An Ode to Scottsdale (Yes, that is sarcastic)

Scottsdale Travel Blog

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Black neck stilts

Scottsdale, how do I describe thee? Let me count the ways.

Scottsdale is like if you gave all the robots from WestWorld nothing to read but Hollywood tabloids and let evolution happen. It's a white trash version of LA, with Cactuses and fountains. People drive hummers and  escalades, and for fancy occasions, they rent stretch hummers and stretch escalades. The downtown is filled with boutiques that sell those "fantasy" paintings of dolphins and "designer" lines of QVC worthy outfits declaring themselves the height of fashion. Stereotypical people you might find in Scottsdale include that douchebag that wants to get into state school so he can join a frat, girls that look like they belong on the Jersey shore, but without the funny accents, and, well, old people playing golf. Scottsdale is like that Super Sweet Sixteen episode where the chick goes to Paris and whines that it's not fashionable because that there are no pink poofy dresses.

Millenium McCormick Ranch Resort
  If Britney Spears were a city, she'd be Scottsdale.

OK, that was harsh. Don't get me wrong, I'm there are some awesome people from Scottsdale, and some awesome places to go. But, there's also a ridiculous amount of pure comedy.

Things I Learned in Arizona

1. "Mexican" food is different in the Southwest: Having spent 5 weeks of my life in Arizona, mostly in Scottsdale, and I would assume there are some good Mexican places there. They just aren't that easy to find. However, it seems like every other restaurant sells crappy to mediocre Mexican food.

Millenium McCormick Ranch Resort
You can't seem to avoid soggy quesadias, bland salsa and funny smelling fish tacos.

2. Roadwork is ubiquitous: Why is there constant roadwork all throughout Arizona? The 179 in Sedona, the 17 north of Phoenix, completely shutting down a section of the 101 in Phoenix, and a bunch of other places too, all on the same day.

3. Taxis in Scottsdale suck: Even the taxi drivers can't drive in Scottsdale. We tried hopping into a cab, only to have the cabbie make a 5 point turn in a parking lot and admit he had no idea where everything was. We jumped out thinking he was an anomaly, jumped into another cab, only to be driven straight to the mall, which was definitely not where we were going. We were then driven around town in circles, all with the meter running.

Millenium McCormick Ranch Resort
The cabbie(who barely spoke English)'s excuse? "I'm not from Scottsdale.... I'm from Phoenix". Riiighhhhht..... Phoenix, Iraq, maybe.

4. Always, always, always buy that stupid extra insurance from the rental company: A) AZ is a "no-fault" state for auto insurance, which basically means it's everyone's fault. If you get hit, you pay, and hope the other party reimburses you. B) People from Scottsdale can't drive. They buy giant cars and don't know how to use them. People tailgate like it's LA or something. C) There's roadwork and cops everywhere. This means traffic stops and starts suddenly a lot. A + B + C = Me getting rear-ended on the freeway in my rental by some dumbass kid driving almost double the speed limit in his daddy's car, then being made to pay for the rental damage. Yah.

radarasu says:
Im glad you enjoy it there. I grew up in Phoenix but the valley as a whole was my stomping ground. I agree that the car rental agency pulled one over on you though. Thats unless the law just recently changed.

As for Mexican food, next time you go be sure to check out Macayo's Depot Cantina in Tempe or Top Shelf. I think they both have great chimichangas. Cheers!!
Posted on: Dec 13, 2007
thenewextrememimi says:
Well, except for getting rear ended, I always have a very good time in Scottsdale, actually. In the I-wouldn't-want-to-live-here kinda way. AZ isn't a no-fault state? Goddamn the Enterprise Car Rental claims department. They totally lied to me to so they could steal my deductable. Still haven't refunded me anything either, because they said they "can't get a hold of the other person's insurance company", who I always get a hold of on, like, the second ring.
Posted on: Dec 13, 2007
radarasu says:
Wow...a little harsh on Scottsdale. Sorry that you had a bummer of a time. Just to let you know though, Arizona is NOT a no fault state.
Posted on: Dec 13, 2007
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Black neck stilts
Black neck stilts
Millenium McCormick Ranch Resort
Millenium McCormick Ranch Resort
Millenium McCormick Ranch Resort
Millenium McCormick Ranch Resort
Millenium McCormick Ranch Resort
Millenium McCormick Ranch Resort
One of Scottsdales many fountains
One of Scottsdale's many fountains
Millenium McCormick Ranch Resort
Millenium McCormick Ranch Resort
Mimi is not taller than a cactus
Mimi is not taller than a cactus
Yaarghhh!
Yaarghhh!
Typical Scottsdale douche
Typical Scottsdale douche
Scottsdale Nightlife & Entertainment review
This place is both awesome and so-bad-it's-awesome. First of all, it has a karaoke section and 2 pool tables in one bar, plus a huge outdoor section w… read entire review
Scottsdale
photo by: Amanda