How to cook a pig... Cuban Style
Saint Cloud Travel Blog› entry 12 of 14 › view all entries
My apologies to the vegetarians... this blog is NOT for you.
How to Cook a Pig, according to my Dad
1. Find yourself at least 30 of your closest family and friends. The more, the merrier. And more people to put to work.
2. Get pig. A 45-50 pounder, preferably dead and cleaned. (killing and cleaning is a whole 'nother bag of worms... leave it to the butcher, that's why he's the BUTCHER)
3. Recruit the younger and dumber males to dig nice big pit outside. Line bottom of pit with aluminum foil, have the young gents nicely stack the bricks. Bottom of pit should be about 2 feet from top of bricks. Less bricks, more digging. More bricks, less digging.
4. Give beer to in-laws. Lots of beer. Use their kitchen table to hack up, oops... "butterfly" pig with axe and macheti.
5. Give pig massage with yummy mojo. Shove garlic cloves into skin. When you think you've stuff enough, stuff at least another 20 cloves.
6. Put pig in tupperware box and convince drunk in-laws to keep it over-night. Suckers.
7. Go home and sleep. These people expect you to get there at 7am to start cooking... sheesh...
8. The next morning, arrive late, after daughter calls you half an hour after you're supposed to get there. It's not Cuban unless you're at least an hour late.
9. Coat skin of pig with vinegar and salt.
10. Sandwich pig between grills.
11. Light big fire in pit.
12. Place pig on top of pit. Cover with aluminum foil.
13. Turn every 30 minutes. For this, recruit same young dumb males as pit digging, but don't leave them alone to it. If they drop pig, that is tragedy.
14. Watch pig cook for 5-6 hours. Drink beer. Bullshit. Have daughter feed you. Drink some more beer. Bullshit some more.
15. Eat pig!
And as the little ditty goes:
Esa pobre lechóna
que murió de repente
con un tajo en la frente
y otro en el corazón
la metieron al horno
la sacaron caliente
le metieron el diente,
y ya todo se acabo!