if only i could....

Aljezur Travel Blog

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a music that depicts what i was feeling roadtripping across the real portugal.
"when i admire the wonder of a sunset or the beauty of the moon, my soul expands in worship of the creator"

mahatma gandhi

truly an inspiring words for me as a lover of sunset. i love the dusk and twilight, i love it when the night is slowly creeping into the light. a sort of magic for me. it feels like i am entering another dimension, yes i love it when it's  getting dark. i just feel so different.

but this time, it was not to be as dusk was already kissing the sky. i never felt so bad and sad during a travel. i never felt so much homesick, so far from everything, so far from what i am used to. strangely, it came back to me, this situation happened to me when i traveled alone in greece, traveled alone into the mountains - where i was tired, hungry, lost in translation, far from what i am used to, nevertheless, i had fun, being alone.  but now, it just feels so different, with other people being with me - and my misadventures, i just felt so guilty dragging them along with one of my stupid misadventures. and the most heavy part was, that all of these kids are my responsibility if ever something happens, as i am the oldest, i know its stupid to think about it, but thats what i was feeling. it was really, if i am alone, i can get out of this mishap but if 5 people are counting on me, it was hard to put a brave face.

it was so quiet inside the car, there wasnt any music on. everybody was tuned into their ipods or looking out the window. before turning back up north, lori and hannah looked at the map and decided to camp the night out at sines. it was still far from lagos about 120 kms, from the map, it would be a heavy drive for ben. as we decided to avoid tolls, we will use the secondary roads. in the map the road to sines, was very tricky - zigzaggy roads and we must drive through aljezur which is located in the heart of
parque natural do sudoeste alentejano e costa vicentinantinantina.

as i opened the window, cool gentle breeze was blowing. we were grindy from the stifling heat and the long drive to lagos.

i looked out the window with so many thoughts preoccupying my head. if only i could, if only i could, i only i could....

the drive...was absolutely painful, up, down, zigzaggy roads across hills, mountains, deep valleys and ravines, ben couldnt gas it up because the speed limit was only 50 kms/hour and there were lots of hidden cameras around. it would be a total total total fuck up if we got caught speeding, ben was not allowed to drive the car inside spain and portugal, pablo rented the car for us, as it was in his name AND THE CAR WAS NOT INSURED. if something happened, it will be the last straw as i would never ever forgive myself. and ben wasnt kidding, as we were pulling behind a truck which was so slow, ben suddenly overtook it. WHAT THE FUCK?!!!! what if a car was coming on the otherside?! we couldve smashed! my heart was pounding so wildly, as the girls screamed, ben laughed and smiled, i laughed after that, it was an ice breaker for all of us. now everybody was talking again, small talks, it was not much but it was a progress.

my heart was sill thudding fast and hard but the views were STUNNING, the sun was setting, giving an extraordinary glow of orange, blue and pinkish colors at the same time and to my window - what a beautiful sight! old windmills, fields of rapsöl (rapeseeds), old and rustic houses, small cafe's and restraurants with people sitting outside, not just ordinary people, but old people who were lazying themselves in their terrace, men with old hats that reminded alex of old mexico, it looked like we were back in rustic old portugal where the time that only sepia and black and white pictures were printed. we still didnt had music in the car and we were driving super slowly, it was better as i/we were not distracted from the glory and richness sight to behold. i can hear old portuguese music in my head, eventhough i havent heard till then portuguese music. we were seeing portugal, the real and old portugal far away from the tourist spots, tourists attractions. little i know about portugal, in which portugal, is a country, that take its time, slowly, relaxed, laid-back, a landscape that is different, an old language, charming people, beautiful people,  a beautiful beautiful beautiful country.

there is hope after all.

"when i admire the wonder of a sunset or the beauty of the moon, my soul expands in worship of the creator"

mahatma gandhi

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a music that depicts what i was f…
photo by: catherineb