Bangkok, Snakes and all that jazz...

Bangkok Travel Blog

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Our last day in india (gutted) we firstly traipsed the streets but the stench was horrific and the sad look on our faces said it all... we were exhausted, india had beaten us down with it's filth but you have to go there at least once in your life and i don't regret it one iota! We found a shop and bought some chocolate and water for our tea then went back and watched movies all night while celebrations took place for diwali all around us. The music played long into the night but least tonight we weren't freezing like the night before, who knew india had antarctic qualities. The only good thing you could say about our hotel was that it was cool even if it was a little too cool!! freezing springs to mind! We shivered our way through the night and woke early to go meet my godmother who happened to be staying down the road fron us (in the nice bit) not that i'm jealous... grrrrr...! We firstly hit the western union for some pennies and then walked through the slum areas (not intentional-we were lost) then found a cinema, then the hotel where she was staying.

Arriving at the hotel we were ushered through the back door, through the kitchen (were they going to get us cooking!?) then into the main reception where we requested the pleasure of jo mclean's company. We hit the lift with the porter smartly dressed in a suit and from the end of the corridor a scottish accent bellowed and her arms spread around me as she sucked me into the room. We sat watching the porter try break into her safe as she'd locked her stuff in there for a matter of minutes before heading to the irish bar while she got changed. I sucked long and hard on my limca for 20 minutes then she flew through the door and took us outside to barter with the local taxi drivers. My auntie jo reminds me of a fairy godmother-she whispers into the room and always lights it up-she spent the day making us smile, we were taken to the poshest restaurant i'd visited since hitting india-a sea food restaurant but i was only there for the none fishy stuff, i watched as hoards of people sat around picking their struggling lobsters and crabs-yak yak yak and watched as my auntie devoured her creepy crab (it was cooked by this point), i watched as she used what looked like nutcrackes and a scalpel and cringed as the hard shell cracked under the pressure. After lunch we ouched down at the biggest hotel i'd ever had the pleasure of getting into and snooped around-gracing the bathrooms and diner with our presence-it literally crapped on our hotel. Everything was marble in the marriot and it was situated next to the sea and had fountains and a sea deck. IT WAS MINT!! After sneaking around we went back to Jo's hotel and sat and chatted before saying our reluctant goodbyes and heading to a pharmacy where we bought more malaria tablets. Was going to get insect repellent that doesn't make me flame up and look like the pink hulk but everything has deet in so boooo!

Back to the hotel we scuttled watching lots of people gather around the desk and not pay to get in-we figured they were making a movie of the sexy kind as camera bags were smuggled through the door and young girls identified themselves with fingerprints.. we clearly have a tendency of booking strange places. We hitched a taxi to the airport and wandered aimlessly before check in, finally sliding into a cafe and filling our tired tummies with juice and nibbles. Pizza hut and KFC were as good as it got!! After a while we went to the departures lounge to hang out which was a row of chairs filled with tired, sweaty travellers resting their weary bodies, oh and westerner's taking their thai brides home!!

The plane journey was filled with spicy thai food and desserts made out of rice and hancock onscreen, i'd just about got to sleep when the plane decided to land-mint!! But finally we were somewhere clean. Lindsay had already bought her visa but i panicked as i saw a queue of people fighting their way through for theirs but alas-you don't need one so for once-i saved money and was right-the laws hadn't changed since my last visit! We waited at immigration for some grumpy old man to take a picture and stamp our passports-we were about the last people coming through from the mumbai flight and so didn't hold out much hope of seeing our bags again but they rocked up along the conveyer belt and i launched myself over like a rabid dog to grab them before waddling outside with my precious load.. on the prowl for a taxi.

We got a taxi for 400 but midway the guy was like 1000 and i told him no so he had a chip on his shoulder. We finally got to silom road but he kept muttering about a telephone number-we didn't have one but he was convinced we did and again shouted saying we were stupid. I directed him and told him where to go but he turned around like a bloody know it all and stopped at a hotel asking for directions and threw open the door. I howled back at him-we were on the right road and you took us off it-why don't we go back!? We then cut back into the road and I directed him up the road and hey presto as if by magic, the hostel appeared-PILLOCK!! he then tried to shake our hands but we walked off in a huff-it was 7.30 in the morning and we just didn't need him being a twat.

After check in, we were kindly informed that we couldn't get into our room til 1pm-bleeding marvellous, letting out a huge sigh we set off upstair to the common room but the tv didn't work and we were kinda limited on reading material so off we ran to the seven eleven for brekky before getting a tuktuk to the train station. We booked all our tickets to koh samui then koh phangan and hen we had a young graduate take us to get our photos taken for our visas-we looked hot. burnt, peeling, no make up, sweating, bruised, bitten and tired-mmmm... sexy!! Then we got the tourist office to sort out all our visas etc and hey presto-we're done for the day so we head back to khao san road-the sprawling haven of bars and market stalls littered with little restaurants, a heaven for any alcoholic westerner. We sat and drank a pitcher of beer and some grub before taking in the street, then we got a tuk tuk around the temples and buddhas but he made us go to like a million tailors purely because they get petrol coupons for esso so it saves them money. We kept getting kicked out of the tailors though as they know the real reason you are there-the driver was not happy but after staying in one for a few minutes he was happy.

Then back to khao san after a quick stop at a tourist office for yet another token, then food, beer and a tuktuk home. He sped down some side streets and again to a bloody tailors-we were tired and just wanted to go home but the guy was lost and dumped us by a load of seedy gay bars and told us how to get back-his directions were crap. After stomping the streets for an hour we finally got inside and took a shower feeling dirty after our two days of no sleep then it was bedtime. 7pm-LAME!! I was awoken at 10.30 by a scandinavian and we chatted wearily beofre i zonked again.

Early this morning i woke and talked about my travels with said scandinavian, he was telling me all about the ping-pong show he saw... in detail. Hmmmm... not our thing, i don't think. He even pulled razor blades out of her-grrrrr... (shivers) then it was time to make a move so after locking away my stuff i muddled out the door to a tuktuk and headed to the river. We took a long tail boat up the river after launching ourselves over the deck and then sped off into the water taking in a floating market (very tiny one) then past temples and beautiful buildings before hiting a snake farm. I took hold of a ruddy great big python an posed for photos-very tame, i quipped, the aussie behind shouted morphine!! would you rather it bit you?? nope-i'd rather it bit you!! i came back at him! the snake wrapped his tail across my wrist and threw it's hazy head towards my face but nothing-it was actually rather cute, in a snakey way.

Then we bolted through the farm an i fed animal after animal.. deer, bireds.. was pretty chilling. We saw a crocodile but it looked fake so a thai bloke prodded it with a brush-idiot ;) but it soon ran.. hehe. Then it was time for the snake show-he swung snake after snake near our heads and cobra were released of their poison etc-took 4 guys to take control of the boa constrictor though!! After our slimey snake fun we headed back to the boat, crawling over about 8 others and flew through the water (our driver, much like our tuktuk drivers was a king of speed) he stopped for petrol then we were waiting at a gate but we soon got back to a pier-not the one we started at though and so we entered the busy streets searching for tuktuk's but they were intent on us seeing tailors-we stuck our feet down and said no and so got one direct to khao san road for 120 and then got lunch and did our shopping. Now it's beer time so alas i must go now and satisfy my urges..

Til next time xxxx
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photo by: Deats