no beer at all so we had to do the offlicence thing for the day. Boooo!! We went home and watched norbit, shark tale and some other randomness before filtering off to sleep.

Today has been a bit of a wash out. We checked out at 11 and strutted down the street to the beachfront where we could catch the local bus to Phuket town which would be our next stop on our tour of asia. We clambered on, still feeling knackered as my mum rang me at stupid o'clock in the morning not realising the time difference to africa-bless!! We rocked up in town about 12 and so scuttled along the street to the hotel where the beach was filmed-where robert carlyle went nuts and leo stayed in room 38!! So we will be posing outside with cameras going into overdrive. The rooms are basic and don't have a proper toilet but it's only for one night, I suppose. We spent today getting lost in weird deserted parts of town and checking out the malls but nothing to buy and nothing really to do and now the rain has come and I am all wet and weary and am going to go take some photos of The Beach Hostel!!

In the evening we went for dinner at the On On Hostel Cafe and then ran around the hotel re-enacting the beach scenes like absolute muppets but as we were doing our crazy Robert Carlyle bit-we were a sniffle, then a giggle and we'd been caught in the act so we went back to the room with our tails between our legs. Then we just talked rubbish and drank juice and ate bars on bars of chocolate and packets of sweets until the early morning but the walls are paper thin so you can hear everything and people kept getting wake up calls-grrrrrr! Then a gecko decided to cuddle up to me last night so wasn't sleeping at all!! me and Linds had to share a bed and cover and it was only a single bed cover so it was tug of war until the wee hours of this morning. Then we went to get a shower-hmmmph!! Cold, Smelly water. We're in hell but head back to bangkok today to attempt to get our flight so fingers crossed!!

That's all folks....
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photo by: Aclay01