Welcoming fear again
Xalapa Travel Blog› entry 3 of 8 › view all entries
March 11th, 2007 – by: Ghostboy
As I wrote in my last blog the short time in El Carmen was the beginning of 24 hours of welcoming the experience of fear again. I arrived in Xalapa (also Jalapa), which is the capital of Veracruz, somewhere around 11pm, found a hotel and went to bed. I was happy to be travveling on my own. But this time it was really on my own. The past weeks, Dina had been there somewhere all the time, but now I was really on my own, and to me that was another new step. A step which made me grow, again. The next morning, I started walking to Coatopec. It´s a little village next to Xalapa, and it was a two hour walk. Most people might take a taxi maybe, or a minibus, but I just looooove walking. Watching what´s around me, taking little paths between the trees, walking by the highway like I´ve only seen it in movies.Cars passing by very close, finding a path to walk on sometimes, because I don´t think many people use the way as one to walk. It gives me that wonderful feeling of living my own life at that moment. Walking from one place to another also gives you the opportunity to stop, when you see something that makes you laugh, cry, something that you want to see a little closer. It also gives you the chance of checking things out from different angels. In Coatopec, I sat down at a beautiful Zocalo. It was a small one , but there were so many nice things to see and feel. Many people talking in small groups on benches. Trees and flowers, surrounded by nice colourful buildings. A man, another Carlos but this one was 26, came up to me.We started talking about Mexico, it´s beauty and it´s sadness. We talked for over an hour and it was nice talking to someone I didn´t know before, and talking very open at once. Back again it made me realise how fortunate I am in so many ways to be born and raised in a "wealthy" country as Belgium. People complane everywhere, I think, but to me it´s what the complain is about. You can complaine because your life standard is really below a human level, or you can complane about a lack of even more Luxuary things. It´s up to everyone to see in which category he or she belongs. After talking, he showed me a mural in a building at the Zocalo. It was the life of Benito Juarez, painted on a wall. Not only the painting was a piece of art, also the love that Carlos used to describe everything and show his admiration for Señor Juarez was pure art that touched my soul. Carlos even walked me to my bus, waited with me, gave me even the CD that was in his Diskman and left, without anything else. I only know what he told me about him. No adress, no last name, but a CD and an experience that gives me a nice shiver when I think about it.Somewhere it feels like he was an angel. Being there at that time, coming up to me, make me feel at ease on my first day as a solo traveller. Hé will always stay special to me and have a place in my heart. Thank you Carlos, no mather where you are, I send you a lot of love! From Coatopec I continued my trip to Xico, where I could find "La Cascada de Texolo". People who saw the blogs on my Nepal trip, may remember that I´m crazy about Waterfalls, so I really wanted to see this one. It was hot and the walk from Xico to the waterfall was a beautyful 45 minutes walk in between the bananatrees and the trees with coffeebeans.I thought, if there is ever a bushfire here, would it smell like coffee????? Arriving at the waterfall, it was another special moment in my life. My heart was so open that I could realise that the past 45 minutes where another little life lesson. Sometimes the road is difficult and tough, but many times there is a reward called beauty waiting at the end. A waterfall is not only its sight, it´s at least as much its sound. The power coming out of it...it goes right true my vains. I started walking around the waterfall, coming at points with magicall views over the villages next to the waterfall, and before I knew I ended up in a little town, where they didn´t have a real road of stones, but everything was still just sand. Having the experience from the evening before still a little bit in my nerves, I started to feel a little bit uncomfortable.You see people watching at you, talking to eachother, go into the house, come out again,... At least I saw that, and at such moments I start making my own stories with it, so that´s how it was for me. I entered again the vegetation of bananatrees and coffeebeans. I recovered of my little feeling of fear, and admired the vegetation in all its beauty. The colours, the smell, the quantity, the relation of the colours to the sky, everything was just pure and beautiful. Once I realised that I had entered a forrest, which was like a labyrinth to me. I was right in the middle of it, and had no idea where my way out was. To make my feelings even more mixed up, I realised that the forrest had snakes as its inhabitants, as well as wild dogs.I never really paniked, but I must admit that after asking the road to two men working in the forrest and walking the wrong way again (that language problem again), I started to feel really uncomfortable, because darkness was starting to come. Lucky for me I found the two men again and one of them walked part of the road with me, to show me the hardest part of the road. I ended up ok, ofcourse, and darkness didn´t seem to fall as quickly as I remembered, but the fear was there at that moment. The fear was even bigger than the day before, because of my holy fear for snakes. I must admit that the fear is already less than one year ago: but the tought of being there in the dark, with the snakes coming out from under their trees?????????? Noooooo, thank you! In the evening, back at the hostal, I met another nice and special man.Kirk, travelling around the world, at least untill the next presidential elections in the United States. Why? It´s not up to me to tell you, but he pissed of some important people, and that made him a citizen under surveillance. I know I wouldn´t feel good anymore. Kirk, if you read this, thank you for the nice talk, we missed eachother the last day in Xalapa, but I didn´t forget about you. I think the rain drove us apart at that time. Believe in yourself and I wish you all the best with Valentina. My first day in Xalapa was one with many surprises. Surprises that made my trip even more colourful, and there was even more to come!
As I said before, the returning of the feeling of fear, I consider a good thing, what has changed with that feeling since the last times I had it is my reaction: I don´t panic anymore. I think I already took some big steps the past years, and I´m willing to walk on!
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