Big Smiles Today, Inside and Out...All Day....aaaahhhh : )
Allahabad Travel Blog› entry 6 of 16 › view all entries
Well, well itâ€™s 10:19 on March 9th and I donâ€™t feel like I can really write whatâ€™s on my mind. I was having a great day today â€¦about three quarters of the way through it and then a drop off again. Moody me? Whatever. From my point of view thereâ€™s a million logical reasons for one to be moody here. Here is the ashram in Allahabad by the way. Now that Iâ€™m sitting in my roomâ€¦our roomâ€¦.Scott is starting to drift off into sleep land and Iâ€™ll do the same once I do some of this writing and get settled to bed. I decided Iâ€™m not going to morning meditation tomorrow and frankly, Iâ€™ll take it day by day to determine if I want to follow the scheduled meditation times at all. I have numerous reasons, but ultimately, I think Iâ€™ll be happier doing things a bit more on my preferred schedule and meditating without the aid of the recordings of guruji which often include alternating of instructions in Hindi and English which is a hindrance to my practice.
No internet access here tonight. And weâ€™re out of phone minutes. So, tomorrow or sometime soon I will either walk towards some vendors or get a ride into town to fill some things on my shopping list. I started this by saying that I woke up in a good mood but by this evening it had shifted back to thoughts of weariness and wondering if I was done with this trip alreadyâ€¦.I can tell you right now that tomorrow morning will feel differently again. The sun of the morning and day does wonders for me and when I take a little bit of my life back and get cleaned up and do some laundry and just meditate in a quiet place once and a while when I want to and eat something when Iâ€™d like or what Iâ€™d likeâ€¦.everything is much better. Now, this is laughable to Scott maybe or some others because our 3 week spiritual tour was supposed to be about breaking habit an overcoming aversions and the things I just mentioned would be an example of how I have certain habits and wonâ€™t be happy until I get some of them satisfied. And if thatâ€™s the case, from time to time Iâ€™m quite willing to where the hat of the unenlightened yogi from Lyndhurst who wants a cup of tea sometime (I had one tonightâ€¦and not as much as I wanted, but still, it was great). Thereâ€™s one mosquito in this room that Iâ€™ve seen so far. Iâ€™m weary of the bugs sometimes too. This morningâ€¦even though the bathrooms were pretty rank, I found myself at great ease in them and particularly gave thanks for the lack of mosquitosâ€¦.really nowâ€¦.going to the bathroom in some of these conditions is one thing but to have to deal with being bitten while going is a whole other thing that I was getting weary from. Doing the Indian squat style has been even more challenging since I sprained my ankle too.
I must say, I feel better just writing all of this stuff right now. Thanks folks.
I uploaded all of my photos from the camera to this laptopâ€¦.over 630 of them so farâ€¦so now I can clear the memory card and have room to take many more. Thanks CJ for pointing out that I did have the proper cable for a direct upload. It was connected to the docking station (which got fried with a power surge here). A surge protector is on my shopping list unless I can borrow one from the ashram while Iâ€™m here. CJ suggested I bring one but I just didnâ€™t want to lug one more thing. I already have too much stuff and have had to pack and unpack and lug luggage more than you could imagine.
Well, Iâ€™m laying on top of the sleeping bag which is up on a bed. I could opt to sleep on the bed but the warmth of the bag is nice and Iâ€™m getting accustomed to itâ€¦.weâ€™ll see. Guruji forbid (like, God forbid) I create a new habit while Iâ€™m hereâ€¦like getting attached to sleeping in a sleeping bag!
I could list quite of few things that have been challenges or problems or frustrations etcâ€¦..but truly most of it is just that for meâ€¦.not things that I really feel angry about or really negative, but it would sound like complaining which I donâ€™t want to do. One of the things is the Hindi languageâ€¦â€¦.Iâ€™m really not interested in learning Hindi well (Scott is) and Iâ€™ve found that itâ€™s just one more thing that I feel I have to overcomeâ€¦.listening to what essentially is constant â€˜noiseâ€™ which is Hindi, not to mention the inability to communicate. Again, under different circumstances, I donâ€™t think itâ€™d be as much of an issue but on the trip and when Iâ€™ve been so weary from others things, itâ€™s just one more thing on top of it all.
Most days Iâ€™ll wonder what I think of all of thisâ€¦.would I do it againâ€¦.would I ever recommend it to someone elseâ€¦do I think it has served me well, etc. And most days I simply choose not to answer itâ€¦Iâ€™m in the thick of it and Iâ€™ll think about it later as most everyone here suggests anyway. They say itâ€™s when you go home that you are ready to do it again. Well, I can vouch for that today because even though I was in a really good mood earlier and Iâ€™m feeling alright now, I would say that I would not choose to do this again even though in many ways itâ€™s certainly been an experience of a lifetimeâ€¦one that probably will leave me with an expanded consciousness and maybe simply a better person. Well, thatâ€™s a pretty big deal for a trip huh? But to say youâ€™d do it again? I guess itâ€™s like thisâ€¦..you know those individuals who say that Cancer of the like has been the best thing thatâ€™s ever happened in their lives because of what it pushed them to face in their livesâ€¦that they never would have grown the way they have had it not been for their affliction? Wellâ€¦.many attest to that perspective but if you ask them, would you want to get it or something else againâ€¦â€¦ummmm, I donâ€™t think the answer is usually yes. Thatâ€™s what I think my feeling is about this. Today anyway. I do think Iâ€™d embark on something â€˜similarâ€™ though.
Seeâ€¦this is so weirdâ€¦.moody I guess. Earlier today I was thinking and somewhat amazed that going on another trip with this group in a couple of weeks to local villages to introduce them to Kriya Yoga might be a good thing to do and then tonight I was thinking the opposite and feeling a bit stressed about the rest of our time here and now after resting here and writing this Iâ€™m thinking about the particulars of the village trip and feeling good about it. It might be nice depending upon which cast of characters go and/or what my attitude will be. Thereâ€™s one person in our group who particularly and intentionally seeks quiet and solitude (even when among the group) and kinda does his own thing regardless of the group and I could so easily see myself doing that but in a way it just seemed that it was not what was expected by the group â€¦.but who knowsâ€¦anyway, my point is that I continually find myself looking back towards myself for answers to â€˜how to beâ€™ â€˜what to doâ€™ â€˜what I wantâ€™ â€˜whatâ€™s bestâ€™ for the remainder of my time here. Everyone is different. I guess I shouldnâ€™t hesitate to push more for doing things as Iâ€™d likeâ€¦..but trulyâ€¦..this is a community of people and well, itâ€™s just weird to me to think of doing as I like regardless of the wholeâ€¦.not that Iâ€™d do anything that would hinder them, butâ€¦arghâ€¦.tough to explain.
Iâ€™m tired. Sorry I didnâ€™t get around to telling you something about the sights and sounds in Varanasi. Itâ€™s truly a remarkable place on this planet. Truly remarkable. Donâ€™t know if I mentioned that throughout or spiritual tour we visited key sites as were mentioned in the book, Autobiography of a Yogi. For those of you who know: Yukteshwarâ€™s Ashram and temple and place where he lived ..we saw some of his belongingsâ€¦chair, bowl, shawls. Banyan tree in Calcutta where (uh oh, Iâ€™m not positive on this oneâ€¦hmm, I think I know), Yoganandaâ€™s School for boys in Ranchi, Lahiri Mahasayaâ€™s home and where he bathed in the Ganges, room where Babaji appeared to Yukteshwar, place where Buddha was born, place where Buddha achieved enlightenment.
OKAY IT's now March 10th at 7:03 pm and I'm live at the computer. It's time for dinner and I'm happy for that. This has been my best day yet in every respect. I won't share details because this connection is touchy and comes and goes every few minutes. It was warm. I got cleaned up and it was nice to get settled here at the ashram. My meditations are nice...we are scheduled to have 5 sessions a day...we have one tonight at 11p.
Neat connections with people today...travelers and locals.
Happy Birthday David Lynch. : )
Scott's good too....only minor annoyances for him I believe. Today he spent much time doing lots of laundry and was quite happy to have found one last pair of clean underwear to wear until the laundry is dried.
Until next time...love to you all....and our adventures continue....
Big smiles from me today.....