in which i was rubbish at blending in

Austria Travel Blog

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sat 23 dec - some time in the day

yesterday was all travelling. drove and drove and drove. got to channel tunnel and a mincing french dude informed us that we were late, even tho we weren't. on the other side i bought a french baguette, so vile, i had to later throw it at a hideous german toilet attendant who tried to put me in a bag. then on to the austrian border where my air raid siren phone rang in a hick supermarket full of old men who rushed towards me growling. (don't mention the war)

here now. is pretty yes. all creepy fog, and frozen everything. -13.5c last night. had strange dreams - there was a gnarly old house. faces pressed up at the window. dragged one closer and cut off its finger but the advance was unstoppable. house taken over by goblin folk.
much bad juju and fleeing. trying to phone police. police turned out to be corrupt bastards who hung witnesses up in lines and threatened with them with nasty pointy objects.

today is sunny and cold. i shall find wifi on tuesday, meanwhile i shall continue to ramble unstoppably into this..

found a frozen waterfall last night. was gorgeous it was.

----evening update----

have spent much of the day dodging the kind of looks you'd expect people to direct at the murderer of their entire family. i do have silly hair but you'd think in a ski resort full of people wearing silly hats they'd have seen it all before. i know the difference between curious looks, and filthy looks, and the next Shitbag to shamelessly stare at me is going to get a sudden unexpected finger in the eye.

one of the recent offenders was a bloke in PINK TROUSERS. and his gaggle of floppy haired, comedy goggled euromuppets. a mixture of irritation and paranoia has
finally stopped charging through me, tho i did wonder for a while if someone matching my description was on the run for genocide in the area...
bastards. the resort as evening fell was a horrific parody of centuries bygone, crossed with pulsing neon lights, as hideous tanned skibunnies and their emphacaemic boyfriends lurched about to terrifying dance remixes of german folk tunes, and english europop disasters. think aqua, barbie girl, meets feckenchpöelenwankerybötner.

rant over, i'm going to go and buy a salad, and throw it at the first local that offends me,

tuesday 26th..

have become, along with my dad, obsessed with a small plastic game involving rainbow coloured cars.
. and some plastic sperm shaped cream liqueur dispensers i found in the shop..

last nights dreams were less thankfully a bit less fearsome -- got sent to the land of the undead for a while looking for the answer to a gnarly riddle, where i became some large eyed beastie that prowled around on floating islands.. met some pirates, and canoodled briefly with my old science teacher on a galleon (not right). then back at my house, discovered loads of hideous washing up to do (nothing new there then), and was mobbed by hippies wanting to use my living room as a stencil workshop. fought the heathens, and was then forced to abandon the house anyway when an army of undead flies rose up out of the bin and gave chase.--

in a better mood, i've just got back from a bizarre cafe full of motorised taxidermy.
the window full of motionless rabbits holding playing cards, we ventured in to find stuffed dead animals everywhere. five minutes later a hidden switch was activated and a train of dead squirrels started chuffing along one wall, the hanging stuffed eagle started swooping dangerously above the table, and a stuffed fox swivelled suspiciously on a rock..
and on the bar, was an enormous, taxidermied, bears arse. just the arse. bent over as such. why anyone would choose to remove the lower legs and upper body of the beast they had just murdered, bend it into a suggestive position, and stuff it full of sawdust i can only begin to imagine. the thought disturbed me for a while, that beneath the tail might be a fully operative orifice of some kind..

enough of that. going to find wifi now, so i can unload these letters onto the web.

tomorrow i'm going to slide down mountains in öbergurgle (hah)

wednesday night.

so today i cheated death in a number of inventive ways. after failing to be knocked off a hairpin bend by a suicidal car, dramatically escaping from the salivating jaws of a piste-squisher, and narrowly avoiding a messy end beneath the wheels of a blind bus driver, i almost met death in the face of an entourage of crazed rabid horses that picked up my scent and chased me halfway round the world.

have been wearing a luminous orange royal mail hi vis. top all day. the skiing postman yes.

thursday morning.

arrg. if philip's passed on his hideous cold to me there's going to be trouble. am feeling ever so slightly suspect.

there was an upside down boat in a swamp full of unpleasant looking white stalagmites.
i was sitting on it waiting for a ferry that was three days late. and it came with a clanking and whirring, and huge metal attachments through the mangroves, and i snuck up the oily ropes with much swearing and slipping. and inside the heinous ferry were loads of french people trapped in a shopping centre time loop, endlessly buying chanel and having manicures, with no knowledge of the outside world.

today i'm going to avoid schnee, go schwimmen, and eat küchen.

friday morning..

i remember very little of my dreams last night - largely because i was woken up at half three this morning by an air raid siren.
thinking at first i was either dreaming or going mad, i got up, put on the light, went out on the balcony, and lo.. air raid siren it definately was.
one dumpling owl
they sound so much better in the flesh. this was a really sombre, creepy one..
since no one else here heard it, i'm having some trouble convincing them it was real.
but it WAS dammit. have never been so sure of reality in my life.

i then did my credibility no favours when i tried to pour orange juice into an upside down glass on the table.

last night we went to a terrifying local little restaurant, and because the food turned out to be somewhat questionable, i sculpted most of mine into an owl called Weiner.

will be home late tonight. a flood of pictures will be on here before long. including the owl.. :) has been a bizarre week indeed.
w_clemmons says:
beautiful pictures
Posted on: Mar 03, 2008
webbeachboy says:
Hahahaha Caz-mopolitan we all need much more of this (your 'rantings' dear) but.......will you survive it....?
Posted on: Jan 20, 2008
fishh00k says:
i love how you write and how you don't give a shit
Posted on: Jan 18, 2008
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one dumpling owl
one dumpling owl
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