Brad: A short diversion continued

I arrive at my hotel at 5:00 am and ring the bell for service.  The night attendant speaks to my driver who explains who I am and presents my booking email.  The following is a transcript of the conversation between the two of them, one that is played out every single time I come to this hotel (it’s in Russian but I get the jist).

Night Attendant (NA): Nice email, what do you want

My Driver (MD): He would like to stay here

NA: Stay here?

MD: Yes

NA: In this hotel?

MD: Yes, this is a hotel, it’s where people stay.

NA:  Well this is highly unusual, we don’t usually have people turning up looking to stay here.

MD: What do you mean, this is a hotel, people staying here is your raison d’etre, it is the very essence of hotelishness.

NA:  I’m going to have to speak to my superior about this.

NA disappears for 10 mins.

NA: I’ve spoken to my superior and she has gone to get a signature from her superior.  This is all highly unusual.  In the mean time I’ll prepare the paperwork.

NA pulls out 15 forms which I have to fill out in triplicate.  Finally the superior arrives with the signed, stamped form.

NA:  Please sign here, here, here, here and here…….and here, but not there.  Now, we’ll need a saliva sample and some fingerprints.

I provide all the necessary items and pay for the entire stay upfront.

MD: May he have the key now.

NA: The key to where?

MD: His room

NA: He wants the key? I’m not sure I’m authorized to hand it over, I’ll have to speak to my superior.

NA disappears and reappears with her superior, who looks identical but is 5% larger in every dimension. She hands me the key with a scowl.

Me: Thank you (in Russian)

NA: Yakshermash

I get to my room at 6:00 am, 5 hours before I have to be at my first meeting.