Epilogue - Back Home

Item

Same Same

But Different

Napkin

A usually square piece of cloth or tissue paper used at mealtimes to protect clothes and wipe the mouth.

Rolls of toilet paper on the table in a “Hello Kitty” type of holder.

Bathroom trash basket

A small container into which people can throw trash, especially paper.

A small container into which people throw trash, especially used toilet paper.

Garden hose

A flexible tube or pipe, often made of rubber or plastic, through which fluids such as water or gasoline can flow.

A hose with a dishwashing type spray attachment on the end next to the toilet, not to be used for dishwashing…

Utensils

A tool or container, especially one used in a kitchen.

Now you’re probably thinking I am going to mention something about chop sticks, nope.  We were mostly given a tablespoon and fork, hum, now those big pieces of pork curry that was just served to me: stab and hold with fork and pull apart with spoon or hold with spoon and pull with fork??

Bed

A piece of furniture on which to sleep, usually consisting of a rectangular frame with a mattress on top.

A rock hard, flattish platform on which lies a lumpy and uncomfortable pad type thing that will result in a poor night’s sleep in most cases.

Pillows

A soft support for the head in bed, in the form of a sealed fabric bag stuffed with feathers or a synthetic filling.

A very thick, lumpy, hard roundish fabric bag stuffed so thickly with unknown materials that your chin will be stuck to your chest if you choose to use it.

Pleasant Aromas

A smell, especially a pleasant smell such as the cinnamon smelling buns at Cinnabon.

The scent of fermenting, ground up fish.

Buses

A long motor vehicle with many seats, usually divided by a central aisle. Customers are assigned a seat which often reclines.

A small, cramped pickup truck with wooden planks functioning as seats in the cab meant for transporting man and his essentials (huge bags of rice, chickens, car parts, etc.)

Scooters

A two-wheeled road vehicle powered by an engine, generally meant to carry a single person.

A two-wheeled road vehicle powered by an overworked, underpowered engine designed to carry a minimum of three persons (women sitting side-saddle), a 100 pound bag of rice and a farm animal.

Laundry Machine

An appliance used for washing, that spins clean hot or cold water with clothes and soap.

A petite, middle-aged woman who beat’s the crap out of clothes on the banks of a muddy river.

Toll Booth

A booth on a road or bridge where tolls for use of the road or bridge are collected.

Myanmar - A small hut on the side of the road with a large bamboo pole blocking the way until the driver throws small, crumpled up bills at the child manning the booth.

Gas Station

A place at which drivers can buy fuel, oil, and other motoring supplies, and sometimes also have car repairs done.

Myanmar ��" A place at which you can buy two gallons of gas per day delivered with a plastic jug and funnel.  In case you want more gas, go to the black market vendors who store their precious gas in old soda bottles.

Rest Stop

A break in a journey for the use of a public restroom or for refreshment.

The side of the road where men (and often women) discreetly squat in lieu of using a non-existent public restroom.

12 MPH

The speed at which the world’s fastest marathon runners race.

The average speed when driving through flooded Myanmar.

65 MPH

The usual speed limit in America.

Only applicable for buses or airplanes in Asia and only when on a mountainous, hair-pin, unpaved road with a lunatic driver.

Private Bedroom

A room that has a bed in it and is used mainly for sleeping of a single individual or married couple.

An old sarong dividing the single room house into “private” sleeping areas where presumably, couples can share semi-private intimate moments.

Travel Gear

A fabric bag meant for carrying belongings or supplies whilst traveling.

A huge bag of rice and at least one chicken, pig or goat, often thrown in the back of the bus with the other passengers.

Shoes

An outer covering for the foot, usually made of leather, fabric, or plastic, with a stiff sole and usually not reaching above the ankle to keep the foot clean.

Something you must remove at every house and temple so that you may enjoy the grimy feel of dirt, bat guano and pigeon droppings on your bare feet.

Hot Water

A warm liquid in which to bathe.

A liquid, sometimes room temperature, sometimes scalding that dribbles (usually when warm or hot) and or blasts (usually when ice cold or scalding) out of a questionable showerhead.

Harvest

A crop that is gathered or ripens and is packaged during a particular season.

Rice that is laid along the side of the road such that the cars and buses can participate in the hulling process.

Salesman

A person who sells goods or services, either in a store or by contacting potential customers within a particular area.

A person, usually a small child, who sells goods or services by pestering, whining and cajoling the prospect into buying a postcard, noise making device or black market book.

Market

A store selling food and other household goods.

A store selling frogs, wasp larvae, crickets, water beetles, opium weights, $1 DVDs and other household goods at rock bottom prices.

Traffic Light

A signal that uses red, green, and amber lights to control traffic, especially at an intersection.

Rarely seen, a signal that may or may not use red, green, and amber lights, often non-functional as a suggestion to drivers, bicyclists, rickshaw drivers and other vehicles.