random, not even relevant to travel - free thought about reading

New York Travel Blog

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I remember back in the day when I used to read for fun.  I think it was either doing that or playing video games.  Both equally grew my imagination... one completely relying on words to paint a vivid picture, the other depending on cheap special effects to imagine the life of another world or commanding an army or shooting a lot of terrorists.  Games teach our children so much... lol.  The essentials to childhood.. entertainment.. free flow of information.. free flow of imagination.  I think I spent more time day dreaming and it made me much happier.  Now it seems like everyday is just to get things done for the next. Even when I dont have that many things to do, I don't feel productive without giving myself some type of goal for the day.  It's like I've already lived such a horrendous life of routine and busy work, that anything but doing something seems like wasted time. 

It's odd because I am a firm believer that the time I enjoy wasting is not wasted time.  I'm sure I could make up a bunch of BS reasons why video games can be useful in a child's development.  Especially nowadays the strategy games are more specific to detail and the idea of an online community opens the player to at least not become antisocial like many of the offspring of the games from our generation... a shame... actually now it's better because more people are playing video games that extend to different activities like bowling.. the revolution of making a similar bowling movement yet not even close to how bowling works.  Or tennis without the running around... baseball without the throwing of the ball.. It's funny how much of these activities are free as long as you have the place to do them.. I guess you also need a large amount of people to play.. and you have to be at least a little good at it.  It would just be a little sad if the next generation of athletes completely ignore physical strength and turn into timing and the way you angle the wiimote when you swing.  Hopefully this poison does not cripple our new generation.  Sports will probably stay the same though.. it's not as if the little kids who have the systems just stay in there houses.. basements.. dens.. doing nothing but eat tostidos with salsa and play guitar hero.. ehem.. not a big deal.. heh..

for some reason I picture a commercial in my mind where there are empty streets with bouncing balls and left out baseball gloves .. empty basketball courts and perfectly groomed football fields.. then it fades to a huge lcd screen playing all of these sports.  Even the pro sports players rather mash buttons on xboxlive or ps3 online.. I mean the community aspect is increasing, but what about the health concerns? I'm really not one to talk about it since I don't see myself going outside to run for a ball.. not that those are my sports anyway.. maybe a disc or a ping pong ball, but probably not a basketball or football. 

It's just the idea that gaming community is gaining in size while the outdoors club becomes diminished.. there are so many joys of the outdoors and yes, even reading, that becomes darkened by the scary gaming console shadow.  I doubt I've grown out of this stage... I find myself pretending to play drum beats, strum guitar rifts, and sing badass rock songs while imagining a crowd of opened cell phones lighting a stadium... all cheering my name .. girls taking off their shirts for me and guys giving me the devil horns.. maybe some moshpits forming and some crowd surfers... and as I shriek my last note the crowd would catch me and lift me around.. I'd probably feel a few hands grab my ass and caress my body, but so is the life of a rocker... wait.. what was I talking about again?

So we all have dreams and aspirations... mine don't necessarily include becoming a rocker, but it's fun imagining the scene.. right.. so what about this reading thing that I brought up as the title and completely ignored in the entire entry... reading for leisure has just been replaced by so many other things.. I see my brother listening to audio books and multitasking instead of reading through a book and enjoying it with your own voices for the characters.. It's like watching a really intense movie.. I've always found the book better, unless the director is fan-freakin'tastic.  I doubt it though.. My mind is pretty crazy with combining all of the movie special effects I've seen to make into a specific scene.  I guess the movie is nice to have a few special effects and hot girls in the midst.. it's nice to picture the naked scene and then actually see it, but the entire idea of reflecting on the narration just gives me a different feeling.  If they really did make a book into a movie with all of the details, it would probably last 5 hours. 

To capture the action and significance of the narration is much more powerful when explained.. It's all covered and taken for granted of when you just see this one person doing an action.  besides.. I control my own reading speed.. sometimes I reread certain exciting parts right away to get different perspectives of it.. it's my own movie and I can make any camera angle I want.  I could redirect it as I go along and I don't think any director will get it to the point that makes my own heart sink or stomach curl.. I know myself best so I know how to please my specific senses.. Just close your eyes and imagine it .. a well developed character dying in the most painful way possible. what would you feel? the type of death and method is all set, but how does it show in your mind? It might not even be the closeup shot or associated sad music playing in the background.. it could be the way you picture her face .. the way you include the flashbacks to other parts of the books.. fading into it the good and bad times in your memories as if this person was actually a part of your life.. you are consumed in this book and it devastates you that it has to end this way. all you can ask is why.. why did it happen like this? and yet you know the answer.. it was built up so well.. so distinct and such a powerful message in the end.. As the story continues with friends describing their feelings.. you still feel your own as if you had been an important character in the book.. a sense of empathy or sympathy flows into your own consciousness.

 it's at this point where I begin to think about how I would have written a part of the story differently.. where can this branch off? what decisions did the author make and what point was trying to be conveyed by this death.. it's never pointless.. it's never for nothing.. in many ways, I know what the speaker for the dead knows.. I only hope  I could be able to tell the other characters in the book about how she died.. console them that it wasn't their fault or yell at them .. my anger seething and wishing for their imminent painful death for all the things that this evil person does.. and the way he still thinks that he's doing the right thing.. how blatantly terrible. .. and so you read on to really sink into the story wishing that the next step of this antagonist is his last.. how could he get away with this and where will justice actually balance.  And in the moment that it happens... because in all books it always will.. you feel this release.. a smirk across your face.. you become the one who had caused his death.. you feel the last thrust across the balcony or sword beheading his sins.. what a powerful image.. a powerful feeling of revenge for the one that had passed a few chapters before.  At this point I put down the book and actually feel like I had been there witnessing it.. then I had been the one doing it.. then I had been the one that was killed... now why would I do that?

What if the book was telling me that I was being this evil person all along and I needed to see it.. to remove it from my own personality .. it's all relevant to me.. I'd eventually pick up the book to see the reactions of the real characters.. a cheer.. maybe a party.. a happy dance of some sort.. I'm sure there's something there that brings it all together in success.. yet there's always that character that grieves.. the one that says.. damn.. that guy didn't deserve death. he really has just been misunderstood.. I really knew who he was and he's been misunderstood completely. Ahah. but I, the reader, knows so much more and I've already made my judgment of this bad man.. this evil guy that has so many parts where he disregards all morals and acts selfishly to achieve his power hungry or somehow destined lifestyle.

... and yet the character always brings up something.. some little nugget of information that makes me regret I ever enjoyed his death.. something that just stabs in my spine for judging too quickly.. but I was so sure.. he was such a bad person yet this new nugget of information changes everything.. maybe he did it for his family.. something he never said before.. it has to be some relationship that makes me pity his death more than smile for its conclusion. I don't completely enjoy it, but I know it was good for me. I know what I learned about myself from it.  The characters all represent a different part of me and I'm glad the moral portion one, but what about my own death.. maybe the part that died gave me the most intriguing personality.. a life without a bit of excitement can't be one that I find useful.. one that I find satisfactory. I just wouldn't be able to follow all the rules if not to achieve some sort of greatness.. or is it completely just a piece of me that tries to justify all of what the evil side did to make a decision.. any decision that changed his course in life.. in another life.. in another story line he could have been the main character... I sigh in this thought.. that I had already suffocated what once could be such an interesting life.. I outgrew it.. I at least had fun while he lived...

~See Lemons Read
sylviandavid says:
I enjoyed this blog and feel the same about reading and books.... one thing vidio games do it (the violent games) they make hurting or killing routine and not upsetting to the player..... it's a goal not an emotion..... I have issues with that.... especially when they act out and they treat their victims like they are in a game... (OK SYLVIA>>> GET OFF THR SOAP BOX AND NO ONE WILL GET HURT....) Sorry... loved your blog! sylvia
Posted on: Mar 02, 2008
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