What do a single guy and a married guy talk about on a wednesday night...

Shanghai Travel Blog

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Women are Evil PROOF
So...here is my 1st entry to this blog thingy...i have been putting it off for a while cuz i just have constant writer’s block...but most of all, i think that ever since my Sophomore Year High School Speech Class teacher asked...“Max are you a SLACKER???” I truly believe that! (freaking Mr. Carelli...guess he knows his stuff cuz he is the same teacher that taught Val Kilmer drama back in California or was it Kevin Spacey????) haha...My friend Simon was present that day in that class and he’s known me for 15 yrs...he can answer that question with a YES!

Anyhow...i’ve decided it’s time to stop being a useless f*ck for at least a day...so here are my ramblings...for the day at least.
I was chatting with one of my married friends...and we were discussing the complexities and eccentricities of the opposite sex. I mean here is a guy whose ex won’t even talk to him...and my friend, well he’s been married for a while so you can understand him. ha

yes...in other words, gentlemen, we were trying to fathom the WHY of the FEMALE HUMAN capacity to be so bitchy and hard to please…

Ladies...i am kidding...you girls are adorable, immaculate creatures that we are just so fortunate to even be allowed to be graced with your presence!

anyhow, so after much complaining and brainstorming of our complex, intelligent minds -all of 20 seconds- we decided to do what we do best. Shoot the shit and tell some jokes.

So here are a few of the jokes that we came up with...ok he did...i just laughed and snorted like a pig. I found them really funny...and in reality this is the only reason i wrote this entry. =P

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TAKING A WOMAN TO BED

What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58. 68, and 78 ?

At 8�"You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18�"You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28�"You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38�"She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48�"She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58�"You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68�"If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!

At 78�"What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???
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and here is the one that wins the prize...at least for me...haha
enjoy…
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A man and his wife go on vacation to jerusalem. While on vacation the wife passes away. the undertaker tells the man, “ you can ship her home for $5000 or you can bury her here in the holy land for $150. the old man thinks a while and says “I’ll take her home” the undertaker asks him why would he rather take her home for 5 grand than bury her there. the old man says,
” long ago a man died here and was buried. After three days he rose again. I just can’t take that chance”
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well, so that’s how we ended our conversation...off he went “to search for the mythical Cleeehh-toh-reees” (this line is funny if you’ve seen FORGETTING SARAH FERGUSON)...aka try to convince his better half to make him a better man...at least for 2 minutes! But my guess is that he didn’t get the 2 minutes...just a slap on the face and an his marching orders to go to sleep!

haha...times like these are when i realize how good it is to be single! ok...well, i am the sucker going to bed alone but at least i am not getting smacked and told to go to work and make some money! haha...so much pressure!

ok...Cheerio!
Till next time...sorry you wasted the last 5 minutes on this shite!

DISCLAIMER: these musings are just plainly random thoughts written down while under the influence of coke...way too much coke...maybe i should listen to my mother and stop drinking so much soda...but then again...i stopped listening to her 20 yrs ago...just to spite her!
J-tootie says:
LOL
Posted on: Jul 20, 2010
mikevirgo0824 says:
I LOVE COKE (COCA COLA-lest I be reported to the authorities) TOO! :-)
Posted on: Aug 12, 2008
crosscountrycheryl says:
Max

You crack me up!! Always my pleasure reading anything from you.
Posted on: May 22, 2008
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Women are Evil PROOF
Women are Evil PROOF
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