Back in the USA

Lyndhurst Travel Blog

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I will be adding a few more entries, likely with some photos, now that I'm back and getting settled. My deep experiences have continued throughout our 30 plus hours of travel-I'm not sure how many hours, I didn't count - and this was after staying up the night before we left (so, should not have let Scott talk me into that...the next day he was laughing saying, "I can't believe you let me talk you into that!" I guess some things are the same...I'm impressionable. My deep experiences continued throughout our personal connections with people, physical changes, mental, emotional, meditative experiences, etc.  And coming home has been more of the same in terms of the deepness of the experience. I wrote an email to a friend today and I'm going to post it here.....see it below.....explains a bit of where I'm at....

 {  as for home......before i was out of bed this morning, i was realizing how much i was feeling the truth of 'home' being inside oneself. that wherever one is, is where home is. this is different that sayings like, home is where the heart is, implying that it's not the place, it's the friends and family and the love felt. at first i was thinking that it was allahabad that i was missing and that maybe that felt like home now....but was that this didn't feel like 'home' particulary, and neither did allahabad, but not that either felt bad or uncomfortable, but rather, the 'place' is just a place...insignificant in many respects, it's the me....that matters.....and the more in touch, in tune, in step i feel/felt with me, Self, God....then that is home.
I know you meant to send a simple statement of homecoming and thank you.......i thought i'd take the opportunity to share just one of my ongoing experiences, changes, awarenesses with you since you used the word home. this morning i truly was feeling that the planet was my home....that any other 'place' was just as much home as this house that i'm staying in. It's one thing to think these ideas....another to be them, to own them, to live from them. For me, much of my changes are really the deepening of ideas and philosophies and beliefs that i had for some time, only to be solidified as something that i now AM rather than simply believing in or feeling passionate about. Will this awareness, this expanded consciousness remain with me, I'd assume so even if it's tested in some ways..........for the moment, it's got me in a state of awe as I'm finding that living each moment is like living it all anew because my consciousness is different. And dramatically so. I explained it today to someone by comparing it to a small child who is normally active and talkative but when walking into a new environment they are quiet because they are taking it all in. That's me right now. Everything is new....very new....(and this is not because I've been away from western culture and now I'm back and things are different here (this is true but it reflects a small part of what I'm experiencing), the newness is because of the inner changes within me due to the work we did over there).
A word on consciousness that you know but it fits's like, when you're young and you experience something, like a movie, and then many years later you watch the same movie but now you notice different things and are moved by different things, more things than you picked up on when you were a child. Well, we know the movie did not change, it remained the same, yet your experience with it is completely anew. Certainly many of us are experiencing ongoing changes in our consciousness, our personal growth, our evolution, as we go through life, but when you intentionally do the work to expand your consciousness and in the way that I've been for two months...intensely....well, the changes are big, seem big, certainly bigger than you're used to. You know for sure that you are not the person you were before. And yeah, the movie.....the house, the chair, the food, the water, the sounds, the people, the everything is experienced anew. Important to note...not better, not worse....different...and suitable to the new me just like the movie example....the movie isn't better or worse, just a different experience, maybe feeling deeper, broader, richer, more meaning, more understanding of what things really are...closer to truth, or meaning aligned with the new adult you.
Maybe I should blog this for one of my last entries as it's something I wish to relay to people who otherwise don't/won't know what it is that I'm going through in this regard and keep trying to project something else onto me....saying, i know what it's like and then they'll explain and i'm sitting here thinking, no, that's not at all what i'm thinking or experiencing. Anyway, thanks for calling earlier today. It's been a transitional day in which i was in a bit of a haze. I'm feeling very very good deep down.  }
The falling snow and several inches gathering on all surfaces outdoors is lovely tonight, just lovely, just right for me before experiencing spring. I took a couple of pictures and may get them up on this site tomorrow for anyone in India who is reading. Swami?....your letter in practically in the mail to Illinois, it has stamps on it and will be in the hands of the post office tomorrow.  Missing you all, in that...non-attachment kind of way ! : )  And thinking about how I'd like you all to have seen through my eyes every moment since I left the ashram. Hmmm, for all I know some of you may have, eh?!  You're very welcome to. 
Love and Laughter Always,


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