How to cook a pig... Cuban Style

Saint Cloud Travel Blog

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La pobre lechona

My apologies to the vegetarians... this blog is NOT for you.

How to Cook a Pig, according to my Dad

1. Find yourself at least 30 of your closest family and friends. The more, the merrier. And more people to put to work.

2. Get pig. A 45-50 pounder, preferably dead and cleaned. (killing and cleaning is a whole 'nother bag of worms... leave it to the butcher, that's why he's the BUTCHER)

3. Recruit the younger and dumber males to dig nice big pit outside. Line bottom of pit with aluminum foil, have the young gents nicely stack the bricks. Bottom of pit should be about 2 feet from top of bricks. Less bricks, more digging. More bricks, less digging.

4. Give beer to in-laws. Lots of beer. Use their kitchen table to hack up, oops... "butterfly" pig with axe and macheti.

Turning the pig over the pit, every 30 minutes
Have non-squeemish nurse daughter hold pig, but don't cut off her arm. Don't forget to close the curtains, in case your yankee neighbors might think you're hacking up something other than a pig.

5. Give pig massage with yummy mojo. Shove garlic cloves into skin. When you think you've stuff enough, stuff at least another 20 cloves.

6. Put pig in tupperware box and convince drunk in-laws to keep it over-night. Suckers.

7. Go home and sleep. These people expect you to get there at 7am to start cooking... sheesh...

8. The next morning, arrive late, after daughter calls you half an hour after you're supposed to get there. It's not Cuban unless you're at least an hour late.

9. Coat skin of pig with vinegar and salt.

10. Sandwich pig between grills.

11. Light big fire in pit.

12. Place pig on top of pit. Cover with aluminum foil.

13. Turn every 30 minutes. For this, recruit same young dumb males as pit digging, but don't leave them alone to it. If they drop pig, that is tragedy.

14. Watch pig cook for 5-6 hours. Drink beer. Bullshit. Have daughter feed you. Drink some more beer. Bullshit some more.

15. Eat pig!

And as the little ditty goes:

Esa pobre lechóna
que murió de repente
con un tajo en la frente
y otro en el corazón
la metieron al horno
la sacaron caliente
le metieron el diente,
y ya todo se acabo!

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La pobre lechona
La pobre lechona
Turning the pig over the pit, ever…
Turning the pig over the pit, eve…
Please notice the appropriate rati…
Please notice the appropriate rat…
My dad, pretending to be working f…
My dad, pretending to be working …
getting ready for the grill
getting ready for the grill
The fire pit for cooking a whole p…
The fire pit for cooking a whole …
Most important part of pig-cooking…
Most important part of pig-cookin…
dont worry, hes a terrible shot
don't worry, he's a terrible shot
exciting times in St. Cloud...
exciting times in St. Cloud...
Covering the pig with foil
Covering the pig with foil
part of the family waiting for som…
part of the family waiting for so…
A masterpiece
A masterpiece
checking out some goats in the nei…
checking out some goats in the ne…
The St. Cloud nightlife... nobody …
The St. Cloud nightlife... nobody…
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photo by: lulusartshack