What do a single guy and a married guy talk about on a wednesday night...
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May 21st, 2008 – by: madmax811
Anyhow...iâ€™ve decided itâ€™s time to stop being a useless f*ck for at least a day...so here are my ramblings...for the day at least.
I was chatting with one of my married friends...and we were discussing the complexities and eccentricities of the opposite sex. I mean here is a guy whose ex wonâ€™t even talk to him...and my friend, well heâ€™s been married for a while so you can understand him. ha
yes...in other words, gentlemen, we were trying to fathom the WHY of the FEMALE HUMAN capacity to be so bitchy and hard to pleaseâ€¦
Ladies...i am kidding...you girls are adorable, immaculate creatures that we are just so fortunate to even be allowed to be graced with your presence!
anyhow, so after much complaining and brainstorming of our complex, intelligent minds -all of 20 seconds- we decided to do what we do best. Shoot the shit and tell some jokes.
So here are a few of the jokes that we came up with...ok he did...i just laughed and snorted like a pig. I found them really funny...and in reality this is the only reason i wrote this entry. =P
TAKING A WOMAN TO BED
What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58. 68, and 78 ?
At 8ďż˝"You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18ďż˝"You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28ďż˝"You donâ€™t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38ďż˝"She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48ďż˝"She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58ďż˝"You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68ďż˝"If you take her to bed, thatâ€™ll be a story!
At 78ďż˝"What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???
and here is the one that wins the prize...at least for me...haha
A man and his wife go on vacation to jerusalem. While on vacation the wife passes away. the undertaker tells the man, â€ś you can ship her home for $5000 or you can bury her here in the holy land for $150. the old man thinks a while and says â€śIâ€™ll take her homeâ€ť the undertaker asks him why would he rather take her home for 5 grand than bury her there. the old man says,
â€ť long ago a man died here and was buried. After three days he rose again. I just canâ€™t take that chanceâ€ť
well, so thatâ€™s how we ended our conversation...off he went â€śto search for the mythical Cleeehh-toh-reeesâ€ť (this line is funny if youâ€™ve seen FORGETTING SARAH FERGUSON)...aka try to convince his better half to make him a better man...at least for 2 minutes! But my guess is that he didnâ€™t get the 2 minutes...just a slap on the face and an his marching orders to go to sleep!
haha...times like these are when i realize how good it is to be single! ok...well, i am the sucker going to bed alone but at least i am not getting smacked and told to go to work and make some money! haha...so much pressure!
Till next time...sorry you wasted the last 5 minutes on this shite!
DISCLAIMER: these musings are just plainly random thoughts written down while under the influence of coke...way too much coke...maybe i should listen to my mother and stop drinking so much soda...but then again...i stopped listening to her 20 yrs ago...just to spite her!
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