Brazil II - Summer 2007

Still the same rio 6 years later. Actually photos from 2002, but oh well.

Dear members of the NRA,

It all started with a delay in miami beach and an imbecile that lost his ATM card a few days before.

So far the trip has been accompanied by some lost luggage, Copacabana beach, the interesting neighborhood of Barra in Rio de Janeiro, the far more interesting favella/neighborhood of Rocinha in Rio de Janeiro, a pork and beans contraption known as feijoajada, street parties in neighborhood of Lapa, almost moneyless cuz everybody hated travelers checks, a hippie fair in Ipanema...It sucked :), a dude that snored like some vile beast on life support, the famous Guanabarra Pizzeria (not to great), lots of Guarana (Great!), a hotel that makes up for overcrowding and late night escapades, a tour of a favella/shantytown, a beach in Barra, a reporter from a big newspaper named Juli, meeting a friend of a friend from Chicago by pure coincidence (insert small world quote here) tapioca, acai, hanging out in the neighborhood of Botafogo (not to be confused with Joey Buttafucko), an Native Indian museum, long bus rides to Barra, a terrible museum on Rio, a street party in the plaza de Santos Dumont, boat and beach tours, a Brazilian rapper named Gabriel O Pensador, a party full of .

The legendary Gracie Barra Academy.

An international writers convention (FLIP), a power failure in Paraty.  Speakers on Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Macondo, a comparison of the favellas of Rio by the writer of City of God to the life of a child soldier named Ishmael Beah from Sierra Leone (note, you all will soon receive my manifesto on blood diamonds...beware, hahahaha), a power failure in Paraty, I want out with some Australians to an Irish bar and met a Brazilian chick...weird,

 and Moqueca do peixe (a fish stew).

A nice town near Salvador called Cachoiera, good shrimp roll things called açarje, a cigar factory, a wood carving museum, a great family headed by Jorge and his kids, an old jail, the boa morte ladies, another boat tour, a cool Spaniard that traveled almost all of Latin America, a waterfall, a samba party, no banks and maybe no money again, and last but not least, a Condoble´party.

Actually photos from 2002, but oh well.

This journal has taken along time for me to write, and I was trying to figure out why.  I think that I have come up with the answer.  I have been comparing this trip to Brazil with my last two summer adventures to Mexico /commie island and Mexico/Guatemala.  In my opinion, this trip can not compare with the greatness of the last two listed travels.   I can hear you now, "listen to this asshole, he spends a month in Brazil and complains about it!"  Before you write me off, yes, overall it has been fun and a good time.  However, let me give you the reasons as to why it can not hang with the land of the burrito, tequila, chivas, and the dreaded chupacabra. 

Reason #1 - Language

Obviously in Brazil they speak Portuguese, and I speak English and Spanish.  Spanish is very similar to Portuguese, aside from some pronunciation factors.  I thought that I would pick Portuguese up, but lord have mercy, was I wrong.  Because more Brazilians actually speak English than Spanish, there would be a strange mixture of the three languages, blended together where we both sounded like a bunch of dumbasses.   By the later portion of the trip`, I had learned more about Portuguese pronunciation and could get by much better (some people even said that I spoke good Portuguese, but I think that they were full of shit).  I can not figure out why more Brazilians speak English, as they are surrounded by Spanish speaking countries, and if you read the two languages they are almost the same.  Back to the main focus of reason #1, I speak Mexican Spanish, and because of that enjoyed a much grander freedom of communication and comprehension of the culture that I have been unable to attain here.  So as the rock band Molotov says, "viva Mexico cavrones!"

Reason #2 - My historical nerdness

Brazil lacks a lot of the Pre-Columbian history that Mexico and Guatemala have.  In Cuba I wanted to see Communism with my own eyes.  Brazil never really had a big purpose for me aside from the Amazon River.  I had already been here before, and seen much of the colonial history, which is already very similar to that of its Spanish speaking neighbors.

Those two reasons have led to a trip that has been good, but as I said before, it can not hang with my other summer adventures.  Who knows, maybe I am just getting too used to this backpacking thing and am acting spoiled.  However, one of the purposes of these emails is to inspire you all to travel more, and I do make sacrifices to backpack every summer.  There actually is an easy formula to follow if you really want to travel, but are stuck in that dreaded 9 to 5 with a very limited vacation.  If you want the formula, email me. 

So back to the point, the greatest thing that I have come to appreciate about Brazil is the culture!  Throw some Portuguese, Italian, Spanish, and Germans in a pot, mix them with a bunch of western Africans based on the likes of the Angola and Yoruba, and throw in a dash of native Indians from the northern Amazon region.  You mix it all together, and you have a tasty Brazilian stew.  Brazilians are very mixed, and have combined the European, African, and Indian backgrounds into a fun loving and unique culture.  Everybody loves to play music and dance (African), hang out at cafes/bars (European), and party (Everywhere).  Ok, now for the fun stuff.

The culture is great in terms of dress.  Shorts, gym shoes, and sandals are pretty much OK all of the time.  The Brazilians have an interesting taste in T-shirts.  Have you ever seen those shirts with way too much shit on them?  Weird designs on the front, back, side, neck, bottom, or even armpit areas of the shirt.  Well, I am convinced that this trend started in Brazil.  I consistently see shirts with race cars, dragons, surfboards, beaches, designs on the front, back, or side of the shirt.  What kind of thirty year old would wear a shirt with a race car and all this other shit on it out to a popular place on a Saturday night?  These are not retro, as is the trend in the USA.  Weird.

As for the women - A Borat says, "Is Nice," as it is bikini and skimpy clothing all of the time.  Everybody wears a bikini to the beach, short, fat, skinny, model, non model, 3 year olds to 75 year olds.  I did not partake in the male practice of rocking the speedo.

I have great news sports fans.  I was talking to some Australians and they told me that Australia might have passed up the USA as the most obese country per capita on the planet.  I have never felt so proud to be an American.  Brazilians are very patriotic.  Despite the fact that they face poverty and corruption on a daily basis, they are so proud of the country and their culture.  It is common to see all sorts of people walking the streets displaying their shirts with the Brazilian flag.  When I think about "patriotic Americans," the picture that appears in my head is some obese,  goatee having, rayban sunglass wearing, white dude from Tinley Park that is rocking an anti immigration shirt with old glory pictured across his chest.  Back to the obesity thing, It is very easy to eat healthy here.  Rice and beans are everywhere for cheap, and there are juice stores every two blocks.  The coolest juice places are near the Amazon, as they have all these names of these weird fruits, and I don’t know what the fuck they are.  This Brazilian health inspector that I met scared me when he said Acai has been having a problem with a parasite that attacks the heart.  SSSSSSHHHHHHHIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!  I stopped eating that, but he told me if it is frozen, that parasite is killed, praise Jesus.

The Brazilian women are beautiful.  I think the mix makes them tops in the world.  As in other Latin American countries, they all love to make out in public in front of everybody.  Here is the interesting advice that I received from many foreigners that have lived in Brazil for years.  When you meet a Brazilian girl, you must make a blatant move in the first 15 minutes, or they will think that you are married or gay.  If it fails, just move to the next one and nobody cares.  Obviously a different culture than that of the USA.  There was an English guy that has lived in Brazil for like 6 years or something, he is a black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu that works at the academy that I went to.  He teaches english in order to make money on the side.  He was trying to explain to his advanced class the english word "sleazy."  He went on to describe a guy that hits on all of the girls and tries to kiss them and such right away.  The response from the class was that that is how everybody in Brazil is....Sleazy.  So the Professor had to put the setting in darker circumstances involving a strip club and such for the class to understand.  As on outsider looking in, it is easy to view Brazilian culture as "sleazy" with the "mating rituals" and the constant dress that emphasizes the women’s breasts.  But that is their culture, and that is probably part of the reason that they are so patriotic and love their country.  It can be quite fun. 

On all of my other trips to South America, I have encountered tons of Israelis.  This time I have not met one.  Anybody know why?

It is ok to drive around Brazil with headlights that barely work.  In Rio, they try to run you over, and you can barely notice that there is a car coming at you at night, as the headlights are similar to those that you put on your Christmas tree.

I did lots of Brazilian JIi Jitsu, as it all started in Rio de Janeiro.  It was cool to come to the Mecca of the sport.  I worked out at academy that is internationally known.  I squared off against  the English, Australian, Irish, Spanish, Mexican, fellow Americans, and finally, some Brazilians.  I did quite well and had fun doing that for about two weeks in Rio.  Later, I realized that on one occasion, I faced a world champion (Jefferson Moura).  He gave me the worst ass kicking of my life.  Trust me, I have received plenty of ass kickings in my life, and this guy takes the cake, and almost broke my teeth.  But he was a nice guy :)

I had the pleasure to be down here as the Copa America was going on.  For those who are not in the know, it is the soccer championship for South America and is held once every four years.  Obviously, Brazil is very good at soccer, however you should hear the people bitch and moan about their team. "This team sucks," "look at how they play," or "they are just lucky" are some of the more consistent quotes that I heard.  They do not know how good they have it.  They play with such a fun and attacking style, that even if they are not scoring, they are still fun to watch.  If the Brazilians wanted to watch a bad team, they could of watched the USA lose all three of their matches.  Robinho scored a hat trick versus Chile, which I believe means that he outscored the entire US national team.  The sad part is that the US team just won the gold cup about a month before in order to become one of the two central/north American teams to enter the copa America.  The team that we beat in the gold cup finals, Mexico, advanced to the semifinals.  Way to choke when it counts US national team.    So, getting back to the Brazilians bitching about their national team - I was at a small neighborhood bar/cafe in Copacabana.  Brazil was playing Uruguay in the semifinals, and one man, out of disgust, kept saying the team was playing like shit and were going to lose.  A more patriotic Brazilian at the bar told him that because he does not have faith in his team, he has no right to wear his Brazilian soccer jersey.  A bet was made, if Brazil won, the patriot got to keep the other mans jersey, and if Brazil lost, the now shirtless man would get his shirt back and possibly money.  Brazil is winning 2-1, when in the last 10 minutes, Uruguay ties it up.  The shirtless man is going nuts, as he is now cheering for Uruguay, and the Brazilians sink their heads down in shame.  The game goes into overtime which means a penalty shootout.  Brazil has the advantage, but chokes...it goes into double overtime.  one shooter a piece per round.  The Brazilians look up and see who it is that is going to shoot for their beloved country, and they all turn a way in disgust, as they say ohh no, Shaquille O´Neal is shooting free throws with the game on the line.  As they predict, the guy misses, the shirtless man is going nuts and rubbing his hands together with greedy pleasure saying "I told you so."  All Uruguay has to do is make the penalty and they are in the finals.  The Uruguayan shoots and.....................................................................................................................................misses! Suddenly the crowd is back in it.  Brazil pulls off the victory, the patriot is dancing around and kissing the Brazilian logo in his newly won shirt.   Everyone’s attitude is "Yeah, our team sucks and is playing like shit, but now we are in the finals."  Later in the week I am entering the bus station about to embark on a 23 hour bus from Salvador to Fortaleza, when I hear a giant cheer from everywhere.  Brazil just scored another goal in their 3-0 victory over Argentina to win the copa America.  Argentina was slightly favored in that match in the finals.  To bad for them, it will be festive bus!

Now that I have my focus, I will send out part two, and perhaps part three in the next few weeks.  Upcoming in the next episode will be an analysis of a favela, tales of the religion of condoblê, Dune buggies, beach towns, the Amazon River, Los Angeles, and last but not least, Vegas baby, Vegas!

Until next time, peace and hairgrease.

Tony

PS  I advise you to go to wikipedia or youtube in order to look some of these people, places, and things up.