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Yet another Mid-Autumn Festival

Beijing Travel Blog

 › entry 9 of 45 › view all entries
Ugh, this just never ends. It is just so hard for me to feel comfortable, or be my lovely self around strangers. It is so frustrating. I guess Otani is right, I AM an introvert. Now I start to hate moving, not necessarily traveling. I hate moving because you just have to adapt to a brand new environment all over again, while traveling only entails the excitement of a new place, not necessarily having to deal with strangers on a regular basis. I really envy those people who can just look so comfortable and crack jokes and talk nonstop when you just meet them for the first time. Actually, I can do that, too, but only the first time. I have big trouble keep that energy and enthusiasm in the second meeting, or the third, or the fourth etc. Ugh. Am I really autistic? Why am I a perfectionist, yet so far from perfection? Shouldn't perfectionist already have a good, if not ALMOST perfect life and they just keep whining? I am whining when I DONT have a satisfactory life. Oh wait, I can't exactly evaluate my own life because apparently I will never be happy with my life, being a perfectionist that I am. Have I always put myself in a difficult situation, that I always put myself WAYYYY out of my own comfort zone? And is it why I am always feeling uncomfortable?
Actually, sometimes, I like my life. Or, maybe, I just compare a lot and there are always something which I am not as good.
I love how I can just ramble and ramble and wonder who will actually read this.
Anyways.
Class today. The most boring classes: International law and international political economy. BORING! I can't stand it. I basically just sat in class daydreaming for 90% of the class time, thinking about how everyone looks, occassionally figuring out what all that mandarin means, thinking about the special someone, wondering what I should do after class etc. Then, my last class, Introduction to Public Assets. I should have known that this class is all about the nationalization of corporations, and control economy. I really was not judging Marxism, given that I have only lived in the 2 of the most capitalistic places. It was interesting, REALLY interesting to see that there are people who believe in control economy, or socialism/communism. It is usually either a joke, or taboo, when you hear people claim that they are socialists/communists; ironically, when you hear it here, whoever siad it may actually MEAN IT. The teacher kept telling us to spread socialism and to let other people know about how control economy may actually be more effective and economically efficient than free markets. I am definitely agreeing or disagreeing what he was saying since I do not know enough of either side to make a sound decision. However, what he kept saying just reminded me of misisonary work. It seems like everyone with a belief, be it religious, scientific, social or political, as human beings, we just love to make sure the WHOLE WORLD is on our side. And hence, spreading whatever that we believe to the rest of the world. I am not sure if it is right or wrong, moral or immoral, it is merely a declaration of my discovery about human nature.
Yet another Mid-Autumn Festival, and I am sitting in my room typing, and rambling on, and craving for some food.
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Beijing
photo by: Deats