"It is amazing how fast things happen in life. Most things are beyond our understanding of why they even happen. We must put our trust in our faith at certain points in our lives and just pray we have made the right choice. So when an opportunity arises, even though you can not yet comprehend what lies beyond the choice, is it best to go the safer route and always wonder what could have happened? or is it better to go the more risky route, to follow the whispers of spirits, risk heart ache and pain for all that could have been?"
desires and fragments
from travbuddy skylar
these words inspired me to do what i had always wanted to do since i came to europa to visit a country that had since long my dream but it was always obscure to me because i dont know what to expect, should i cry? should i feel hatred or jealousy? should i smile? should i be stoic and emotionless? or would i be drowned by a vortex of mixed emotions that would weigh me?
but these questions would not be answered if i would not push the limit. as a traveler - i am a risk taker - i had almost died, cheated, into a fight, starved, sleepless and pennyless while travelling but there is something that i am always afraid of - to visit the country which my roots are - the sangre that runs into my veins - which is spain.
my mother is of spanish descent - but she was never been to spain - i feel i had to do it not only for me but also for her. but the questions remains in my head - how would i feel if i go to this land where my home was a colony for 333 years, which they plundered, destroyed and took away it's riches? where they ingraved a mentality of stubborness, fear and an overwhelming compassion for catholic religion which are hindrances for the progression of our country embeded in the psyche of our people. would i be enraged if i see beautiful structures and magnificent edifices that were once made by the blood, sweat and slavery of the colonial times and gold gold gold around the heart of spain - in madrid - knowing that some of those in the past belong to my country?
ah, so many questions, so many negative questions - that will always lie in my unconscious. i am thirty years old, but i still feel i am in a prison, i had to set myself free and as first step of freedom, i will follow the desires of my heart and whispers of the spirit.
a once in a lifetime experience to fullfill a long time dream. it is the calm before the storm.
la calma antes de la tormenta.