Bangkok Travel Blog› entry 8 of 11 › view all entries
Sigh sigh sigh!!! What can I say…you have to love ‘em and you have to hate ‘em haha… My Patpong experience was a hellish one. I vowed not to go back there again except maybe to just be out on the street looking in haha, but to go inside another bar where they do ping-pong shows and other ultra electro magical pop … well… that’s like ‘nunca mas cabron’ but then again I’m not the type that keeps my options close, I like to keep them open at all times lol.
But anyhoo, there we were--I was with an Asian-American dude I met earlier in the day; he was my camera buddy when we met in Grand Palace, we were being wheeled in by a bunch of pimps hawking their bars, convincing us that the show was just for B100, all you have to do was order beer and you’d see a ping-pong, banana, nails and the magic that you can only see in Bangkok… and they kept on insisting that they do not have any cover charge.
We finally sat and this chubby woman of about 49 years of age naked from her bra down was already lying flat on her back with a naked banana on her right hand. She inserted the fruit that will no longer be worthy of being called a smoothie after 2 or 3 attempts, and when the banana was already inside; from the stage she was pointing her artillery towards me and calculating the targeted projectile.
We watched two more magical moments; where they showed several nails on a string coming out of an again overage nasty entertainer and a super old woman with stretch marks matching the banyan trees I saw in Angkor Wat blowing out birthday candles from a long champola tube inserted somewhere inside her, I don’t know where she got the air to blow out the candles, I don’t think that she was even farting the whole time because that would only ignite the candles more if that were the case hahahaha.
As we were about to prepare our B100 we asked for the bill... lo and behold they were charging us B2900 for almost everythingNo wonder some of the girls kept putting their empty glasses on our table, which in return I put on another empty table that was not ours.
...so we headed to the bar where the lady manager was; and as we tried to explain that the original agreement was just a B100 each for the magnipiceynt show... the manager started shouting and yelling that that was her show and she will do anything that she wants; hence the rip-off price, which is really an understatement. My new friend kept on telling her that its what the pimp said and that what she was doing was absurd and an outright extortion... the argument was reallyy getting heated up... and since she was arguing with an American, my friend would just not want to concede debate while I was thinkin' "Holy paksyet! how can we get out of this fuckin' situation these rip-offs are trying pull off" In my zen-asian sor t of wisdom I tried to reason with the manager.
Then the manager finally said "Ok, you pay B1000 and then you go" I was able to calm my friend down and still insisted that we only had B200 at best; with a few haggling and a lot of stalemates I pulled out my wallet and gave her B400 for the whole bill and started to head out the exit which was guarded by a fat lady bouncer and several pimps and lady boys and girls... good thing they made way since apparently the manager took the B400 and finally agreed after a very very very insane and intense situation... I really thought that either we would end up in jail, hospital or worse :-( boohoo...
Sheezkebab! we then went out towards the main road from Patpong while still getting a quick peek inside the girly go-go bars--one minute after the fiasco.
On the main road we just had drinks instead, some ice cold san mig and a cocktail. We laughed off the whole situation, nodded and scratched our heads in disbelief and my newfound friend paid me the B200 said Kampai, and laughed our asses out snorting, while talking and replaing the whole scene over and over.
We were better off drinking on that street bar outside Patpong; we met a nice Spain and Italian couple whom we just chatted the night away... the Italian guy said they never watched the ping-pong show "Why watch girls playing ping-pong it's just boring" hahaha that's a good one.
Going home i thought to myself "Man that was some kickass experience... next time i'll keep the Patpong out of my Kangkong" ;-p