Chocolate avoidance strategies

Oakville Travel Blog

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Niagara Falls
The exam went basically as I had predicted, I did remarkably well considering I had only read half the book. I kind of passed ‘on average’ which means I didn’t. Still I have booked the free re-sit and hopefully I will have read the rest of the book by then.

I did however pass my Smart Serve course, so I am now legally allowed to dispense Alcohol in Ontario! Before I had to serve moonshine from a small speak-easy I was running in my sister’s basement. The clientele were limited in numbers as my marketing strategy was not terribly successful, owing to the fact that I had blown the advertising budget on rubber snakes*.

Upon returning from doing the exam (not the smart serve, the other one) I discovered a strange and wonderful phenomenon. I entered my room (actually I’s room as we booted her out while the family were over for Christmas.
Downtown Toronto, one second before 2009 started.
) to discover an eerie atmosphere. Confusing sounds and bright lights were abruptly terminated when I shut the blinds and closed the door. Having restored normality I turned to discover my towel, drying innocently as I had left it on a footrest, but with one shocking and hideous alteration. A towel crop circle had appeared during my absence. Measuring approx 30cm diameter, this rarely witnessed spectacle took me entirely by surprise. Luckily I had my camera handy, please see attached photographic evidence.

Adding to mysterious spectacles this holiday has been the occasion of my flying sister. I never knew she could fly, her DNA must have been altered by the alpha radiation from the TV set whilst watching ‘Heroes’.  We were up at My Aunt’s house in Ottawa, my cousin (J) and his wife (N) turned up unexpectedly with a Christmas gift for my Aunt (B) and Uncle (D) that had been misplaced.
Fireworks in Downtown Toronto on new years eve
B & D cautiously unwrapped said present through a curious two person version of pass the parcel until D was holding an empty box labelled ‘clear blue’ and B was holding what appeared to be a USB stick with some litmus paper at one end, both with puzzled expressions. Realisation caught my sister in an instant, time appeared to slow as she rose into the air from a sitting position on the couch, cleared the coffee table by roughly 4 feet, landed on the other side of the room and threw her arms around N in a congratulatory fashion. Approximately 5 seconds later the rest of us dawned what was going on. A round of Hearty man hugs and girlish squeals later magically glossed over the levitation my sister had so excellently performed, but her secret is out and documented here so she can’t deny it.
The impression left by a small alien craft, having landed on my bath towel.
Although I do occasionally embellish my stories. Slightly.

With Christmas and family gatherings comes food and with food comes snacks and with snacks comes chocolate. Chocolate is one of my biggest downfalls. Chocolate will undoubtedly be my undoing (either that or my love of Ribena. However I have never heard of ‘Death by Ribena’, Ribena at least contains some vitamin C whereas chocolate appears to have a more infamous reputation). During my childhood I consumed more than a Cadbury’s factory worker’s share of chocolate and this has had some unfortunate consequences. Firstly I find it highly addictive (who doesn’t?) and secondly it gives me zits, contrary to popular scientific evidence. This has resulted in strange behaviours I can only categorise as Chocolate avoidance strategies.
A steam loco in the Ottawa science museum


Here are the results:

1.    I have started eating toffee
2.    I can sate my appetite briefly by inhaling the air trapped in the quality street tin.
3.    Oatmeal raisin cookies have started to become interesting. Very interesting.
4.    My sister gets my share of chocolate that Santa left in my Christmas stocking. Not fair.

In conclusion I think it best if I start eating chocolate again. Sorry sis.

*see my yet to be published memoirs for details of the rubber snake incident.
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Niagara Falls
Niagara Falls
Downtown Toronto, one second befor…
Downtown Toronto, one second befo…
Fireworks in Downtown Toronto on n…
Fireworks in Downtown Toronto on …
The impression left by a small ali…
The impression left by a small al…
A steam loco in the Ottawa science…
A steam loco in the Ottawa scienc…
Big sky over Ottawa
Big sky over Ottawa
Oakville
photo by: nathanphil