Warsaw, day 3 & 4...

I hardly slept again. This time courtesy of 1 mosquito. I spent most of the night chasing after it, much to the annoyance of the neighbours. So, 6:30am found me in the breakfast lounge in a rather foul mood and itching all over. The one thing I forgot to pack: insect repellant. Great!

I took off at 7:30am, walked east like the previous day, but now turned right on Nowy Swiat instead of left and walked down to Plac Trzech Krzyzy (try saying that 3 times in a row, or just once for that matter). The initial idea today was to head to Praga and visit the infamous Russian Market, a true landmark in Warsaw, in the Dziesieciolecia Stadium across the river. Unfortunately, I read in a magazine in my hotel room, that as of 1st July, it had ceased to exist. Now that totally screwed up my schedule.

Walking down Aleje Ujazdowski, it struck me again how beautiful Warsaw actually is, and how much at times, it reminded me of Paris. Big stately houses and statues when you least expected it.



I walked into Ujazdowski Park, already muttering to myself about the heat. It was a nice little place, with some sculptures and a pond with a pretty bridge across, but nothing rather exceptional. For that, I had to go a bit further to Lazienkowski Park, or Lazienski Park, depending on whom you're talking to.

I walked past the Botanical Garden and entered the park itself near the former Orangerie, with its collection of Roman busts, all pristine and in posession of a nose, which I think is rather remarkable in a park open to the public.




Now someone had forgotten to mention that Lazienkowski Park in NOT flat. It's actually quite hilly on the west side, so I clambered up some stairs, sweat running down my back and feeling a bit annoyed when overtaken by a bunch of chattering grey haired ladies, in search of the Chopin Monument, which I eventually found, but which had to wait as I had spotted some dude selling drinks at a stall right outside the gate.

I said 'one water please' and pointed to the bottle.

'Gasnogaz,' he said.

'...' said I.

'Gas... NO Gaz..' he repeated.

'Oh, ok, no gaz please, got plenty of that myself,' but the joke was lost on him.

I drank the bottle of water and then headed back into the park, swearing I would never, ever travel in July again.



Further down the path, I came across the White House and Belweder Palace, then got lost, found some buildings that weren't on my map, found the little stream again, and followed it to a sight to behold: the Palace on the Island...



It was beautifull. Nearby was also an open air theatre in a Roman style, with peacocks prancing about. I walked around quite a bit, looking at the palace from different sides, and my foul mood of the morning had gone completely. This was such a peacefull setting. It left me breathless.



I eventually exited the park, crossed the street and went back into the park on the other side, where there was a cafeteria. It was a little over 10am now and I had basically seen most of what I had planned to see that day, but I didn't care. I sat down at a table and had a Fanta, which I hadn't drunk in years and which I thoroughly enjoyed. I noticed I had a big grin on my face and for a moment I feared the heat had finally gotten to me, but then I realised I was actually quite happy to be sitting here, far away from all my worries and the hectic life back home, having a refreshing drink in a beautiful park in a city where I didn't understand a word people were saying to me and didn't really give a shit. It was one of those Zen-moments... probably because of lack of sleep and the after-effect of Polish beer, so after a while, control-freak took over again, said 'hey Bubba, snap to it! We gotta get movin' and I walked on, looking at my map and wondering what to do for the rest of the day. But I had had my moment of tranquility. What more can you ask for?

I walked around for a while, seemingly aimlessly, down streets that once again reminded me of Paris. Every street would hold a surprise. You just had to look around, or up sometimes...



Eventually, I found myself back on Marszalkowska, heading towards Plac Konstytucji, which looked more Russian than anything I'd seen so far.





I grabed a slice of pizza and headed to the hotel to freshen up a bit. It was around 36°C now. I would hereby also like to anounce a change in dress code policy. As of now, whenever I travel in summer I will wear bright coloured shorts, sandals and a straw hat, no matter how rediculous I might look in it. Black is just too brutal in these conditions.

That being said, I put on a fresh black shirt and headed out into the oven again, exploring the area north of the Palace of Science and Culture. Prozna is the only remaining part of the Jewish war-years ghetto, crumbling and held together with only god knows what.



More war scars were visible on another building a bit further.



For dinner that night, someone had recommended Chlopsjie Jadlo on the Plac Konstytucji, which served traditional Polish food, so I went in search of it. Unfortunately the place was packed, so I tried to find that Indian restaurant again. It was actually behind the place I had dinner at the night before, down a driveway into a little courtyard. I mean SIGNS people! Ever heard of them?

I spent some time at Bar Below afterwards, which was fun, but had the obvious downside of being BELOW, which meant getting up a stairs to go home.

You know how you're sitting in the hotel bar, and this gorgeous girl sits down next to you, and you start talking and have a few drinks and then head to her hotel room for some hot, steaming sex?

Well, that never happens to me. Instead I get a drunk Polish geezer, who, despite the fact that I've tried to tell him about 15 times I don't understand Polish and have no fucking clue what he's talking about, just won't SHUT UP!

So I headed to my room and for anything better to do, declared war on the mosquito. Armed with my plastic fold-out map of Berlin, dressed in just my underpants for maximum manouverability and protected with the lid of the bathroom trash can in my other hand because... well... I was a bit drunk, I stalked my prey, got stung a couple of times, crashed into the furniture a lot and then by sheer dumb luck, squashed the damn beast with Kreuzberg.

I finally had a good night sleep and showed up at breakfast at 8:30am the next day. I checked out, left my luggage at the hotel and went outside again, where it was already 32°C. The plan was to take the subway to the Citadel, but I thought why not walk? Well, I am a lean, mean walking machine after all, and I probably wouldn't understand how the subway worked anyway, so I walked all the way back to the old town and then the new town and then somewhat further north, passing some more beautifull buildings along the way, like this little gem...



I found a fort, concluded after consulting my map that it didn't look anything at all like the citadel and headed even further north, where at a point I had to get across a busy road, clamber over a bridge, dodge a few trams and climb down some stairs again. And then I was in front of it. I wondered how many tourists would go through the trouble to get here. Apparently, I was the only idiot. I walked and walked, looking for an entrance, and came across the Executioner's Gate, which didn't lead into the citadel either.



A bit further, I finally found a gate and walked inside, where I was greeted by a sign that read 'Military Zone. Stay Out! That means YOU, dumbass!' or something like that. Somehow, my guidebook had failed to mention this little fact. So I kept walking around the citadel, since it would be silly to turn back now. I walked for about an hour, never finding an entrance that wasn't guarded, clambering through people's back yards, being chased by a big dog for half a mile and swearing I would sue the people at Lonely Planet IF I ever made it home.

I retreated to the Old Town Square where I sat down at an outdoor cafe and (quite out of character) ordered a pineapple juice and had another Zen moment, which passed quickly as I ordered a beer, watched the waitress - in a tight white top and short black skirt - clear the table, muttered 'Well, hello!' and thought 'Hey, I'm normal again!'

Somewhere around 3pm, I collected my bag and had the front desk call me a cab, which took me to the airport in about 15 minutes, and then I waited for my flight.

So it was fun. Despite the weather, I actually enjoyed myself very much. As an introduction to Eastern Europe, this was excellent, and I can't wait to head back in that direction.

Let me leave you with the Mermaid, symbol of Warsaw. Unlike the one in Copenhagen, this one is not to be messed with.

I hope you enjoyed this little entry. My apologies to all the nations I may have offended in it. Feel free to leave feedback.

I hardly slept that night. My hotel was right next to the busiest rotunda in the whole of Poland, and the entire population of Warsaw wanted to welcome me to their city by honking and shouting their hello's whenever they drove or walked past that night. And then, to my utter and total amazement, the sun rose at 4am!!! I first thought my drapes were on fire, and when I had made sure that wasn't the case, checked for clocks. They all confirmed it was 4am. I called the front desk, asked what time it was and when confirmed yet again that it really was 4am and that "no, they didn't know why the fuck the sun was up already," I stood there for a moment, mumbling something along the line of 'you GOT to be kidding me...' and then looked at my watch again, sighed, pulled the curtains shut to block out the sun and went back to bed.

I tried to fall asleep, but that didn't work, so it turned 5am and then 6am and that's when I got dressed and went downstairs for breakfast. Well, that was amazing. I had never before in all my travels seen such a wonderfull breakfast buffet. You name it, they had it. I got some bacon and eggs, some vegetables in tomato sauce, had a croissant or 2, some orange juice and coffee. That would be the typical sight-seeing breakfast(TM) that keeps you going until way past noon.

And so I set off at 8am. It was already extremely hot outside, as I walked east on Aleje Jerozolimskie and took a left on Nowy Swiat, wondering why there was a palm tree on the square and trying my best to stay in the shade. Well ofcourse it was still early and a sunday, so I pretty much had the town to myself. As I crossed Swietokryska and walked up Krakowskie Przedmiescie, I came to the square with the Copernicus statue. It was beautifull. Let me tell you something about Warsaw right now. It is spotlessly clean. What a shock, coming from Berlin, capital of the spray can and dog shit.



Nearby was the Holy Cross Church, where Chopin's his heart is buried. Second pilar on the left if I'm not mistaken.




I walked further north, past Warsaw University, the presidential palace and a multitude of churches. It seemed like there was a church for ever 100 people living in Warsaw. But they were all beautifull and well preserved. (Actually, they just looked that way. The city was almost completely annihilated during the last war and had to be rebuilt from scratch.)

And so I got to Plac Zamkowy with the Royal Palace and the entrance to the Old City.



I had a pleasant stroll down the cobblestone streets and then ventured into Old City Square, which immediately brought Austria to mind (if you ignored the Heineken signs).



By now sweat was running down my back, so I bought a bottle of water for 2 and a half zloty and continued exploring. I walked around the old city again, along the reconstructed fortification walls, to the Barbican, the one remaining entrance gate... or exit gate, depending where you're coming from.



I continued on north to the New City Square which was a bit of a let-down, then turned back and sat down at a streetside cafe for a drink and a little rest, just outside the Barbican.



I headed west, to the Monument of the Warsaw Uprising, which was quite impressive.



Crossed the street to get to Krasinksi Palace and had to sit down in the shade of the trees again, as it was getting brutal out there. I really hadn't expected this kind of weather. I swear to god, if I ever head to Antarctica, there will be a heatwave and the place will have melted by the time I get there.



So I wandered around, came across the Belgian Embassy and made a mental note where it was, just in case... you know, and then ended up at the Plac Teatralny, with the City Hall and the Teatr Wielki.



I ended up back near the Royal Palace, where I had something to eat and a drink, and just enjoyed being able to sit down in the shade for an hour.

I went for a stroll through the Saxon Gardens, with its beautifull statues and was once again amazed by the lack of vandalism and general city filth. It was refreshing. Everything was just so clean and so beautifull. I wandered around for a few hours and then retraced my steps down Nowy Swiat and had another drink at the Brauhaus.



I walked back towards the Palace of Science and Culture, crossed the street and went into the Hard Rock Cafe for the traditional stuff: a teddy bear for my little sis and a pin for me. Since I was running extremely low on T-shirts, I also bought one of those.

Back to the hotel for a shower, a little rest and a drink in the hotel bar (where by now I was on a first name basis with the staff), and then down Marszalkowska for dinner. I had heard a lot of good things about India Curry, so I tracked them down. I got the street right and I got the number right, but when I walked into the place, it looked anything but Indian. Since my brain was cooking by now, I didn't think much of it untill I sat down and this cute girl handed me a menu and said 'Sorry, it's only in Polish.'

'Ah,' said I, 'let's give this a shot then.'

Now actually, it wasn't that hard. I did recognise a few words here and there, saw something that was called 'Stek' and decided to be adventurous.

The girl came back and said 'maybe I help you explain?'

I said it was ok, that I could read it, but couldn't really pronounce it, so I pointed to the 'stek'.

'Hmm...' she said, 'it's a piece of meat.'

'Well, way ahead of you there, sister. Just make it medium rare and I'll take it.'

And it was a steak (thank god) with garlic butter, mango chutney, assorted vegetable crap and fries. See! I understand Polish perfectly. I finished with an espresso, didn't ask any difficult questions, like 'where the Hell is that Indian place anyway?' and much to the relief of the 2 girls left the building, feeling rather accomplished to have conquered the language barrier.

I found an Irish pub, and the rest is pretty much history.

My initial doubts about Eastern Europe had faded as soon as I stepped out of the train station, and I was starting to really like Warsaw. Tomorrow, I was going to hit the parks. They were supposed to be gorgeous. I couldn't wait.

But first, I needed to sleep.

I flew to Berlin on Friday 13^th July and went to the opening reception of an artist friend’s show at Strychnin Gallery in Friedrichshain. Having been to Berlin a number of times before, I had decided that this time, I would head out East, so to speak, and check out Warsaw.

 

I had booked a seat on the Berlin-Warsaw Express, so around noon I was waiting at the Berlin Ostbahnhof. The train was running 15 minutes late, which I didn't really mind that much, as I was looking at a 6 hour trip anyway, so what's another 15 minutes, right?

I was not expecting this kind of train though. It had compartments, each with 6 seats, and when I got to mine, I noticed there were 5 people in there already: a Polish girl and a family of XL Germans with half of their earthly posessions.

'Hi,' I said, 'I'm apparently sitting by the window, so could you please move your cooler box from the seat? Thanks.'

With a heavy sigh, dad removed the cooler and put it in front of him, so I had to clamber over it to get to my seat. I checked for a place to put my bag, but the bagage racks on either side were stuffed with their luggage.

'Maybe you could keep it on your lap?' the dad suggested with a smirk on his face.

'What? For 6 hours? I don't think so. Just move your stuff mister. You people aren’t fleeing the country, are you?'

I jammed my bag in between 2 suitcases, put my small backpack between my legs and sat down on one of their daughters' toy frog.

'He killed Froggy!' she screamed, and the whole family, including the Polish chick, looked at me like I was some kind of monster.

'It's a bloody toy!' I said, 'what's wrong with you people?'

'You should look where you sit, yes?' said mum.

Suddenly, being in this train for 6 hours seemed like a very long time, and we hadn't even left the station yet.

I took out my MP3 player and a sandwich and prayed for the train to depart, which it eventually did. The family opened up the cooler and started handing out copious amounts of food, drinks and cell phones (don't ask) and started stuffing their faces. (not the cell phones, although I did spy stupid kid number 2 nibbling on her Nokia.)

Meanwhile, stupid kid number 1 kept shoving the stuffed frog into my face, yelling 'say you're sorry to Froggy!!!' I tried to ignore her for a while, but then said in a menacing voice 'you shove that fucking frog in my face one more time, you little shit, and it's going out the fucking window, capiche?'

Ofcourse I didn't say that, but I sure as Hell wanted to. Instead I said 'Sorry Froggy,' glared at the kid and muttered 'Now piss off.'

Fortunately, and I do thank whatever god is watching over me for this, they left the train at our first stop in Poland. By now however, we had gotten a visit of the German and Polish immigration officers, who took a special interest in my ID and phoned Interpol just to make sure I wasn't on the run after killing off a family of annoying train passengers. This apparently made the Germans rather uncomfortable as they kept glancing at me. In return I gave them icy stares, which clearly said I wouldn't hesitate of putting a gun to Froggy's head if the authorities wouldn't let me into Poland.

It didn't come to that. I got my ID back and we headed on to Warsaw. Once the Germans, their 27 bags and their cooler box had left, the trip became more agreeable.

About 3 hours into the trip, the Polish chick suddenly screamed 'God, it iz so hot in here,' and ripped open her blouse. 'You do not mind, do you?' she panted, looking at me like some kind of predator.

'no,' I squeeked, 'it's quite alright... really...'

And then we hit a bump in the road/track and I woke up way too soon if you ask me.

I didn't mind that we arrived half an hour late, but I was a bit anxious to catch a first glimpse of the city. Now let me tell you something. Someone, somewhere wrote it was very hard to get out of the train station? Well, that person obviously hadn't heard of this new invention called 'stairs'. I was outside before I knew it, blinking in the sunlight, looking up at the Palace of Science and Culture and thinking ‘Damn, I'm in Warsaw!'

I then thought 'How the Hell am I going to cross this street?!?' as there were about 6 lanes of heavy, insane traffic between myself and my hotel.

Fortunately, there were stairs yet again, and tunnels leading underneath the busy streets, which made it a lot easier to stay alive. So I found my hotel, checked in, dumped my stuff in my room and then headed outside looking for something to eat. Preferably in a restaurant. Preferably something I could pronounce.

I walked up and down Marszalkowska Avenue, but didn't really see anything I liked, as I wanted something small and not too complicated. In the end, I settled for a traditional Polish restaurant chain called Kentucky Fried Chickenski. It was cheap and greasy and I didn't have to impersonate a chicken to get what I want, as I could just point to the menu above the counter and go 'Aye?'.

I explored a few more side streets, but feeling very tired all of a sudden, retired to the hotel bar for a Polish beer... or some, which, I was pleasantly surprised to discover came in 0.5 liter glasses and cost between 8 and 10 zloty. It was about 11:30pm when I tried to figure out how to get into the elevator, checked about every floor for my room and then used several cards, including my Hard Rock Cafe Pin Collectors Club card to open my door. That's when I called it a night.