Conversations people shouldn´t have to have

Jaco Travel Blog

 › entry 18 of 72 › view all entries
Scene:  1 am on a hot Pacific night. The taxis cruise slowly looking for fares, bars shed noise onto the street and mosquitoes buzz in the broiling air.  An Englishman walks unsteadly across the pot-holed pavement made from crumbling concrete. He is aiming for his cabina; searching for sleep. Ahead is a prostitute wearing a "dress" of black stocking material with pink knickers and bra.  She totters extravagantly on high heels, sashsaying her hips in a manner beyond provacative, rather veering towards jocular.  A change in her walk show she has registered an approaching stranger; his increase in speed fails to derail the inevitable.

Prostitute:  "Where you from?" 

Straight away, the Englishman knows his assessment is faulty - this is no woman. The voice is in completely the wrong register and the face has a slight 5 o´clock shadow no amount of foundation will cover.  His lips are too made up.  It is thankful his accommodation and hence escape is merely a minute away.

Englishman: "England."

There is something about him that makes the Englishman think.  He is only really doing his job - there is no reason to be harsh.

Lady Boy: "Ahh, I love Lady Di.  You know her?"
EM: "Not personally, no.  Why do you like Lady Di?"
LB: "She special - all English think she special, no?"
EM: "Not in the sense you mean, no."

There is a pause of two seconds. High heels and sandals make their unique noises on the concrete.

LB: "You want me to suck you?"
EM: "I´m sorry?"
LB: "I will suck you."
EM: "No, thank you."  How English is that response?
LB: "Are you big?"
EM: "Not really, there are bigger."
LB: "Where you go?"
EM: "Home to sleep."
LB: "You in hotel?  I come back and suck you."
EM: "No, really, that won´t be necessary."
LB: "I can.  You like to be sucked?"
EM:" Really, no, thank you for your offer."

It is then that salvation arrives in the shape of the turn off for the Englishman´s accommodation.

EM: "Right oh, this is me, good night."
LB: "OK.  I like big boys."
EM: "Yes, well, good night."  He turns and walks off.
LB: "Good night, big boy," is the retort that is heard from the main street.
twilk76 says:
an article deserving feature if i ever did read one
Posted on: Dec 09, 2009
Higton says:
I would doubt that very much. :D
Posted on: Oct 16, 2006
dougal says:
So when is your shift to the exaulted position of featured blog?
Posted on: Oct 16, 2006
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