jobhunting!

My life has turned upside down, sideways, left, right, round, round and whatever fooking ways.  It is because of my great stupidity that I missed my flight from London back to Germany and I am supposed to catch my flight tomorrow to Manila from there but now it's not gonna happen. I just lost track of time at the airport... and so many other reasons but not gonna tell.  Darn Ryanair wouldnt let me get on the next flight for free! I only got very very few money left and they asked me to pay 190pounds. Ridiculous. I tried my best looking for people to book the next flight for me but it was not a success. I ran out of money for the payphone and internet until I got to a point of begging people some coins. The world isn't so nice anymore, out of 100 2 people only gave me 3pounds. Good thing I went to the filipino store I know very well and asked for help. The filipinos there gave me 7 pounds and even food to eat. And fook, I only had 10 pounds left on my ATM. Fook.

I hate to say this but I cried like a million dozen mega times. Everything was going great until today, my last day for this euro trip. Darn I really can't make it to Asia anymore. I have been looking forward to it, coming home, seeing friends and going to see more of South East Asia. I don't really care about me, I'm more worried about the people who's looking forward to seeing me again. I feel bad for my family, friends I already planned to see, travelbuddies, neighbors especially the one who always sells me insurance, people I owe money and just the whole mankind. My South East Asia trip is not going to push through for this month. Jear, I'm really really really sorrrrrry. I know you've always wanted to see and kill me. I'm so fooked, I'm soooooo sorry!!!!! Kill me now if you want! Actually, no. You'll like that. I might only get to Manila in 3 months. Really sucks!

It's driving me crazy. I really want to go home soon! Why oh why! Why me! So I'm in London still and with only 2 pounds left. I'm staying at Audrey's and I have decided to stay and look for a job here in London. It is my plan to move here in January anyway but I never thought I would make it this soon. Who would've known! Crazy huh? Thanks to Wayne who's lending me some money that I will try to make last for weeks or until I do suicide, I think I can somehow make it here. I'm just too problematic I just thought I'll do it anyway because how can this get worse?

I am fooked. Anyone in London who can give me a couch to sleep on, please message me. I am serious. And please give me any job. ANY! I still have to call my mom and tell her this fookness.  This is crazzzzzzzzzzzzy! What the hell, I'm going to be living with my backpack for more months. I hope to get a job soon. I'm going to ask the other filipinos I just met if they can help me out. If anyone's worried, you know what I really need. Money! Oh jeez, if only I can have access to my money in the Philippines, but I locked it. ATMs gone. I am seriously going to beg more money on the streets.

I'm soooo sorry to myself.