Body Paint, Full Mooning and Swingers

Koh Phangan Travel Blog

 › entry 6 of 20 › view all entries
So... where do i begin!? the past few days are a blur-LITERALLY!!! After my last email and note we headed to get my piccys put on disc then to the bar where you can buy beer towers-basically a 3.5 litre tbar of beer which you pour youself so we opted for cheap and cheerful chang and worked our way through that taking in every last drop, the guys next to us were like "we'll be impressed if you do it.." they were and so took up a drinking challenge so we headed out the bar down khao san road for shots. By this time lindsay was a wee bit worse for wear and me.. the semi sensible one (that's right, dad!! me!!!!) we had thumb wars with a 9 year old where dennis promptly lost half of his cash-100 baht for every game he lost, while lindsay tried a spot of bartering with a hill tribe girl. Plucky 9 year old who was now rich began singing and so here we were... 3 ABSOLUTE nutters dancing like right idiots in the middle of khao san road to a little girl's voice!! After stumbing further on, we hit a rocky bar where you entered through the back door and promptly consumed lit b52s like water... but lindsay's wouldn't go out so i'm blowing like a mad woman while she's sucking like crazy on the end of the straw before she burns herself!!! After a couple of those we headed to the bar next door, the cave and hit tequila, long islands and sex on the beach's but thuis finally finished off linz.. 2 hours spent in the toilet vomiting her guts up, accepting random pills off strangers to make herself feel better-i have to confess... even i am not that suilly. I spent part of the night fuelling her with water and patting her back inbetween dancing to the soft tones of the rock band.

Tuktuk home, i bartered like a biatch and got us sorted while her head lolled about over the side of the cab, she used her fingers to make herself sick then tried to shake everyone's hand-nice...!! i had spent 20 minutes chasing up her belongings as she left a trail of them all over khao san road-camera, glasses etc... oh dear. Finally go her back and she sat gazing out the window of the hostel watching a strange man beat a tree with a stick while i keeled over and slept after ringing the family, of course!!

Next day began with head pounding, room spinning and me now making myself sick to make me feel better but least i had my wits about me last night!!! We stayed in bed all day but the people were renovating the hostel so we drifted in and out of consciousness to the dopey tones of drills, sledge hammers and rock smashing before finally making a trip to an english bar fr food about 5pm, then it was back to bed but about 10pm came the late night munchies so we hollered out again to a pizza restaurant and chilled for the rest of the night!!

Early to rise but the during the night the hostel had been burgled so the guy was being an ass when we wanted to check out-they'd lost our signing in slips and were not prepared to give us our deposit back until i growled look at the god damn book!! he dopily kept asking me if i was gillian-20 minutes later i had redeemed the cash and stormed off into the dusky haze of bangkok in a taxi where we ran across the station to make our train but luckily it wasn't here yet so we rested but when it came in-some mug tried to nick our seats, no flaming chance, then he tried to swap but no way cos we had good seats so we promptly shifted his ass. we were served breakfast and lunch and drinks and relaxed in air con seater class until someone opposite stood up and nearly took my eye out with his bag-he couldn't stand with the weight-bless!! after 9.5 hours we shrugged off the water from the leaking air con and ran across the tracks in surathani in order to get our taxi but we'd missed the boat so we had to pitch up in the town til morning and were taken to a clean and cheap hotel for sleep.

We ploughed through the dirty streets, rats and cockroaches mingling with the tourists until we got to the street market-mmmm... maggots, locusts and other tasty bugs-yack!!! some thai guy tried to make me try it but that would have been over my dead body, besides i probably swallowed a load of cockroaches on the train in india so didn't need anymore even though i hear hey are nutricious!! So after dabbling in a bit of illegal dvdage we hurried to a proper restaurant for tea before heading back to watch films on star before bed. During the night i awoke to a giant cockroach tickling my feet, i screamed and threw off the cover and slept with one eye open for the rest of my time there before getting up at 6am yet again for a bus to the pier. We stumbled downstairs and checked out, got a taxi with some brazilians to the bus stop where we sat on the road side for ages with other dirty travellers before some muppet turned on the sprinklers and got us all sogged. then we graced the airconned bus with our presence and sped off to the pier where we waited for like an hour and we were still stuck!! no room for half of us on the boat so we had to get another bus, i hitched up the bags and lobbed them in the bottom of the bus as linz raced to get the front seat-travel sick!!

we finally got to the other pier and sat down on the edge of this rickety old boat, our luggage was thrown into a big pile in the middle but when the boat moved-the bags tipped and were dangling over the edge so they wrapped them up and tied them down for safety. I got burnt like a lobster on the boat and was having back problems from then on but guess i should've known better! After about an hour the rain began to pour midway so we all ran for the stairs looking for shelter inside the boat and we kipped in the corner at the front of the boat, another hour later and we were there, digging our bags out from the avalanche of tourists and luggage was fun!!

The rain was hammering it down and the booking paper just disintegrated before my eyes, a lady ushered us to an open back taxi and 10 sweaty tourists hitched a lift to their resorts dripping with water, bags in bits-not fun. I was sat hanging out the door so my clothes were stuck to me and i spent part of the journey holding on for dear life as we hit the long winding dirt track of a road covered in potholes, hills and ditches-feeling good right then!! We got to the resort 20 minutes later and no rain-wow, we really had hit on paradise. After check in the guy at the bar helped us carry our bags through the sand over the cliffs under a rock along some bamboo bridges to our fianl destination.. a beautiful wee bungalow overlooking the sea, the beach and over on the cliffside-that's it, we're never leavng!! inside was a double and single-shotgun double-linz had the last one!! mine was a four poster with a mosquito net grazing the sides, our bathroom was complete with rock features as it was built into the cliffs-i've got to say, it was he best place we've stayed in. We threw down the luggage, got some lunch then went for a swim in the deep blue waters of than sadet beach, then sunbathed the day away. Later we climbed a hill to hire a bike, the woman asked for no id or anything and hired one out to us but she expected us to get it down the cliff-yeah right.. this drop was sher, the bike was heavy so all 3 of us dragged it down sliding down the dusty pathway to the bottom, then came the attempt at riding it-we fell off. Just cuts and bruises but after that we took it back and gave in as a bad job!

Teatime came and after being bitten by the nastiest mosquitoes around i decided to wear a jumper, jeans and trainers for protection on the way over, the last place was with a couple of irish but i've got to say-damien was the rudest guy i've ever met and racist and got everyone's back up. Joe was a wee bit more laid back but we sat and chatted til bedtime and then relaxed with a beer at our hideout in the cliffs. Next day we got up late and went down for breakfast (2pm, that is) I sat and read in the sun before we got a jeep... well... it would've been a jeep but they had none left so instead we took a racing monster truck-the biggest vehicle i've ever had the pleasure of riding in but it just ploughed up hills and was probably safer than the crappy wee jeeps! We spent the day in haad rin, doing lunch and checking out the local scene before geting beer and heading back to get ready for the full moon party.. Sat chatting nonsense for 2 hours while slathering ourselves with bug spray and aftersun and hitting the beach for the taxi boat.

Met a brummy (and irish) nuala, steph from liverpool area and steve the music promoter and made a pact on the boat to stick together and get off, body paint then drink like fishes!! Nuala was telling everyone that she couldn't swim and was in a life jacket saying that we were all going to die as we weren't protected but luckily the boat didn't sink and so we threw ourselves at the mercy of the waves and headed up haad rin nok for the party. The beach was full of semi naked, bodypainted tourist just out for a good time and even at 11pm there were some people asleep on the beach after too much sauce. We ran up the beach to get some paint and covered ourselves with england flags, flowers, our names and please return to... if found drunk. After getting beer and buckets everyone seemed to cople off by the fire jugglers so me and steph went to the loo for water to wash our burning faces then went to dance on a bar. Cocky irish was there and he hit on us-we laughed then he fell off the bar with a crack. Ooopsy!! funny that... no one helped him!! then we saw a dutch avid merrion lookalike and partied wih him beofre strolling back down but everyone had gone so we fumbled up the beach taking ridiculous pictures of ourselves with randomers and sat chatting to some cockerneys, we kidnapped one and walked him up the beach with us searching aimlessly for the gang but to no avail! We found his friends and a guy called hung from california, steph was a legend and promptly told him he was asian and to stop being a mug-he was gutted he'd been knocked back-ha!! They then looked after our shoes while we did a toilet run but when we got back our shoes were sticking up in the sand and they were nowhere to be seen-lucked out!!

Steph kept taking pictures of people collapsed on the beach and random people's bums (strange one) and i was a dumb ass and taking pictures with my zoom on-convinced my camera was damaged!! The body paint tattoos got sillier as the night went on... FOR HIRE 5000 baht, call this number for a ladyboy etc etc. Then i got a lizard professionally painted on me so i was going round thinking i was dead cool until i met an aussie who inisted on throwing me in the water with him, we fooled around in the water while steph paddled beside us and my bodypainted leg seemed to peel away and i was soaked and had saltwater in my eyes burning like hell-cheers for that alex. By this time, the sun was coming up so we all sat by the sea being looked after by alex covered in email addresses and numbers-crazy times! We found lindsay again with mark and then nuala who had got so drunk she'd had 2 tattoos during the night and rang her parents who clearly thought she was nuts!! On the way back some guy asked me for a massage so i threw him on the floor and walked on his back (note to self-do not try to kill randomers) then steph joined me and we could feel him squirm so we jumped off-made some pennies out of it though-hehe! So what is the moral of this story?? a-do not trust steve to look after you-one word-tattoos!! b-alex almost drowned me c-irish guy drowned my camera d-linzi shouldn't be left alone with alcohol e-nuala shouldn't bury herself in holes f-if you can't handle your drink don't collapse
up against bars or on the beach cos your friends are going to take pictures and rip you!!

Finally got to the boat and everyone was together-it was 7.30 and everyone was bushed. Mr. McGregor was convinced god hated him, the irish guys were mashed in the water and the other kiwi's and americans all looked rather yellow!! I jumped into the sea to try and rescue joe, irish guy from the first night and swam back keeping his head above water in the process nearly killing my camera but i couldn't let him drown. Got him onto the boat with some help then he fell straight back off again and this time knock, the thai boatsman went for him, the other irish bloke was missing but no one seemed too bothered! We then sped back across the water holding joe down so he didn't fall off again and got showers and bed. I go up at 1.30 and stumbled along the beach and found nuala and steve in a hammock-nuala offered to drive to an atm so when we saw joe we took control of his jeep and reminded him what a fool he had been. His mate had a golfball sized mark on his head-gutted!!! NOT!!

We all squidged into the jeep and hit the steep roads into town but the jeep cut out part way up a hill and we rolled back into a ditch so joe had to floor it and pedal to the metal we got up up and away!! we all walked up the hill to meet him and then nuala back at the helm we got to thong sala and sat in a restaurant staring at food and downing coke for the next 2 hours. Driving back we hit an off licence for hair of the dog and took our supplies back up to than sadet where we headed over a rickety bridge to the hidden beach and sat in the moonlight devouring our munch-crisps etc and bacardi breezers. The place was like a ghost town and we had to crawl under some desserted bungalows to get there but it was worth it.

That night we headed up the cliffside to a restaurant on the top and sat in a tree top restaurant staring at the stars reminiscing before deciding to take the two girls-steph and nuala to samui with us today, then it was bedtime. This morning involved filling bags, throwing crap and getting a taxi into thong sala for our boat which we get at 4. We sat in the sunshine mellowing and chatting to randoms before clambering in the back with he notorious german swingers-sick sick sick!!! everyone saw them getting it on-it was not right!!! oh and we saw a jellyfish 3time the size of my head so no swimming today, me thinks and yesterday after us breaking down cos we had no petrol like a million times on chuffing hill and ending up rolling back down-we saw a lizard but it was huge!!!

that's all folks... sorry it's kind of random but that's how it goes... kisses xxxx

ps. in the money exchange in bangkok i met gok wan too (lookalike, obviously!!!)
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Koh Phangan
photo by: alanmica