Clark Travel Blog› entry 7 of 10 › view all entries
So I woke up today a little bit earlier than usual. I found my self sitting on the front porch watching the most amazing rain storm I have seen in a long time. Lightening was flashing and thunder was booming. The air was electric with energy. I sat there pretty pensive thinking about home and the work I am doing. For a while mapping out the last year in respect and plotting out the following to come. I am not sure if it's part of being away from familiarity for a while that allows you to take more time to look within for some momentary introspection. I guess I can't explain it. Today during the storm I felt like I was given permission. Permission to look at myself from some alternate point of view. It was rather disturbing. I mean really to step outside of yourself, see yourself sitting there. Starting to wrinkle from age begining to take on a newer form of an older person. I felt like at this point in my life I should be much more enlightened than I am right now. Like Since I have a couple of grey hairs I should know the secrets to life and be sitting on top of a mountain telling sojourning travelers the way to a happy life. Then they would rub my belly like I was the pilsbury dough boy and walk away happy. Truth be told though, I am not sure I know anymore about life or myself today then when I was 18. I am a dad, a proud dad I might add, and I still love to be out in the middle of the woods doing stupid stuff. I have this inner voice that tells me to scale mountains without harnesses or hop on a horse and go into a full gallop in the middle of a meadow without having ever ridden. You know that voice that tells you to pour a ton of lighter fluid on a raging fire. Yeah, I love that voice apparently, it's my best friend. I don't think I should be doing that stuff anymore. I mean I am a dad, I am older. I look at other people my age and they all seem so satisfied. I wondered at why I'm not ever satisfied with where I am or what I am doing.
I don't know. I think I would probably be pretty boring if I wasn't such a nut. I mean what would life be if you never wanted to do something crazy? I'm not sure I would want to know me. I think if I met the alternate me I would want to punch him for being such a boring person. Not that I often want to punch boring people, it doesn't happen that much. It's just that they sit there, looking so boring and you just want to take them out. Or maybe that's just me. Plus if I wasn't like I am I don't think I could relate to my kids that well. I take my kids on long hikes, we play guitar and listen to metal. They read everything I have read, so at 3 and 4 they have been exposed to Thoreau, Keroak, Robbins, CS Lewis(not the Chronicles of Narnia the real Lewis). My daughter knows differences in music types from blues and jazz to hard core, metal and punk and she can tell you which is which. Both my kids also know how to hard core dance-my daughter actually likes it though.
Wew that was an off shoot of thought
So back to the porch I guess. I may not have a belly that everyone wants to climb a mountain to rub. Maybe I am greatful, I mean what if I'm tickelish there, that would be awkward. Laughing everytime someone came to visist. Anyway, I may not be that but I think to my family, the person I am works. For all my kwirks for all my shortcomings I think it works for now. I am still growing and learning. I am still becoming whatever it is that I will be when I grow up. When I finaly grow into the gray on my head. Maybe by that time I won't have any gray though. hm, that would suck cause with the bald head and big belly, people really will want to rub and then what? So. Yeah. It's interesting what you think about while your away from a lot of familiar distractions. Oh and by the way-I somehow ended up eating Ox stomach today. I almost lost it. Just a side note.