Well gang I finally got a flight out of Lima, WHOHOOO, destination Colombia! Now at 6am in morning and having not slept due to the big going away party the hostel threw for me I wasnt on my best game and considering that this was my first flight in Sth America after nearly 5 mths of travel it definately wasnt the best idea rockin up drunk to one of the biggest airports in Sth America! I was asking for trouble and unbeknown to me the next 4 days involving airports and flights would be a true test of my will and character!
So here i was standing at the Lima checkin counter mainly thinking about how good it was going to be to see sun again for the first time in three weeks (Lima always overcast), catching up with the other lads before two of them flew home and generally getting amped about going to Colombia! With all this stuff running through my drunken head I didnt notice myself getting robbed! As the flight attendant asked for my passport I realised it was gone along with my jumper, I was totally bewildered or my dreams of leaving Lima seem to vanish in an instant along with my near future travel plans. In a very bizarre twist of luck, as I stood gobsmacked at the checkout desk, an airport guard walked up behind me (15mins later mine you) tapped me on the shoulder and handed me my passport! Now being pretty smashed I thought this was all a weird arse dream that I would soon wake from but, no! He simply gave it to me said Ciau Amigo and walked off! Again i stood their like a stupid gringo stunned mullet knodded my head said gracias and was on the flight without further dramas!
On the flight I pretty much passed out and it wasnt until the wheels hit the tarmac that I awoke quite violently thinking the plane was falling from the sky! The lady next to me lost it going into hysterical fits of laughter and yelling wild spanish phrases at me, I just smiled and was thinking I am so tired and hungover I cant understand a word your saying love! But at least she was having a good laugh at my expense like a true Aussie would, so respect to her!! Now still being in the drunken doledrums it was amassive effort locating my luggage signing forms etc etcI was a bit disgruntled and just wanted to get to the hostel and sleep but ha it could never be that easy! As I put my luggage through these scanners and stuff and was about to exit the airport and guard stopped me and asked to open my bag inquiring if i was carrying scissors! I replied that it was a possibility and after a short search found what must had showed up on their xray! But for some stupid reason (in heinsight i think it was some type of training drill for a new guard) they asked me to accompany them to a holding room while they proceeded to thoroghly check all my luggage and yes people STRIP SEARCH ME! Now despite all my mates strong opinions concerning the incident there were no finger probing with gloves, spreading of butt cheeks or getting interogated under a cold shower just simply a guy watching you undress while asking you stupid questions in the nude! At one point he was trying to insinuate that my toothbrush handles were too sharp and a potential stabbing weapon while I was trying to demonstrate my excellent brushing action in the nude! The whole time in the room I was thinking is this a candid camera joke or what? I have already flown, landed about to cruise around Bogata by foot so if I was going to hijack a plane with scissors and some toothebrushes I would have done it flying not in an airport terminal! Well after an hour of Bullshit the guards mate walked in with a massive smile on his face and said i was free to go with my toothebrushes but they took the scissors! So finally making out of the airport in dawned on me that my few hours in Bogata were spent naked, probably more for the show of the GAY guards rather than the saftey of the local citizens, I wonder what else is in store for me here in my short visit to Colombia!!! Stay safe all peace and buttcheeks!!!