Back 2 da Roots >> Negombo, Sri Lanka, 2007/2008

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My friend Mira, Me & Fardau

1985

I was born in Colombo, Sri Lanka and adopted by a family from the Netherlands when I was 2 weeks old. My parents Harrie and Ine travelled to Sri Lanka to meet my mother and to take me back home to NL. Since then I have lived here in the south of the Netherlands. I also have a brother who is adopted, he is from the same country but he is not my biological brother. His name is Djuri and he is 20 now. I have a happy life here and I was never very into the whole adoption thing. It wasn’t hard for me to talk about at all and it still isn’t, but I saw friends around me who are also adopted that handled it so differently. They were much more conscious about it and talking and thinking about it more and in different ways than I was. I only thought about it once, on the day I turned 18. I wondered if my biological mother would know I turned 18. But that was most definitely caused by the fact I was very drunk haha. After the Tsunami I did have a time where I felt different because I always knew I wanted to meet my biological family just to let them know it was the right thing to do at that time to give me up for adoption and that I have a great life. So the Tsunami made me feel like I was probably too late by now and it made me think about it more. I went to look at my adoption papers and watched the pictures of the adoption, wich I had done before but not often, just maybe twice before then. I saw the picture of my biological mother and it was so funny to me because at the time of the adoption, she looked exactly like I do now.

 

How it started on a Sunday evening..

Somewhere in June I was surfing on Hyves (wich is a Dutch website, the concept is a little like MySpace) I had a message by a girl named Fardau. The message had some questions. She was asking me if I was adopted and if I was born in Sri Lanka in 1985 in a hospital in Colombo, the capital of Sri Lanka. I told her I was and I wondered what this was about. Fardau replied immediatley so she was online aswell. She told me we would talk more about it on msn. That same evening she told me about her trip to Sri Lanka she had recently made, in search of her biological mother. While she was in the area of the teaplantations a woman came up to her and the man who was helping her with her search. She told her about her own child that she had given away for adoption in 1985 and her name was Devika. The man wrote down her information and Fardau took some pictures and also captured a part of the conversation on film. When she got home she just went to see if there would be a girl matching the description on Hyves and there I was.. Later that evening I had a picture in my e-mail inbox of a woman that could be my biological mother..

 

Later that day..

My parents came home from my grandmother’s birthday and I showed them the picture. At first they said “Im pretty sure it’s not her”.. They had met her before so I thought I would listen to their opinion about it. Then my parents went to sleep and later that night my mother came down from her bedroom to tell me that she did think it was her now she had thought about it more. I didn’t know what to think at that point because I didn’t know if I could trust on her memory to be facts, or that it was because she wanted to see it was her in the picture. Fardau told me she would get in contact with the man who also helped her, because he had written down the name of the woman. She would send me an sms the next morning. I told Robin that if it would eventually be her, I would write a book about it because it would be such an incredible story! I mean how often do you hear about people finding their biological families who don’t even own a phone (!!!) trough a total stranger on the internet that just leaves u a message one day! We were just laughing about it then..

 

When I woke up there was a message on my mobile phone that held a name that matched my adoption papers.. That’s when I started to get a little excited!

 

More info..

In that week I came in contact with Andrew (the man who also helped Fardau with her search) and Nel, a woman from the Netherlands that visits Sri Lanka a lot to do volunteer work there. They helped me to ask “the mother” more questions to find out if she could be the one. I asked things like, what did my adoptive parents look like? Where was I adopted? Other things about the procedure and in the end I asked her what she herself looked like at the time of the adoption. To that came the answer I needed, she told me she was wearing a blue dress with white flowers. This was a fact.. I had seen it in the pictures..

 

Meeting Fardau & her family..

We went all the way to the north of the Netherlands to the province of Friesland to meet Fardau and her family. It was so nice to meet her, she is such a great person and she has done so much for me. I met her family and her boyfriend Marco who she also lives with. They were all very kind. We also watched the film Fardau made while she was in Sri Lanka. When my parents saw the mother on screen they both said they were very sure it was her. I have a dvd with her on it at home now. I have only watched it one more time after that I must say and just to show Robin.

 

DNA  Testing

I asked her (trough Andrew ofcourse) if she would like to participate in a DNA test. Thankfully she did and Nel went with her to the hospital in Colombo and Nel also took pictures for me of the testing. By that time I was also told that my biological mother has 2 sons now, who are my half-brothers. They are 18 and 15 now. The youngest one was also present with the DNA test so I have a picture of him too now. After that I had to give my blood for DNA testing aswell. That was very important to me, I needed that evidence. I went to the doctor who placed some blooddrops on a special paper and then the hospital sent it to the lab in Colombo. On the 7th of October I got the results back wich said that this mother was in fact my biological mother. In an instant I gained a mother and 2 half-brothers! Isn’t life great?!

 

My Upcoming Trip

Ironically I will leave on the day the Tsunami hit to visit Sri Lanka and to meet my biological family. I am going together with my parents.  We will only be there for 8 days. All the flights were full so we couldn’t stay any longer and otherwise it would be much too long wich I didn’t want with school and my parents couldn’t leave their company for much longer so it just wasn’t possible. I want to see a little bit of the area around Negombo (where we will be staying) in the first days. The last 3 or 4 days I want to travel to the area of the teaplantations to meet my family. It’s the best thing to do for me because I want to see more of the country and get used to it and next to that it’s enough for me to spend 3 days or so with them since I don’t know yet what to expect. Will I like it? Will it be emotional for me? I dont think so at this time because I’m not really like that, but I also know you just can’t say anything about things like this in advance. So that’s why I want only a few days to start with. Right now I’m figuring out what to bring for everyone! Gifts for Andrew and Nel ofcourse and for my mother and half-brothers. For my mother I am working on a book with pictures from when I was younger untill now, I think she will like that. I’m also adding pictures of our house, my friends, my family, my school, just the things that are important to me. My mother (Jah the one I have now I mean haha confusing) saw somewhere that a girl who was adopted gave her mother a medaillion with a picture of herself in it, I really like that aswell so I will do that too. Any suggestions are very welcome especially on what I can bring for my brothers!!!??!!

 

I will keep a journal of my trip and place it here later and I will make sure to get some pics on here aswell.

Stevie_Wes says:
A beautiful introduction to your great story my friend. I shall read the journey soon. You deal very honestly and pragmatically in your approach and feelings to the subject of adoption that affected you so much. My mother was not ever really capable of talking on the subject and I gather this is another common reaction to growing up in the knowledge of having been an adoptee. Her story had a happy reunion and conclusion - momentarily anyway - as you know.
Posted on: Sep 17, 2009
RoyScen says:
Im very happy for you. Cheers!
Posted on: Nov 10, 2007
ctjevans says:
wow, that's too cool! not sure if your birth mother & half-brothers have internet access; if they do, I'm sure they'd appreciate your URLs for your TB, MySpace, Hyves, & and any other web pages you have. not only will that give them a great insight to who you are now and a good deal about your past, but they'll also be able to keep up with your life and adventures in the future. once you visit them, you will probably come up with a few ideas for things that you can send send back there after you get home.
Posted on: Nov 10, 2007
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My friend Mira, Me & Fardau
My friend Mira, Me & Fardau
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