after spending almost a month in the city i'm finding myself feeling extremely out of place. I've been away from site so long i feel like it's no longer home. But neither is the city. My situation is a bit different from most travelers, but i can still see the loneliness and lack of grounding things in your life that make it difficult. I want to be able to go HOME. But where is that? I really don't know.
Even the states seem foreign. It's been so long since i've been there. I completely dissasembled my life when i left, which leaves me with nothing to come back to. Yes, I have the mate bar, but thats my mothers gig now. I may still be part owner, but i don't feel like it. which is what i wanted, I think.
Ah well, i got what i wanted...right? That's the thing, i didn't. I got something better. I got a challenge that i would never have put upon myself willingly. I got something that has taught me (and teaches me) more about mysdelf, the world, and life than i could imagine.
But it sucks...Sometimes, when i don't love it..
Please excuse my english, it has really gone downhill since my being here. I now sometimes think and dream in Sarramaccan.
My village, the people in my village, are very good people. Some of the best i've ever known. But i find myself not wanting to engage them like most other volunteers. I find myself wanting to withdraw. i like to work, i like to be productive. In everything i do, i like a result, something i can walk away with. Well my companions up river don't seem to have that same outlook. which makes it difficult. I have an extremely hard time talking about the weather and what i cooked today. But i am learning more patience. I'm learning the benefits of enjoying doing very little. i'm afraid to tell you (especially those of you that are forced to be in my company) when i come home i may ask you what you will cook and if you think it will rain...I apologize in advance.
OH, i guess i should talk about the superbowl. I spent the day at one of the touristy hotel pools with some other volunteers.(one of them has a membership), then at about 5pm we headed over to one of the U.S. embassy staff parties. The game started at eight here, so we were up quite late already when we decided to head out to the bar. I played some pool and caught a cab back "home". good day all in all. I'm glad the Giants upset the Pats, I can't help rooting for the underdog.
I think this is the longest blog i've ever written!
I will see you all in a year and 6 months!
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