London Travel Blog

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No, not Gap the shop, I haven't been completely brainwashed by the team of women that I work with... not yet anyway...

I'm talking about gaps as in “Mind the gap”. You know those train announcements along the lines of “Dear bored traveller, you are nearly there, please don't despair of it all and kill yourself, as we don't want to clean you blood out of our nice train. Please mind the gap at the next station - otherwise you'll fall down it into Hell and Satan will have his way with you for the next billion years...”


There is no f*cking gap!!! Call that a gap??? That's more of a crack really... if there wasn't a one millimetre wide crack - hey, i spelt out millimetre instead of writing “1mm”! Aren't I good to you??! You don't deserve it... at least post some comments you lazy sods...


Where was I?


Oh yeah, gaps.


If there was no “gap”, then the train would scrape along the side of the platform, which would make a really horrible noise. Also the train what not enjoy this much, especially if it was Thomas the Tank engine, but he's a whining little prick anyway.


Sometimes, you get the opposite, no “mind the gap” warning is made, but there's a massive gap between you and the platform. Admittedly this was when I tried to get out of the wrong side of the train...


Anyway, while on the train, we had a detailed discussion of the gap issues, and decided the following:


We need a National Railway Station Gap Inspectorate. They can then inspect and measure all gaps, and put them into a detailed gap classification system. Then, they can require that all announcements about gaps are made to a national standard, and are only made by qualified personnel who have passed their “National Gap Safety Announcement Competency Certificate”.


Come on Gordon Brown, you like this kind of initiative - lets get it done!

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This is the story of my actual trip to an actual place! However we won't be talking about that... If you want to read about someone's trips then go to a travel blog website or something!

I will instead be reviewing :

  1. A Lift
  2. An Empty Drawer
  3. A queue
  4. Wembley arena floor
  5. Some lost people
  6. A shower

And last but not least:


   7.    A hotel room light fixture


And, I'm not even going to tell you where I was going or why!


But before that, lets talk about gaps, in part 2 of “Actual Travel Trip!”

240 km (149 miles) traveled
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photo by: ulysses