Another snowy day

Samoens Travel Blog

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Flanks, Check!

For those of you that are new to my world and my scribblings let me 1st say hi. Hi!. For those of you that have read before and would like to continue hi! For the stalkers amongst you. The people who seem to follow me where ever I go, who I am unable to detach myself from regardless of how far I travel and under whatever guise I adopt, 'leave me alone!'. No hi!

After the untimely demise of my previous blog site which had served me well over the years through NZ, Fiji, LA, France, Europe etc this has been sold to me as the new improved one. We shall see.

I do have to say its good to be back. Thats back in the sense of writing not back in the UK where the weather is grey and the chips are fat and greasy. Mmmm fat greasy chips, I miss you.

Lip, Check!
Lots has happened since I left you sometime in February. Theres the break, the visitors, the weather, the boarding, the riding, the future, all manner of strange and quirky things.

Lets start with the big event (for me) of the season.

The Break - It was a great day to board really. Good friends (hi Dave & Taz, yes I include you both in the stalker category), snow was a little icy, blistering sunshine and I was roaring. My riding resembled what a lion would look like if you dressed him in thermals and sent him out on the piste. RRRRrooooaaarrrrr. Super speedy, super confident, not an ounce of style but I didnt care. I was a lion and a quick one at that. The piste behind me was melting such was my speed. French veterans were standing and marvelling at this feline oddity who was dancing down the ice with such grace, right arm stretched out behind him in a tail like fashion to add that extra balance and to keep myself in the most streamlined position available.

Landing gear & sphincter, CHECK & CHECK!!!
Thats the problem with skiers. They face the front and create a large obstacle that has to be propeeled through the air. Boarders face sideways and thus minimise drag and general air resistance and today the air did not resist me. It opened its arms and beckoned me forwards. The horizon beckoning me to join her as quickly as possible before the setting sun took her away from me. A lion riding an scud missile! That was I.

All was good right upto the last run. Its ALWAYS the last run. Its was Grahams last run in the summer, It was Big Macs last run on the Col De Joux Plan. If there is a lesson I could instill on anyone it would be 'do not do the last run!'. You see not only was I roaring down the slopes I was also flying like an eagle. All the kickers (jumps) I had hit all day had been sweet and smooth.

Wind windows up, wind windows down again
As I approached I would check to my sides for wayward infants (no point in injuring civilians in military type matters) then check forward for the lip to ensure it was crisp and clear and then and only then would I check to ensure the landing site was upto the job of taking a roaring, flying, lion eagle landing. As I approached what looked like a rather daring kicker I started my pre flight checks. No kids, check. Flanks clear, check. Lip, clear but rather high and icy.... The lion in me is in doubt but the eagle is gunning for big air. He has no fear of flying but the lion is happier on the ground. Its touch and go for a second and there is an almighty battle within me. Lion verses Eagle. Unfortunatley for the eagle he blinked and missed his opportunity and the lion had his way. At the very last second we veared away from the large kicker in favour of what can only be described as its kid brother. Not just a kid brother but its 6 years younger, asthmatic, weak kid brother whos been bullyed at school for years and now seeks revenge on the lion that made him eat dirt. Quick pre flight check. Kids, check. Sides, check. Lip, check. Landing site, pretty icy but I am a lion so check. When you leave the lip of anything, be it a small weasy kicker in the French Alps or the lip of an airplane as you attempt free fall nirvana, there is a silence. A certain silence that can only be had when the body is no longer of this earth. You are no longer ruled by such impunative forces as gravity. You are, if for only the briefest of seconds, a God. A swooping, roaring, Eagle Lion God that has the power supreme. Silence........

Within that second you have to do your landing checks aswell which are not quite as thorough as the pre takeoff due to the fact that you are coming down, regardless of who or whats in the way. The only thing you can do is check your landing gear is down and your sphincter is in the brace position. Check and check!! TOUCHDOWN!!!! All went well. Thanks for flying Air Lion Eagle please disembark from the.......

Thats when it happened. I had landed. Me the Lion and the Eagle. Together in almost perfect harmony. What we forgot was to put the landing gear into the carve postion after landing. We were too busy accepting the roar and gratitude of the crowds, The thanks from anxious parents for not destroying their young. Heel edge. For the boarders out there, you know exaclty what I am talking about. For the non boarders imagine running backwards as fast as you can down a slope. Eventually your body will outrun your legs and the next closest part of your body will meet the ground very quickly and very hard. Its normally your coccyx. If you hit that hard enough you can get an instant headache and whiplash without too many difficulties. So there I am starting to fly backwards down an icy slope. The lion in me trying to be feline and not land on his arse. Cats dont land on their arses do they. So my tail is flailing aroud trying to turn myself with little joy. The eagle in me had flown. It could see the impending doom that was about to transpire and bailed out. His last comment was that we should have been daring and soared rather than roared but what did he know. Me and the lion were gonna survive this. It was my tail/arm that hit the ice first. With such force that it blew my titanium watch strap off. There was no enormous crack, no blinding pain, no life flashing before my eyes just a sick feeling of something in Dave world no longer being correct and a chronic feeling of nausea.

After looking down at my now limp tail it was obvious from the shape that it needed a little TLC and some bed rest and maybe some screws and morphine. Lots of morphine. The lion in me was now a pussycat with a busted tail. He looked like a wet cat. No longer all proud just disgusted in himself.

And thats how I did it. Me and the lion spread out on the ice like some weird sort of crying sand/ice sculptor. The eagle sitting in the tree laughing at our inability to fly, well not fly but land.

As I have now had my wings clipped and am not supposed to be doing anything for a while I will try and write some more about the friends we have had out etc....

I will also post some photos.

Hope you enjoyed. Tune in next week for....... who knows.

Dave

 

chrisie6 says:

RAP FOR DAVE
Listen David to your mother
A first for you or your brother
Peter Pan I know your not
(Unless your drunk or been on pot)
Dont care if you do things real wappy
just keep it safe and be real happy
Posted on: Apr 10, 2008
yadilitta says:
wow! this is a great blog!! a film version sounds nice, hahaha
Posted on: Apr 10, 2008
Davethebike says:
Hi Lion Bird Man Boy ... whatever but you will always be the sixt million dollar man to me !! its sooo good to read your blog again, keep them coming.. how is the wrist, how is Debs and whats happening .. are you stayng out in france, are you coming home.. can Debs talk french like a french man and have you used all the condoms ?? My Lion Boy says is there a bit of hero worship going on here, hes the oly lion boy bloke sort of chap he thinks qualifies for that name... but i have to say its a bit too cold over here for a shit in the grass at the moment .. say a big hi to debs and we will skype you when dave gets some more headphones.. he broke his others (hes soooo clumsy) we will be tuning in next week so get that keyboard greased up .. love to you both ... the stalkers xx alias Dave and Taz ps. anyone reading this you should know that Dave went from a roaring lion to a baby kitten crying for his mummy - Dave told me to put that !! xxxxx
Posted on: Apr 08, 2008
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Flanks, Check!
Flanks, Check!
Lip, Check!
Lip, Check!
Landing gear & sphincter, CHECK & …
Landing gear & sphincter, CHECK &…
Wind windows up, wind windows down…
Wind windows up, wind windows dow…
Samoens
photo by: duffelcoat