sandwich meat roulette...

Cologne Travel Blog

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alien meat.

the scene. a little german delicatessen in westhoven, nord-rhine westfalen.

the characters. myself; a korean-american expat with no german language skills. and the deli-lady.

i find myself staring at the sandwich case forEVER trying to decipher what meat fills these freshly-baked rolls. i'm STARVING!! and everything looks so good. i clench my wallet and hold it like it's a friggin' security blanket. i'm so lost. i don't know any german so all i can do is make eye contact, point to a sandwich and hope that they either have a register with a digital face that shows me how much i owe, a sign on the sanwich denoting the price, or that they know how to say numbers in english.

the thing that makes it so difficult is not only the language barrier.

it looks like a jello gone completely wrong.
it's not knowing what meat it is -taste, animal, etc, and not knowing if it'll be any good. i know that when you're starving you'll eat anything, but when your euros are running short and you don't want to look like a bumbling idiot any more than you already do you want to make sure that what you order is the most delicious thing on earth. to top it all off you're overwhelmed with the feeling of being rushed into a decision because the deli lady knows you don't know what's going on. she knows you're lost out of your sandwich-fiending mind. and when she speaks all fast in her german tongue and all you can say is "enshuldigung. only english." you're thinking to yourself, 'man, i just totally dissed her. let's make this quick." so i always choose the thing that looks like salami. only problem is, THERE ARE SO MANY MEATS THAT LOOK LIKE SALAMI.

i wish i could get hit in the head with a brick, go unconscious for 4 hours, and wake up with the ability to speak fluent i can have a decent meal!!!


Hurch says:
well, you're way ahead of me in the language game - I wouldn't be able to do much except order "the dead trousers", just because Die Toten Hosen is the name of one of my favorite old German punk bands. though honestly, a few of these products look like they might actually BE dead trousers....
Posted on: Sep 03, 2008
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shouldn't this be cooked? i can still hear it moo-ing.

i seemingly start every conversation with this word.

a little background. i came here to germany from sunny california as an au pair, a nanny, for a german-tunisian family. the parents luckilly speak english and their 4-year old daughter shedlia speaks broken english, german and arabic. on sunday i prepared a traditional korean breakfast for the family and their extended family, the father's parents and the mother's parents. the father's parents speak german and spanish. no english. the mother's family speak arabic, french and german. no english. so when i speak with the mother and father it's in english, to the father's parents spanish, and to the mother's parents french. all of us surrounding the dining table eating authentic korean cuisine speaking 5 different languages, english, german, spanish, french and arabic.

it's like a parfait!!
 6 if you include me talking about the food in korean. united nations, anyone? oy vay!! interesting to say the least. confusing to be accurate.

i know ZERO, or next to zero, german. i picked up spanish fairly quickly because i had a good grasp of french and they're both latin derived languages. this whole germanic tongue is nowhere near recognizable to me. like, how is 'ein kartoffel' a potato? WHA?!?! i mean, at least 'pomme de terre' is apple of the earth, which is a potato. GRR!! also, why is it that 'toast' is just plain ole sliced bread UNtoasted? why do they call it toast?! and how in arabic 'zoop' or 'soup' isn't actually soup, but this rice-like pasta. WHAAA?!?! harumph!! so needless to say, i'm finding it difficult.

don't even get me started on my diet. i've lost so much weight since being here. my mom and sister seem to think that it's from stress. living in a foreign country, not being home, not being paid as much as i used to, not knowing anyone, watching a kid, being 'enslaved' here, etc. i think it's just from not knowing what to order, which brings me to my next blog...


lauro says:
something like aachener strasse 277
Posted on: Sep 03, 2008
lauro says:
hahhaahahah what an adventure for you! ^_^

dont worry! youll find asian foods in asian supermakets!

dang - i was searching for the business card but it was gone in my wallet.

it is in aachener street in cologne!
Posted on: Sep 03, 2008

so this is a travel site. about travelling and making friends. sharing your travels and giving hints or reviews on where you've been, yeah?

i was sifting thru my friends list and thought to myself, 'man, that's a lot of dudes. i want to meet more travelling chicks.' so i made an effort to send friend requests to girls.

girls only like guy friends. that's the conclusion i've come to. because i've sent out many requests. MANY. i only have 4 friends that are females. granted, i only started this travbuddy thing last week, but still!! how self-absorbed can you be? this isn't about how hot you are or how popular you are or how many guy friends you have commenting on your "hot pictures". if you want that, go play on myspace. this is about travelling and making friendships with people of a common bond.

it's frustrating.

though i understand that some people are only interested in 'hooking-up', and that's all fine and dandy if that's your bag, i still think that the fundamental foundations of what this site's purpose and intent was all about should not be forgotten and overlooked. it says it in the banner on every travbuddy screen, ladies. "the fun way to share travel advice and meet other travelers".

get over yourselves.

i'm sure this entry doesn't help me making friends, but damnit!! i have a voice and an opinion. and this bullshit is pathetic!!

alien meat.
alien meat.
it looks like a jello gone complet…
it looks like a jello gone comple…
shouldnt this be cooked? i can st…
shouldn't this be cooked? i can s…
its like a parfait!!
it's like a parfait!!
this looks like its molding...
this looks like it's molding...
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photo by: lauro