The 'Tracy' Diaries Part 32
Dharamshala Travel Blog› entry 67 of 130 › view all entries
Thursday 14th September 2006.
Went to bed late last night, so I woke up really tired and miserable! Wanted to let the dogs out for toilet and then go back to bed, but I didn’t. I forced myself to stay up and about, with the purpose of feeding the pups. This spurned me to stay awake, up and about.
As soon as one thing happens, I try to be ready for the consequence, so when Koi has a poo outside, I know the possibilities of what could happen if I don’t put her inside first before clearing it up.
So When someone catches my mind like this, absorbed in the next action I must do, I’m ok until they suggest something for me to do. Like how to look after Koi. (Am I really such a bad mother? Oh dear, maybe I am!)
ANGRY THOUGHTS: Just Leave Me Alone!
Stop trying to control me!
Stop telling me what to do!
I am having a difficult time knowing what is best for me.
I am absorbed in trying to work out what is best for me.
Leave me alone!
Because you can’t figure it out for me, I have to do it on my own.
You can’t sort my brain out for me, stop it thinking bad thoughts.
Or can you manipulate my mind like you are tryin to manipulate my actions?
"You should do this, You should do that!"
Well you should leave me alone.
Solitude is the best thing for me right now.
Or are you a Buddha, Bodhisattva, sent to test me?
That’s why I should be nice to everyone, you never know how much anyone can actually help you, regardless of you being aware of their actual help! Strange how the mind works!
There is puppy, playing on the bed with a plastic lid. Rolling on her back, I see her in the corner of my eye and the thought of her joy lightens my angry mood.
So I am angry, yes.
At myself for not getting up earlier and getting things done in good, unrushed time, rather than getting stressed because I am trying to do all things at once.
No one else can be blamed.
The emotions arise within you, no one PUTS them there! Lol (I picture a postman delivering a letter through a letterbox in our brain!)
Likewise, no one can MAKE you feel emotions, they arise within you according to your pre-conceived ideas and notions about everything. (I picture someone manipulating our brain into a shape of anger,sadness,envy. Yeah right! As if we are totally helpless against something that is intangible. How silly! (I recall times when I used to say, " You made me feel like this! It’s your fault! YOU made me like this! )
But it doesn’t make the problem go away. We could blame anyone, anywhere we go. Do we wonder why we are constantly burdened by such emotions?
Oh I always seem to fall for the same kind of guy! Or
It always happens to me!
Hello! It’s not OTHER people, it’s your deluded mind!
What goes around with is EVERYWHERE we go?
What is with us whomever we are with?
Our mind, we cannot escape our mind.
So if we cannot escape it, we should change it.
Yes, you can get a new one!
You may not be able to change the memories, but you can change how they effect you!
You can teach your mind to react in more productive ways than before, so that you can live a happier life.
Like Geshe La said, " you don’t have to be a Buddhist to do that!"
Have you wondered what makes YOUR mind works the way it does? …
I attended the philosophy class which was very helpful, again.
Geshe La stated:
DESIRE is actually our enemy masquerading as our friend, that’s why we don’t recognise desire as a ‘troublemaker’ ! Therefore extra effort is needed to get rid of attachment and desire.
When anger or hostility arise in us, we can easily identify them because they make us obviously uncomfortable, but desire is disguised as a nice, pleasurable feeling. (But like a plate full of the tastiest cream cakes, they are bad for us!)
When desire first arises it makes one feel happy. But it turns into strong desire, and attachment, craving and then causes problems for us and others around us. (Our lives can be made a misery because of what another wants so badly, as well as that person suffering because they can’t get what they want!) It destroys our practice of good virtues. So instead of liking the feeling, we should actually be AFRAID of it, suspicious of desire the moment it arises,disguised as a friend, for it is actually a foe!
So we should be on the lookout, be aware of desire and prevent its arising, and not give it the opportunity to arise. This will prevent clinging attachment, the negative ‘wanting’ .
Humans are so attached to their senses, just like a fish to bait, a moth to flame, like a noose that binds us to cyclic existence. When we are governed by emotions it is very difficult to observe good, ethical discipline. Without good ethical discipline we will not get good meditation. We need to understand this is the way the mind works (so we can get the best of it and control it instead of vice versa.) Everything taught by the Buddha (in relation to how to avoid suffering, The Middle Way) was intended to counter the disturbing emotions.
When our minds are turbulent and unclear, we don’t see what is real, we make mistakes, we engage in the wrong kind of things and do things the wrong way, creating more imprints for the distrubing emotions to be more deeply embedded , assuring their ease of arising. This is obviously bad news as we lose out again and again.
So we need to be right on the case, at the very beginning, don’t let the disturbing emotions get going, as soon as it moves, SQUASH IT!
Desire can be difficult to get rid of as it arises in two different ways:
- By cause
- By circumstances